The idea of hitting bottom is a very dated, rather outdated concept. It is of very little use. Actually, that is, if it is of any real use whatsoever... Dwelling on how fucked up your life is, memories of intense suffering and discomfort, and how you're not where you want to be or doing what you want to do is simply not helpful. Instead, without denying where you've come from and the reality of how painful your life currently is, focus on where you want to go and how much you have to achieve.
When I was your age, albeit deeper into dependency than you are and using "harder" and more drugs (so it sounds at least), imagining my life abstinent or not using again simply didn't work. It wasn't until I basically came clean with myself about how I actually didn't care about whether I was abstinent or not, and began be honest with myself about what I really wanted out of life. Once I was able to get myself together a plan, identify some authentic, reasonable goals and began setting out to achieve them, it sobriety just didn't work out well. Granted I wasn't abstinent during that period where I was trying to "be abstinent," but my drug use then was more destructive than it was or has ever been. Once I started focusing on doing what I cared about in my life, what drug use remained became much, much more responsible and moderate - until eventually I basically stopped using.
I'm not saying forget about it and you'll achieve it. Doesn't work that way either. But I strongly suggest throwing the whole rock bottom concept out the window and start identify goals you
really care about - i.e. that you care about more than using and how using makes you feel. And although it goes without say, it must be emphasized that without a support system (therapist, friends, family, loved ones, my work environment, volunteering, BL, my hobbies, etc. etc.) - not so much regarding staying off drugs only support, but all around support necessary to live a healthy, successful life - I doubt I would have gotten [back] on track. Doing it by yourself, by no mean impossible, it just so much harder and less realistic. Eventually the support, especially regarding sobriety, is just not as necessary, but I think for most of us it takes time to get to that point.
Keep it real and keep moving forward. The more good decisions you make about your life, not just your drug use, the better you're life will become. The more things you'll achieve and the more you'll love the fact you get to be alive.
Focus on your goals. You can't change the past. And since you make your own future, might as well make strategic choices and healthy decisions so you're able to do what's necessary to avoid reliving your past over and over again.
Best wishes! If you're from CT, my heart goes out to you. I so miss living in Hartford, especially around this time of year when the ginko trees begin turning golden
