So I dont keep a blog or anything i just feel that since the only thing i have here is the beginnings of an addiction and now that time has past I wanted to put something related here. About where I left off and what not because its rare people follow up on stuff.
I get to point and laugh at anyone who tried to tell me my g/f was using me or that it wasnt the way i knew it was. From the point that i left off things got worse, way worse even. I got clean in the end of 2012 and stayed that way until my relapse in 2014 and she was a daily IV user everyday multiple times a day while i was clean. We would go get dope i never taught her to IV and it didnt bother me. Everyone would be amazed because i am the only person who could be completely clean, off subs and everything, yet still buying, mixing, and shooting up someone multiple times a day with no problem. I use to joke about being sick coming off subs and with like 5 bundles of dope and a needle just like "i could just go raaaarara fuck it! and slam it into my arm" but i had no desire to.
So me being clean and her not continued until September of 2014 when i relapsed. At first I tried to hide it but she was an active IV user it was probably like 2 weeks of snorting before she could tell and i wasnt even doing it daily. She wasnt mad just concerned and worried she did ruin my life by not stopping and if we were anyone else it may have...
This is the awesome part. Beyond my ability to be surrounded by heroin while clean and even load it into a rig and shoot it into someone I have the ability to stop addictions with ease. Something being a daily thing never meant i had to do it everyday to me but rather i choose to, so after a short period of time IVing daily i chose to stop. Having had success with subs i tried them again but they had so many side effects this time around I couldnt do it. I could not keep up with the life so i had to get on methadone which i did. After about i month i got my g/f to join me. We had a 3-4 week period where we kept using but it dwindled. This was in February of 2015 so its only been 6 months.
My girlfriend is currently on 40mg and trying to get to 30mg. She meets much resistance at the clinic about lowering her dose because when she signed up she was a wreck. She was on multiple sleep aids and benzos but she was all but forced off benzos when her mom took her to some crazy psychologist her called her therapist saying he was basically "giving drugs to an addict and he can have his license removed and she will see to it if he doesnt get her off benzos" so shes down from 30mg of valium a day to 5mg from the beginning of the month and has stopped taking her anti depressants. She is a completely different person from who she was 6 months ago. She use to cry in the clinic about her life and stuff. So they are not use to an addict going from hopeless to super confident alpha female in 5 months i get it. But she went from not caring about herself to getting her hair and nails done, I swear to god shes the woman i knew she was now.
She use to have confidence issues but we make a game out of who can lower their methadone the quickest or work out the most who can out do everyone around the other the best or get passed impossible things. Seriously its going to be like "how was your day?" "oh well since we just went cold turkey off 10mg of methadone i spent the morning at work taking orders in between blasting puke in the bathroom but i still managed to lift, you know real eat nails and breath fire type shit" And this is coming from the girl who use to tell me she cant do it.
To literally everyone in my life who said for years she was using me and i said no you dont know her and theres something in her that i know is there. For like 3 years she was jobless and completely reliant on me people would confuse this for her using me or me trying to control her which was not the case. There is a being of great strength and intelligence inside of her and it was buried in abusive males a terrible childhood and a drug addiction she just needed some help.
I will always say relapsing was the best decision i made. If i didnt and did not get on methadone we may never have gotten to this point. I no longer fear the days and we are always trying to slip each other money and its just so awesome to finally have the person i knew was there back. Its hard for me to find someone who i can tolerate and who will get me, i am far from normal and we can never have a normal life because of who i am. But she gets me and shes every bit as smart and gifted as me and together we will rule the world having been through what we have.
I get to point and laugh at anyone who tried to tell me my g/f was using me or that it wasnt the way i knew it was. From the point that i left off things got worse, way worse even. I got clean in the end of 2012 and stayed that way until my relapse in 2014 and she was a daily IV user everyday multiple times a day while i was clean. We would go get dope i never taught her to IV and it didnt bother me. Everyone would be amazed because i am the only person who could be completely clean, off subs and everything, yet still buying, mixing, and shooting up someone multiple times a day with no problem. I use to joke about being sick coming off subs and with like 5 bundles of dope and a needle just like "i could just go raaaarara fuck it! and slam it into my arm" but i had no desire to.
So me being clean and her not continued until September of 2014 when i relapsed. At first I tried to hide it but she was an active IV user it was probably like 2 weeks of snorting before she could tell and i wasnt even doing it daily. She wasnt mad just concerned and worried she did ruin my life by not stopping and if we were anyone else it may have...
This is the awesome part. Beyond my ability to be surrounded by heroin while clean and even load it into a rig and shoot it into someone I have the ability to stop addictions with ease. Something being a daily thing never meant i had to do it everyday to me but rather i choose to, so after a short period of time IVing daily i chose to stop. Having had success with subs i tried them again but they had so many side effects this time around I couldnt do it. I could not keep up with the life so i had to get on methadone which i did. After about i month i got my g/f to join me. We had a 3-4 week period where we kept using but it dwindled. This was in February of 2015 so its only been 6 months.
My girlfriend is currently on 40mg and trying to get to 30mg. She meets much resistance at the clinic about lowering her dose because when she signed up she was a wreck. She was on multiple sleep aids and benzos but she was all but forced off benzos when her mom took her to some crazy psychologist her called her therapist saying he was basically "giving drugs to an addict and he can have his license removed and she will see to it if he doesnt get her off benzos" so shes down from 30mg of valium a day to 5mg from the beginning of the month and has stopped taking her anti depressants. She is a completely different person from who she was 6 months ago. She use to cry in the clinic about her life and stuff. So they are not use to an addict going from hopeless to super confident alpha female in 5 months i get it. But she went from not caring about herself to getting her hair and nails done, I swear to god shes the woman i knew she was now.
She use to have confidence issues but we make a game out of who can lower their methadone the quickest or work out the most who can out do everyone around the other the best or get passed impossible things. Seriously its going to be like "how was your day?" "oh well since we just went cold turkey off 10mg of methadone i spent the morning at work taking orders in between blasting puke in the bathroom but i still managed to lift, you know real eat nails and breath fire type shit" And this is coming from the girl who use to tell me she cant do it.
To literally everyone in my life who said for years she was using me and i said no you dont know her and theres something in her that i know is there. For like 3 years she was jobless and completely reliant on me people would confuse this for her using me or me trying to control her which was not the case. There is a being of great strength and intelligence inside of her and it was buried in abusive males a terrible childhood and a drug addiction she just needed some help.
I will always say relapsing was the best decision i made. If i didnt and did not get on methadone we may never have gotten to this point. I no longer fear the days and we are always trying to slip each other money and its just so awesome to finally have the person i knew was there back. Its hard for me to find someone who i can tolerate and who will get me, i am far from normal and we can never have a normal life because of who i am. But she gets me and shes every bit as smart and gifted as me and together we will rule the world having been through what we have.
