RapidFire86
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2015
- Messages
- 8
Good Morning, Loves!
I am a native Texan woman, raised in Germany for the better part of my young life, having permanently "settled" in the States since 2011. I am an OTR (over-the-road) truck driver, in my late 20s, which is my greatest passion, second only to my love for God's word. I am acutely aware that this may be a divisive or uncomfortable topic for many members of this community, and have no intention of broaching the subject outside the designated Community Forum (i.e. Philosophy & Spirituality), or when asked for my input. I am not a "Bible thumper" or "religious nut", in other words ? I only mention it in the context of my background and what is most important to me. In other words, I am never happier than when I am in one of two places: sitting in Bible class, and shifting gears with the hum of the highway under my feet.
I stumbled upon Bluelight by accident (as seems to usually be the case) roughly six months ago. I have never been overtly curious about drugs and their appeal, "legal" or "illegal", and didn't even try weed for the first time until 2010, but I am a total nerd. No other way to put it. I love to inform myself and draw conclusions from an objective standpoint, not from personal bias or ignorance, or the garbage that the media and society claim as "fact" (ex. anything based on "stigma").
I have smoked weed maybe a handful of times in the last five years, always within the parameters of it being offered by someone I knew well, in their home, when I was not putting a job at risk, etc. Always under very casual, random circumstances, pleasant in the moment, and quickly forgotten.
Early last year, maybe around February or March, I was in between jobs and spending time with a close friend in a similar position. One night, I'd stayed over with him at his grandmother's - we slept in the same bed, but didn't "fool around", out of respect for her. Sex was never really a "factor" in the relationship; the two or three times it occurred, it was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC, but purely incidental. We enjoyed each other's company on a platonic basis, which made the friendship that much more special to me.
Turns out it was a wise choice to defer, that night, as his grandmother came into the room at one point unannounced (unaware that he had "company", but still), while we were falling asleep. I was turned away with my back to her, and pretended to be asleep, and it took her a moment to notice me, as she was asking my friend something. The following exchange was hilarious.
She apparently thought (judging by the BACK of my HEAD) that I was a particularly unwelcome ex-girlfriend of his, that had a penchant for making both their lives miserable. In hushed tones, I heard her furiously demanding what the fuck "she" was doing there, and voice her intention to forcibly drag my ass out by my hair, while Chris fervently assured her that I was not "that bitch". I was poised, of course, to launch myself out of bed in case of granny-attack, but was more focused on not shaking too much from silent giggles. Thankfully, she realized that I, in fact, am blonde, while her nemesis was a brunette. Crisis averted.
Back on topic, the following morning, I bemoaned my lack of coffee, to which he replied, "I've got something better than coffee." I wonder how many know where this is going. ? He proceeded to fix a line of meth on the dresser (I'd known he'd had a brief history of using recreationally, but had never witnessed him using), and I watched him snort it, with mild curiosity. He never pressured or glorified it, in fact insisted that I did not have to partake. My one thought: You know, I'm aware of the drastic effects and addictive potential this drug can have, I've seen it first-hand, but I want to understand the "hype". I was in a safe place, relaxed mindset, no naïveté, simply curious to see if it really had such drastic effects as popular opinion made it out to be. After all, my friend (while likely having a slightly higher tolerance than none) did not seem drastically altered. So I snorted that shit per his instruction and GOOD LORD IT BURNED. I am a bit of a goofball and very lighthearted, so he was amused at my exaggerated spluttering and exclamations. Then it hit. My reaction: Hmmm. I can see the appeal. This is DEFINITELY better than coffee.
I have a unique brain chemistry. Pain killers do not make me sleepy. I've had an IV morphine push that left me happily dazed and walking fine, albeit a bit more... Casually. I have had sporadic pain management for two herniated lumbar discs, and Vicodin 10s only give me brief euphoria that clears the cobwebs, with hours of energy and motivation, free from any aches or pains. Meth is similar. I enjoyed the head rush, was slightly more animated and energized, but it was refreshingly "me". Zero jitters or antsy feeling, and no "comedown". From that point, it was a fun, occasional recreation when we happened to hang out for a day or two, always insufflated, with little redosing. It happened maybe once or twice after the first time, over the course of maybe six months. It was during that time that I found Bluelight in my desire to be better informed.
It is still a very infrequent indulgence, dependent on circumstance. My longest "stint" was a week or so of daily usage, stuck in a hotel in a different state and off from work, with a gram supplied by another friend who shared his own, and uses strictly to accommodate his demanding work and personal life. He has done so for about twelve years, and is very cautious, himself. Of course, in his own words, he "knows he is an addict" and will always use, although he is completely functional if he runs out.
That week demonstrated the vital importance of sleep, food, hydration, and hygiene. That was the only time I experienced a comedown, which was unpleasant enough that I have never gone any further than the occasional sleepless night, and always make a point to hydrate and eat. When I did run out, at that time, I simply slept as long as I could, and never felt a craving, afterward, even during the uncomfortable two or three days of drained, sore muscles and lack of energy. Once I let my body rest and recover, I was back to normal, and my indulgence continues to be very sporadic and short-lived.
I know that some may think, WHAAA? A Christian that swears? Enjoys sex?! Dabbles in METH?!! I'm being facetious but really, just tongue-in-cheek. I'm not a hypocrite, just delightfully human like the rest of you ?
I know that my background may vary greatly from many members', but I have known addicts, and have a deep empathy for those that struggle with addiction, because guess what? None of us are any better than another. We all share the same inherent weakness and susceptibility to temptation or "escape". If I have a different area of weakness from yours, it does not make mine "better" or yours "worse". I am not an addict, and do not have a penchant for substance addiction. But I am not a "better person" for that, and I am not so arrogant or stupid as to think that I "can't" or "will never" become addicted. That would almost ensure as much.
I am overwhelmingly appreciative of the tireless efforts by the admins to keep this place safe from careless misinformation, personal bias, or abuse by others with no interest in harm reduction. This is a wonderful community, with wonderful people and resources, and I am happy to be included. For anyone who had the patience and fortitude to read this entire thing, you are fucking awesome.
I'm sure you've guessed that I may be slightly "stimulated", as I had a small bump last night around 7PM or so, after a few days without. Yup, going on twelve hours and one nostril's-worth. Told you I was weird ?
I am a native Texan woman, raised in Germany for the better part of my young life, having permanently "settled" in the States since 2011. I am an OTR (over-the-road) truck driver, in my late 20s, which is my greatest passion, second only to my love for God's word. I am acutely aware that this may be a divisive or uncomfortable topic for many members of this community, and have no intention of broaching the subject outside the designated Community Forum (i.e. Philosophy & Spirituality), or when asked for my input. I am not a "Bible thumper" or "religious nut", in other words ? I only mention it in the context of my background and what is most important to me. In other words, I am never happier than when I am in one of two places: sitting in Bible class, and shifting gears with the hum of the highway under my feet.
I stumbled upon Bluelight by accident (as seems to usually be the case) roughly six months ago. I have never been overtly curious about drugs and their appeal, "legal" or "illegal", and didn't even try weed for the first time until 2010, but I am a total nerd. No other way to put it. I love to inform myself and draw conclusions from an objective standpoint, not from personal bias or ignorance, or the garbage that the media and society claim as "fact" (ex. anything based on "stigma").
I have smoked weed maybe a handful of times in the last five years, always within the parameters of it being offered by someone I knew well, in their home, when I was not putting a job at risk, etc. Always under very casual, random circumstances, pleasant in the moment, and quickly forgotten.
Early last year, maybe around February or March, I was in between jobs and spending time with a close friend in a similar position. One night, I'd stayed over with him at his grandmother's - we slept in the same bed, but didn't "fool around", out of respect for her. Sex was never really a "factor" in the relationship; the two or three times it occurred, it was FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC, but purely incidental. We enjoyed each other's company on a platonic basis, which made the friendship that much more special to me.
Turns out it was a wise choice to defer, that night, as his grandmother came into the room at one point unannounced (unaware that he had "company", but still), while we were falling asleep. I was turned away with my back to her, and pretended to be asleep, and it took her a moment to notice me, as she was asking my friend something. The following exchange was hilarious.
She apparently thought (judging by the BACK of my HEAD) that I was a particularly unwelcome ex-girlfriend of his, that had a penchant for making both their lives miserable. In hushed tones, I heard her furiously demanding what the fuck "she" was doing there, and voice her intention to forcibly drag my ass out by my hair, while Chris fervently assured her that I was not "that bitch". I was poised, of course, to launch myself out of bed in case of granny-attack, but was more focused on not shaking too much from silent giggles. Thankfully, she realized that I, in fact, am blonde, while her nemesis was a brunette. Crisis averted.
Back on topic, the following morning, I bemoaned my lack of coffee, to which he replied, "I've got something better than coffee." I wonder how many know where this is going. ? He proceeded to fix a line of meth on the dresser (I'd known he'd had a brief history of using recreationally, but had never witnessed him using), and I watched him snort it, with mild curiosity. He never pressured or glorified it, in fact insisted that I did not have to partake. My one thought: You know, I'm aware of the drastic effects and addictive potential this drug can have, I've seen it first-hand, but I want to understand the "hype". I was in a safe place, relaxed mindset, no naïveté, simply curious to see if it really had such drastic effects as popular opinion made it out to be. After all, my friend (while likely having a slightly higher tolerance than none) did not seem drastically altered. So I snorted that shit per his instruction and GOOD LORD IT BURNED. I am a bit of a goofball and very lighthearted, so he was amused at my exaggerated spluttering and exclamations. Then it hit. My reaction: Hmmm. I can see the appeal. This is DEFINITELY better than coffee.
I have a unique brain chemistry. Pain killers do not make me sleepy. I've had an IV morphine push that left me happily dazed and walking fine, albeit a bit more... Casually. I have had sporadic pain management for two herniated lumbar discs, and Vicodin 10s only give me brief euphoria that clears the cobwebs, with hours of energy and motivation, free from any aches or pains. Meth is similar. I enjoyed the head rush, was slightly more animated and energized, but it was refreshingly "me". Zero jitters or antsy feeling, and no "comedown". From that point, it was a fun, occasional recreation when we happened to hang out for a day or two, always insufflated, with little redosing. It happened maybe once or twice after the first time, over the course of maybe six months. It was during that time that I found Bluelight in my desire to be better informed.
It is still a very infrequent indulgence, dependent on circumstance. My longest "stint" was a week or so of daily usage, stuck in a hotel in a different state and off from work, with a gram supplied by another friend who shared his own, and uses strictly to accommodate his demanding work and personal life. He has done so for about twelve years, and is very cautious, himself. Of course, in his own words, he "knows he is an addict" and will always use, although he is completely functional if he runs out.
That week demonstrated the vital importance of sleep, food, hydration, and hygiene. That was the only time I experienced a comedown, which was unpleasant enough that I have never gone any further than the occasional sleepless night, and always make a point to hydrate and eat. When I did run out, at that time, I simply slept as long as I could, and never felt a craving, afterward, even during the uncomfortable two or three days of drained, sore muscles and lack of energy. Once I let my body rest and recover, I was back to normal, and my indulgence continues to be very sporadic and short-lived.
I know that some may think, WHAAA? A Christian that swears? Enjoys sex?! Dabbles in METH?!! I'm being facetious but really, just tongue-in-cheek. I'm not a hypocrite, just delightfully human like the rest of you ?
I know that my background may vary greatly from many members', but I have known addicts, and have a deep empathy for those that struggle with addiction, because guess what? None of us are any better than another. We all share the same inherent weakness and susceptibility to temptation or "escape". If I have a different area of weakness from yours, it does not make mine "better" or yours "worse". I am not an addict, and do not have a penchant for substance addiction. But I am not a "better person" for that, and I am not so arrogant or stupid as to think that I "can't" or "will never" become addicted. That would almost ensure as much.
I am overwhelmingly appreciative of the tireless efforts by the admins to keep this place safe from careless misinformation, personal bias, or abuse by others with no interest in harm reduction. This is a wonderful community, with wonderful people and resources, and I am happy to be included. For anyone who had the patience and fortitude to read this entire thing, you are fucking awesome.
I'm sure you've guessed that I may be slightly "stimulated", as I had a small bump last night around 7PM or so, after a few days without. Yup, going on twelve hours and one nostril's-worth. Told you I was weird ?
Quite an interesting read, and you seem quite an interesting person. As for the lack of responses, it's nothing you did wrong, just alot of members don't seem to bother with NMI for some reason. So it sounds like you really like your job. I always thought that would be a fun job, as I like to travel but never really get to. Don't you get sore though, sitting and driving that much??