kennElee97
Greenlighter
Ok so hopefully I can just start writing and it'll turn out all right 
Well first of all this is the first thread, so thank you all for gracing me with your presence lol! feel free to move this if in the wrong area, but seeing as it pertains to drugs and their role in society, I figured drug culture was a good fit (im 16 by the way).
(questions at the bottom)
BACKGROUND: (skip if u must lol)
I went to a VERY small private school through 6th grade; was a bit of a trouble maker, bit of a class clown, but in general I loved everybody like family.
Then came 7th grade were I started going to public school (I live a pretty small town, so still not to many ppl). I was popular and all that, same outlook on life to, I treated everyone like my best friend. This lasted till about the end of 8th grade. I never really found a "click" or group because I didn't really see a need. It wasn't like I grew up being friends with any of them, and besides I cared about all them as my friends. Well by this time id developed a large interest in drugs and the different perspectives they can offer, as well as their effects on a more scientific level, tho I hadn't yet done any drugs. As time went by everyone split off into their own groups as seems to happen as people age. Well, I was left lacking a group. I wanted to spend time with people from all groups, but this meant I never became especially close to any one group; I didn't have "best friends", no one to vent to (which sucked because im a pretty empathetic Pearson and like to share my emotions. if anyone ever needed to blow off some steam Im open to listen as well, glad to, even)
Well I had a passionate interest in drugs at the time so I found others who shared my interest. I still hung out with people of all facets though, and since we were friends I would share my passion with them. I might talk about the latest instance that somebody died as a result of prohibition that the media simply turned a blind eye to or how interesting I find it that man can use substances of our own creation or otherwise to deconstruct ones ego, reach spiritual enlightenment, and even become a better person. As you might have imagined, this is highschool, and people are not always as accepting of certain things as they should be. im ironically labeled a "druggie", despite the fact that I actually used drugs quite infrequently (less then once a week).
Well the next school year (9th grade) i was pretty damn depressed. Many of those who i loved like family no longer were interested in being my friend. I tried to stay in touch with them but some had moved on; some just thought I was a looser. I wanted to just forget about them but I had so many fond memories and i seen them everyday at school. so, then I wanted to be angry at them, but nope. I cant be angry at someone more then a day. After that all it takes is seeing them smile and my heart melts. My mom always says "never let the sun set on your anger" and I believe that. ill stay up all night until I find peace within myself. What I WAS capable of tho, is feeling heartache. Heartache that i would translate into anger at myself, at life, and how shallow I thought society was, how shallow I still think it is I guess. Started to drugs a lot more often. told my parents I was sick all the time so i wouldn't have to go to school. I still did dugs for what I thought was to try to and find new perspectives and grow to be a better person through them but i was really just "trying to catch a buzz just to help me picture love" as someone once said. I never fit in with the "druggies" i was labled with either. They wanted to go to parties, I wanted to go camping. They wanted to see how fucked up the could get, well, lets just say getting "fucked up" dosnt feel like love it feels like being a worthless piece of shit to me lol.
So yeah, I fealt like I was all alone despite always being with ppl, seeing as I couldn't relate to them. Then at some point later in 9th grade I did Vicoden and that was sort of a turning point. Tho I was still obviously depressed afterword, vicoden showed me that people arnt so horrible, and that it was still possible to feel like i did in elementary school. I loved everyone and let go of everything and had fun for the first time in such a long, slow period of time; and people seen it. It was better then even the best of ecstasy highs. I actually became close with a lot of people that day. I was just as depressed as I was before I did vicoden a couple days later, but i used this experience as a tool that would eventually help pull me out of this rut. What really was the turning point was shortly after this experience I somehow realized "if you want to be loved, u need to love yourself, Then everything else will fall into place". It was all uphill after that really.
By a few weeks into 10th grade the emotionally taxing on again off again relationship i had with a girl for the previous 12 months had ended and i was high flying. Happiest time in my life since i was a child Not much had changed except I loved myself, and i loved my life; nothing but good came from that. 2 days before Christmas break i got expelled. I was suspected of selling adderal (im prescribed) and so the principle came and got me. I didn't have any adderal on me, but what i did have on me was an 1/8 of shrooms and over $500 in my pocket. Thank goodness no charges were pressed but that was that, I was expelled, and it goes without saying my parents were extreamly disappointed. Apparently im not allowed to be to happy for to long, at least not at that time. My parents didn't get me signed up for a new school until over a month had passed since my expulsion; and it was online school. Now, i may score in the top 1% in the nation and state on standardized testing, but there's two things im not good at: one, working fast to get caught up, and two, motivating myself to stay focused on school work in a non school environment. Even with my adderal i find my self rereading things ten times over till i finally realize what i just read. so im gona have to redo a semester of almost all my classes next year. During all this a guy who used to be my best friend with just the year before (we just grew apart) killed himself, on my birthday a few months ago.
Strangely, im not all that depressed, but i do feel alone. Like theres no one who shares my interests. Aside from my best friend whom i grew up with (he went to private school with me) i feal like i cant share my opinions on things such as politics and just life in general without them thinking im weird for even caring about such things, but all he wants to do lately is smoke pot wich i no longer do just cuz I have nothing else to learn from it. The thing is when he smokes he gets REALLY anti social/zoned out AND he almost fucking died (weird, i know. that's a different story tho) but he still smokes anyway.
Ok I AM DONE *gasp of air*
God Damn that turned into an auto biography LMAO! well that's the first time iv recounter everything so whatever therapy i guess lol
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to any of u that actually read that or attempted to lol id love to hear ANY comments
QUESTIONS!
1. am i the only one who has a problem with how negative people can be? for example, "God, i hate how nice they are! why do some people have to act so fucking friendly."
2. have any of you had an experience with or seen somebody appear to "overdose" on weed? i mean completely unresponsive, extreamly high temp, pale face, eyes rolled back, shit like that.
3. why do people do drugs just to get fucked up, despite it being un pleasant?
4. why arnt more people "romantics"? Like living in peace, love, unity, respect, striving to be socially and politically conscious, searching for a life of peace and euphoria rather then the next momentary rush.
All responses accepted no matter how brief or lenghtly
Well first of all this is the first thread, so thank you all for gracing me with your presence lol! feel free to move this if in the wrong area, but seeing as it pertains to drugs and their role in society, I figured drug culture was a good fit (im 16 by the way). (questions at the bottom)
BACKGROUND: (skip if u must lol)
I went to a VERY small private school through 6th grade; was a bit of a trouble maker, bit of a class clown, but in general I loved everybody like family.
Then came 7th grade were I started going to public school (I live a pretty small town, so still not to many ppl). I was popular and all that, same outlook on life to, I treated everyone like my best friend. This lasted till about the end of 8th grade. I never really found a "click" or group because I didn't really see a need. It wasn't like I grew up being friends with any of them, and besides I cared about all them as my friends. Well by this time id developed a large interest in drugs and the different perspectives they can offer, as well as their effects on a more scientific level, tho I hadn't yet done any drugs. As time went by everyone split off into their own groups as seems to happen as people age. Well, I was left lacking a group. I wanted to spend time with people from all groups, but this meant I never became especially close to any one group; I didn't have "best friends", no one to vent to (which sucked because im a pretty empathetic Pearson and like to share my emotions. if anyone ever needed to blow off some steam Im open to listen as well, glad to, even)
Well I had a passionate interest in drugs at the time so I found others who shared my interest. I still hung out with people of all facets though, and since we were friends I would share my passion with them. I might talk about the latest instance that somebody died as a result of prohibition that the media simply turned a blind eye to or how interesting I find it that man can use substances of our own creation or otherwise to deconstruct ones ego, reach spiritual enlightenment, and even become a better person. As you might have imagined, this is highschool, and people are not always as accepting of certain things as they should be. im ironically labeled a "druggie", despite the fact that I actually used drugs quite infrequently (less then once a week).
Well the next school year (9th grade) i was pretty damn depressed. Many of those who i loved like family no longer were interested in being my friend. I tried to stay in touch with them but some had moved on; some just thought I was a looser. I wanted to just forget about them but I had so many fond memories and i seen them everyday at school. so, then I wanted to be angry at them, but nope. I cant be angry at someone more then a day. After that all it takes is seeing them smile and my heart melts. My mom always says "never let the sun set on your anger" and I believe that. ill stay up all night until I find peace within myself. What I WAS capable of tho, is feeling heartache. Heartache that i would translate into anger at myself, at life, and how shallow I thought society was, how shallow I still think it is I guess. Started to drugs a lot more often. told my parents I was sick all the time so i wouldn't have to go to school. I still did dugs for what I thought was to try to and find new perspectives and grow to be a better person through them but i was really just "trying to catch a buzz just to help me picture love" as someone once said. I never fit in with the "druggies" i was labled with either. They wanted to go to parties, I wanted to go camping. They wanted to see how fucked up the could get, well, lets just say getting "fucked up" dosnt feel like love it feels like being a worthless piece of shit to me lol.
So yeah, I fealt like I was all alone despite always being with ppl, seeing as I couldn't relate to them. Then at some point later in 9th grade I did Vicoden and that was sort of a turning point. Tho I was still obviously depressed afterword, vicoden showed me that people arnt so horrible, and that it was still possible to feel like i did in elementary school. I loved everyone and let go of everything and had fun for the first time in such a long, slow period of time; and people seen it. It was better then even the best of ecstasy highs. I actually became close with a lot of people that day. I was just as depressed as I was before I did vicoden a couple days later, but i used this experience as a tool that would eventually help pull me out of this rut. What really was the turning point was shortly after this experience I somehow realized "if you want to be loved, u need to love yourself, Then everything else will fall into place". It was all uphill after that really.
By a few weeks into 10th grade the emotionally taxing on again off again relationship i had with a girl for the previous 12 months had ended and i was high flying. Happiest time in my life since i was a child
Not much had changed except I loved myself, and i loved my life; nothing but good came from that. 2 days before Christmas break i got expelled. I was suspected of selling adderal (im prescribed) and so the principle came and got me. I didn't have any adderal on me, but what i did have on me was an 1/8 of shrooms and over $500 in my pocket. Thank goodness no charges were pressed but that was that, I was expelled, and it goes without saying my parents were extreamly disappointed. Apparently im not allowed to be to happy for to long, at least not at that time. My parents didn't get me signed up for a new school until over a month had passed since my expulsion; and it was online school. Now, i may score in the top 1% in the nation and state on standardized testing, but there's two things im not good at: one, working fast to get caught up, and two, motivating myself to stay focused on school work in a non school environment. Even with my adderal i find my self rereading things ten times over till i finally realize what i just read. so im gona have to redo a semester of almost all my classes next year. During all this a guy who used to be my best friend with just the year before (we just grew apart) killed himself, on my birthday a few months ago.Strangely, im not all that depressed, but i do feel alone. Like theres no one who shares my interests. Aside from my best friend whom i grew up with (he went to private school with me) i feal like i cant share my opinions on things such as politics and just life in general without them thinking im weird for even caring about such things, but all he wants to do lately is smoke pot wich i no longer do just cuz I have nothing else to learn from it. The thing is when he smokes he gets REALLY anti social/zoned out AND he almost fucking died (weird, i know. that's a different story tho) but he still smokes anyway.
Ok I AM DONE *gasp of air*
God Damn that turned into an auto biography LMAO! well that's the first time iv recounter everything so whatever therapy i guess lol
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to any of u that actually read that or attempted to lol id love to hear ANY comments QUESTIONS!
1. am i the only one who has a problem with how negative people can be? for example, "God, i hate how nice they are! why do some people have to act so fucking friendly."
2. have any of you had an experience with or seen somebody appear to "overdose" on weed? i mean completely unresponsive, extreamly high temp, pale face, eyes rolled back, shit like that.
3. why do people do drugs just to get fucked up, despite it being un pleasant?
4. why arnt more people "romantics"? Like living in peace, love, unity, respect, striving to be socially and politically conscious, searching for a life of peace and euphoria rather then the next momentary rush.
All responses accepted no matter how brief or lenghtly
and I hang out with a lot of romantics. I think that everyone has this romantic side in them but people express them differently.