Average Whiteboy
Bluelighter
My mindstate's wicked, and I'm not even twisted
My life's all fucked up, I wish somebody could fix it
Analyze the thoughts in my head, thinkin' of how to get ahead
But instead I sometimes think I'd be better off dead
In life I don't know where I'm at, smokin' a sack, sit back and just try to relax
But I can't control my brain and into the memories of pain I relapse
Just look at my life, I never did shit right
Parents and I in a fight over some shit I said the other night
Nothing is right, for me living is merely a plight
Tell everybody I see to get outta my sight
See my sister come home drunk, few years later found out she was tweakin'
Ran around town with dudes, so my dad gave her a beatin'
Now Child Protective Services is trying to take us kids away
During therapy sessions with the counselor my thoughts would stray
Maybe because my parents would lie about the whole situation to keep my happy
But finding out the truth years later has come back to attack me
Things just become more wrong
People around me giving fake motivation and telling me to be strong, but fuck it
Let's move on
Smart kid, but then I thought I was too cool for school
Fucked me up, and I pulled the wool
Over my own eyes, told way too many lies
Nights I cried and I had nobody by my side
Never said the right things or dressed correct
Insults and loneliness left my self esteem wrecked
I guess I shouldn't be upset, what else could I expect?
I don't know, fuck, I just wanted a little respect
Damn, I'm just tryin' to be cool, why all the ridicule?
Just let me hang out, you dudes don't gotta be cruel
A victim of sexual abuse, I'm telling you the truth
Scarred me forever, fucked me up worse than any event of my youth
Nobody would hug me, would somebody love me?
Girls wouldn't touch me, they said I was too ugly
And the one that did, she pulled some shady shit
Tried to fuck my best friend at the time, damn...how could she switch?
So fuck it, once again, I walk alone
Do it all on my own, in my mind I thought I was grown
Fuck school dances, I'm not takin' anymore chances
A lack of self confidence made for no chance at romance
High school, senior year, this bullshit is almost finally over
Introduced to drugs, always tried to be the opposite of sober
Fuck it, barely graduated, but just glad I made it
Here's a piece of paper for all your pain so far, congratulations
For the last few years, the clique I was with, we all kicked it
It was cool, but then the script, it flipped
Everyday somebody arguing over bullshit
But shit, that ain't it, ended up catchin' a fuckin' court case
Parents got fed up, and threw my outta their place
Packed my bags, about to leave, my mom crying hysterically
Screaming, I can't go is what she's telling me
Damn, so now here I sit in this situation
Can't make decisions without hesitation
I'm just sick and tired of it all, how can I make this shit stop?
It won't, unless you shut off your life clock
Til then, all I got, a few friends and hip-hop
It's been the one thing in my life that I've always had
Makes me glad when I'm sad and for those few minutes things aren't so bad
No clue what to do, so I sit here and listen to Stillmatic, track eight on repeat
Thinking of how it'll be when they bury me
My life's all fucked up, I wish somebody could fix it
Analyze the thoughts in my head, thinkin' of how to get ahead
But instead I sometimes think I'd be better off dead
In life I don't know where I'm at, smokin' a sack, sit back and just try to relax
But I can't control my brain and into the memories of pain I relapse
Just look at my life, I never did shit right
Parents and I in a fight over some shit I said the other night
Nothing is right, for me living is merely a plight
Tell everybody I see to get outta my sight
See my sister come home drunk, few years later found out she was tweakin'
Ran around town with dudes, so my dad gave her a beatin'
Now Child Protective Services is trying to take us kids away
During therapy sessions with the counselor my thoughts would stray
Maybe because my parents would lie about the whole situation to keep my happy
But finding out the truth years later has come back to attack me
Things just become more wrong
People around me giving fake motivation and telling me to be strong, but fuck it
Let's move on
Smart kid, but then I thought I was too cool for school
Fucked me up, and I pulled the wool
Over my own eyes, told way too many lies
Nights I cried and I had nobody by my side
Never said the right things or dressed correct
Insults and loneliness left my self esteem wrecked
I guess I shouldn't be upset, what else could I expect?
I don't know, fuck, I just wanted a little respect
Damn, I'm just tryin' to be cool, why all the ridicule?
Just let me hang out, you dudes don't gotta be cruel
A victim of sexual abuse, I'm telling you the truth
Scarred me forever, fucked me up worse than any event of my youth
Nobody would hug me, would somebody love me?
Girls wouldn't touch me, they said I was too ugly
And the one that did, she pulled some shady shit
Tried to fuck my best friend at the time, damn...how could she switch?
So fuck it, once again, I walk alone
Do it all on my own, in my mind I thought I was grown
Fuck school dances, I'm not takin' anymore chances
A lack of self confidence made for no chance at romance
High school, senior year, this bullshit is almost finally over
Introduced to drugs, always tried to be the opposite of sober
Fuck it, barely graduated, but just glad I made it
Here's a piece of paper for all your pain so far, congratulations
For the last few years, the clique I was with, we all kicked it
It was cool, but then the script, it flipped
Everyday somebody arguing over bullshit
But shit, that ain't it, ended up catchin' a fuckin' court case
Parents got fed up, and threw my outta their place
Packed my bags, about to leave, my mom crying hysterically
Screaming, I can't go is what she's telling me
Damn, so now here I sit in this situation
Can't make decisions without hesitation
I'm just sick and tired of it all, how can I make this shit stop?
It won't, unless you shut off your life clock
Til then, all I got, a few friends and hip-hop
It's been the one thing in my life that I've always had
Makes me glad when I'm sad and for those few minutes things aren't so bad
No clue what to do, so I sit here and listen to Stillmatic, track eight on repeat
Thinking of how it'll be when they bury me
your biggest fan