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Attraction to like-relationships

Lost Ego

Lost Ego

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 11, 2009
Messages
1,453
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Californiaaa
What do you think it is that attracts us to the same types of people, every time? For instance my significant other, seems to be attracted to men that happen to cheat. I've never been a cheater up until i met her (please dont criticize :/). Why is it that she attracts men that cheat or why is it that every relationship she's had, they cheated? For me, i'm into women that aren't really into me. For my aunt it's physically abusive men. For my mom it's verbally abusive men. Time after time, without fail, we tend to find that person that fits that past experienced negative attribute.

Do you think it's that we're somehow drawn to these people(Ex: randomly and coincidentally meet people that fit these qualities without any way of knowing it)? Or do spouses just grow into that characteristic after hearing about it(ex: me deciding to cheat after finding out she's dealt with cheaters)? Or... Do we just actively seek people that are like our first loves?
 
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I agree that people often end up with people who had similar attributes as their last partner.

I used to think I only attracted 'crazy chicks', but guess what? I was ultimately the one who pursued them or submitted to their advances.

Also, do you think that one party in a relationship can influence the actions of the other party? In the OP's case it sounds like he was never tempted to cheat before this girl, and now he's tempted to cheat. Could it be that her behavior is such that it could consciously/unconsciously instill the urge to cheat in their partner?
 
^ i lol'ed.

Do you guys think there is some sort of psychological factor playing into this? Or perhaps something spiritual - as if you were attracted to that sort of aura? I know i like girls with the same energy as my first significant other (if you're into that sort of thing). Or i could phrase it as something more... empirical, like: I like girls that set similar atmospheres and carry themselves the same way as my first SO (more specifically, the first girl i loved - i think that's an important distinction to make if we're really to get to the bottom of things).

I think it has something to do with your first love and that bond that you shared with them.
 
I think we unconsciously seek out specific types of people. For instance, someone who constantly ends up with abusive partners might be doing this because on a subliminal level, he/she feels like he/she deserves to be punished. This could be due to a number of reasons, although the most common ones would probably stem from the person's upbringing.
And then ironically, that person will tend to behave in a manner that will actually perpetuate the abuse in the partner, as might be the case with your girlfriend & cheaters.
 
I don't think this is completely true. If you want to change who you're attracted to - you can. Once you realize it is happening, you need to make the effort to change it.
 
I'm not really sure but it reminded me of this line - "We accept the love we think we deserve".

I always find myself attracted to women who are emotionally detached and independent; this never works well because i'm a very emotional person, which is why i feel like i seek them out because they represent a strong sense of character of which i lack. And yet i push away women who come across as emotionally dependent and needy, perhaps because they reflect that weakness in myself. The dynamics of relationships are so interesting.
 
malakaix said:
I'm not really sure but it reminded me of this line - "We accept the love we think we deserve".
Click to expand...

I like the quote, but I'm not sure we deserve anyone if we spend our days discussing it on online forums ;)
 
llama112 said:
I don't think this is completely true. If you want to change who you're attracted to - you can. Once you realize it is happening, you need to make the effort to change it.
Click to expand...

Agree with this. May not be easy but I believe it's do-able. Just like changing any other of your own traits that you don't like.
 
There can be a lot of reasons. It could POSSIBLY be inherent (as in susceptible through nature>nurture), I won't go into it more than saying your hands can tell you how co-dependent you are, and a certain degree of co-dependency opens you up to abusive relationships. Emotional Masochism in other words.

This sort of thing is almost certainly mostly conditioned though - was her father/uncle a cheater? Does she have a healthy relationship with her parents? She could either have issues with her father, or have a female mother complex (read Jung's Four Archetypes, first chapter) where she emulates her mother's behaviour, having not yet found her own identity.


THis is of course all speculation, as everyone's different. But could be a few avenues to look down, to resolve tingz.
 
I know it goes to youtube, but I don't know what the clip is about. ...why would I want to waste the time clicking a random link when he/she could have easily put a small description.
 
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