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Attempting to turn my life around.

Ligaturd

Ligaturd

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
733
Location
Porkytown, Alberta
I had an epiphany of sorts while on acid about a week ago, I consciously made up my mind to stop being in denial about my opiate habit. Ever since this event i end up getting really upset, almost to the point of tears (when I am sober enough to actually feel sadness) every morning when i wake up and start this vicious cycle again. I was using needles before for a few months last winter when i had a 3 month binge on oxycodone and hydromorphone, the withdrawals from that weren't even as close to as bad as they get now even though i have stopped injecting during this binge that I am currently on. Anyways i dont feel like getting into my whole story, I'm just going to end this with some questions.

So I have been using Oxycodone quite extensively over the past 5 months and have been uaing methadone to get me by whenever i dont have the funds to get the oxy (which is quite often). I have come to the realization that the Methadone has probably put me in a worse situation withdrawal wise and tolerance wise. I use 40 mgs of methadonr to start and then I redose every 12-20 hours depending on how i am feeling. I plan to go to a detox center next sunday, I was wondering how long I should leave between my last methadone dose and the day of my admission to detox so that I can use my 7 days in detox most effectively because I have time constraints due to work.

Does anyone think that will be enough time to get past the physical withdrawals so that I can go back to work right away, keep in mind that I have a labour intensive job. I am also on the fence about going to detox or just going on a maintanance for my addiction seeing as how I probably dont have enough time to detox properly so that I actually can work.

I work with my Father and am his only employee; we also only have 6-7 months a year to make money so this week will turn out to be a pretty huge set back and if detoxing right now might be useless i would like to avoid it.My drug of choice is pretty ingrained into the lives of a few of my family members...has anybody had any success of quiting opiates for good and still being able to have the people that you hold dear to you (that also use your DOC) in your life?

Umm I hope this was coherant enough, i'm not very good at being able to portray my thoughts in a clear and concise manner in text sometimes, this is all very confusing right now as I have alot of conflicting thoughts running through my head. I want to be able to rid myself of this shit but I also dont want my relationships with the people that i am close to right now to be changed in a negative manner.
 
Hi!!!
I read ur thread-and I can feel it-u really want out of this opiate "bliss"...
Im a recovering addict myself, mainly
hydromorphone(i shot the pills), but I saved money and saw a very good doc..
Its been 3 yrs that Im on Subutex-just repaired my relationship w/ my dad..I know how hard it is..
when all u want is that drug..not new clothes, electronics..its ur "happiness" pill..but its a huge lie..
Ask me all u wanna know, and I will tell u all I know, I am with u! Hang on!
 
All i can say is good for you OP. To realise ur situation and want to take steps to clean up is an achievment in itself, Hang in there, Myself only dable in the opiates on the odd occasion, My rut is in benzos moreso but can relate to the realisation that one wants to really change for the better, withdrawrals and the fact it's far from easy but can be done.
 
Thank you both for your kind words, I really appreciate it. The money situation is a huge factor in my decision to get clean, I got a huge raise this year and im more broke than i ever have been in the past. I would love to put the 1000 or more dollars that I spend on drugs every month to things I can enjoy, tangible things like musical equipment and not just drugs that make me feel a false sense of contentment that dissapears when the drugs run out. I would also love to be able to feel normally and be more available emotionally to thr people that I love, especially my little brother.

Bzamp, how effective is the sub. Maintanance? Does is dull the emotions like the more abusable opiates? Or would I feel a more real sense of sobriety? Im thinking of just going on opiate maintanace treatment because I honestly dont think I will be well enough to go back to work full time after just one week of detox.
 
If you don't have a medical need for some sort of chronic-pain relief and are dealing with a fairly new habit with only one or two DOCs, a short & steep taper off your main DOC is far preferable than a switch to a long-lasting maintenance opiate for an extended taper strategy.
The longer the taper, the more likely it'll become an indefinite one.

Also of note is that though the prospect of quitting cold-turkey is terrifying to all junkys, it also has the potential of serving as the ultimate aversion therapy to opiate addiction...... but getting there means first overcoming that fear, because fear is the strongest prison we can build for ourselves.

The easier it becomes to do junk without the fear & pain of total junk-sickness, the easier it becomes to justify a future habit.
When confronted by the opportunity to use opiates, just the thought of being junk-sick is like a giant rubber-band snap to my rationale.

If you take a month to kick, with a week for a steep taper prior to your effort included...... it'll be like recovering from a bad bout of the flu, and luckily the best methods for treating flu work also for WD.

After your last hit......
Lots of water, vitamins, protein, healthy food, establishing drug-free reward patterns, having a regular work/rest/sleep schedule, and the support of your friends/family will bring you right round in no time. And you have the advantage of having deciding to stop the slide before it reaches a crisis point.

The best part is that once you're clean...... everything tends to get a lot more intense; colors are brighter, beauty more potent, and moments of clarity come much more often.
If you're still struggling with depression after the junk is well & truly gone, *then* consider consulting a professional mental health specialist(s), and try to focus on the positive possibilities inherent in life.
 
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I am on a taper with methadone. I guess maybe it is best to go to detox for a week and stay away from maintanance treatments because my goal is to kick everything completely and not be dependant but going on suboxone would be the opposite and the easy way out. If i take the hard way out i will be able to fully realize the situation that i would be getting into when i eventually get thr chance to relapse again. Thanks for your advice, im going to do as you suggested and just go off opiates and maybe some drug counseling to learn some coping techniques and have somebody to help me through my problems.
 
Ligaturd,

I've been where you're at man. My journey is documented here on the dark side. The people at bluelight are tremendous and have helped me an immeasurable amount with my long and drawn out opiate addiction. As Ixchellian mentioned cold turkey, while hell will really put opiate addiction in perspective. You mentioned that you work with your Dad and are his sole employee, with him depending on your effort at work. With that said while I agree that cold turkey is a viable option, I don't think it's realistic for you at this time. I would highly recommend that you taper the oxy so you can continue to work. Slow but sure, with 20% reductions weekly. Also the medications Neurontin or Lyrica are quite amazing for opiate withdrawal. Most DR's readily prescribe them and they do wonders keeping your mood in good spirits in the midst of your taper. Good Luck.
 
Downwardplane, the lyrica sounds like a great idea. Should i just explain my situation to a doctor and mention that i read about lyrica being usefull for my situation? I talked to a drug counselor today, ive decided that I will taper down and go to a detox facility for as long as it takes for me to get well enough to work again without having too much discomfort so probably about 4 or five days starting next friday so that i will only miss one day of work. This facility is medically assisted so im guessing that they may prescribr me some medications to make working more possible at the end of my physical withdrawal.

Im amazed at how supportive people are to my cause, thank you all it means alot to me. Even my connection for these drugs is over extending their kindness to help me get through it and encouraging me to get myself straightened out. I have currently brought myself down about a quarter of my dosage without alot of discomfort(ive been taking xanax and muscle relaxers) , i am going to ask my doctor about lyrica right away. Ive only taken small steps but it feels like I am ready to be done with this and i am very excited to begin detoxing even though i know it will be.horrible.
 
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Taper schedules longer than a week are ok, but I wouldn't push it past two or three, depending on the severity of the addiction and any concurrent polydrug abuse.

I used Lyrica successfully as part of my junk cure. Took roughly a month to get clean. It did wonders for my RLS, chills/sweating, and the WD blues. While it doesn't shorten the withdrawals, it does make them more bearable..... and without addictive potential of benzodiazapines, tranquilizers, etc. Lyrica CAN be habit forming though, although it's not very common.

I didn't recommend it initially due to that addictive potential, and your stated desire to be completely clean.... but hearing your prior interest makes me feel more comfortable in pointing you in that direction.

BTW, though you may be your father's only employee..... I'd hazard the guess that he'd rather have you laid up for a few weeks to get well sooner, and return to work asap...... than to see you work with lessened efficiency for longer. :)
 
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Yes exactly, he just wants me to get well and that is more important than a couple weeks of missed work on my behalf for him. He doesnt know much at all about drugs and how they work but he listens to everything i say without bias and scrutiny. He actually wants to learn about it and help me as much as possible. Its very suprising seeing as how he is pretty narrow minded and stubborn about most things; my mother used to be an addict so she knows how it is.

I have until sunday to taper down as much as possible, It wont be a smooth transition but it will help a bit i hope. Also does anybody know if Tyrosine would help at all with dopamine imbalances caused by opiates?
 
Ligaturd,

I don't see any harm in being up front with your doctor regarding getting Lyrica prescribed to you. If you don't feel comfortable going that route you can mention you have fibromyalgia as it's commonly given for that purpose. I wish you luck in your recovery. It won't be a walk in the park, but as the days go by it gets easier. It's very cool your Dad is so supportive, that's half the battle!
 
The protein regimen with 5-HTP and L-Tyrosine does help. I noticed their benefits most after the acute WD phase was pretty much through. Just don't take the 5-HTP before bed, it can make sleep harder to come by, and it did decrease appetite in my case.
Taking melatonin before bed can also help with staying asleep at any point in your withdrawal.

Just note, that mentioning any sort of intention for off-label use of any prescription, can result in a doctor refusing to write a script. It's a liability thing. Many don't mind as long as it's helpful and you keep them abreast of the situation, but a few will shut right down.
 
Well I realized I needed a job more than anything even sobriety a few months back and I did definitely reach an epiphany myself where I accepted it wasn't about the drugs but what I allowed the drugs to specificly do to my life.

And one of the first things drug use did was cause it to be impossible to hold a job down. So I decided first I would get clean on my own, then find a job. Untill I got clean on my own and realized there was no way I was holding a job down. PAWs made that impossible and so I relapsed. And then got back to thinking how I'd get myself clean cause I always felt like crap most of the time.

Long story short got on sub, no more full agonist opiates, and no more being in wds for 12 hours of everyday. That quickly (within 1 day) allowed me to find a job... and ironically find a crap load of stablity and happiness. At this point yeh I know I still need to get clean, but fuck I'm doing better than I ever have in my life both on drugs or sober. And thats when I really realized that I didn't have to stop drugs 100% to get my life back. I mean what would happen off drugs? I'd go to rehab, get off them... then find a job and pretend with everyone that life was great and I was doing great.

All I really did was just stop allowing a specific drug to ruin my life. And after I finally succeeded, and realized how important it really was to me, I all a sudden felt like a different person. So much happier, times goes by too fast now, I don't feel like I'm still stuck in that neverending rut of opiate addiction/0 productivity. Yes I'm still physically addicted... but in terms of my spirit and mind I can't explain how free I feel. I also got this job so I can obtain medical insurance, which doesn't happen for a whole year. Thats all I care about. Once I get that I'm going straight to detox and quitting my job lol. Then I'm collecting unemployment (couldn't collect these last 4 years as I literally couldn't), staying in some type of rehab/detox for 30 days, and THEN trying to *officially* get on with my life.

Now I'm just in like a presober stage by being on sub. But wow w/out sub I can't imagine how shitty I'd feel about my life right now... it really can save lifes, you just need to want your life saved in the first place.
 
Hey, spent 1 and a half out of my 8 days in detox and went home positive that i was done and able to ride out the withdrawals by myself. I went to sleep for 4 hours and decided to grab some xanax, went to get the xanax and got home and saw that a family member had put an oxy in the bag also. I was so pissed....but i stared at it for half an hour and now im high again. I feel like such a fucking dirt bag.

I called the detox center and told them about it and they said i could try to get back in but i am not first priority even if my habit is worse than everybody elses in there. I dont blame them, i made this horrible decision. Should i be being this hard on myself? Im pretty sure i should. I cant take this anymore. I guess it just helps to vent.

Im still on the waiting list to see if i can go on suboxone or methadone, i hope i can get on that if i cant make it into detox again.
 
Im going to be honest I dont think your going to shake this habit in a week. to me it sounds like maintence is going to be your best option until you can get in a situation where your not going to be tempted to get high every time you turn around. Now maintenance is a commitment cause it will jack your tolerance sky high and make it much more difficult to maintain a habit if you decide to get back on your DOCl. But I know for me suboxone has been a lifesaver I went from a crazy strungout junky to pursuing my degree in under a year. Not to say it solved all my problems I still do other drugs besides opiates and im now more dependant on opiates then I was getting them illicitly but I dont have to hustle and its peace of mind. I guess you need to decide how bad the monkeys got you and if you can throw him off or just change his medicine.
 
Ok this is getting rediculous(sp?) i went another 24 hours without, took suppliments, dxm, ibuprofen, robaxicet, diphenhydramine and when i went to attempt to sleep my legs started hurting so fucking bad and i felt wired as hell. Does anybody know of any sleeping pills that arent benzos to get that will actually let me sleep? Ive had insomnia since i was a kid and have depended on diphenhydramine for the last 5 years to get to sleep.

I dont want to go on MMT because i think that would be like walking backwards, has anybody here tried using naloxone only therapy to help kick their opiate habit? I was reading about an implant that lasts 6 months. I tapered down to a measly 20mgs of methadone before detox and i keep on being such a little bitch about it, there are people that have quit cold turkey from much higher doses and have accomplished bring fully sober atleast, i haven't the willpower to kick this and it scares me. I have only been using for the past 2 years on and off. I quit cocaine, alcohol and dexedrine addictions in the past but this is by far the most challenging addiction to kick for me.
 
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Taking DXM and antihistamines (esp together) can make normal sleep out of the question on their own.... and even the thought of taking DXM in withdrawal is terrifying.

I found that trazadone (an antidepressant) worked a champ for sleep disturbances, and promethazine/phenergan (anti-nausea) almost as well.
Lunesta, ambien, etc..... none of them did squat for my sleeping.... and I've had trouble sleeping since I was a kid.
Really though, the best remedy for long term WD symptoms *and* sleeplessness is excercise. It really does help, even if it totally sucks at the moment.

Don't let anyone tell you different, but acute WD only lasts about a week. You'll feel run down for a month. After that, staving off the dreaded "PAWS" (the frequency & severity of which is very subjective between addicts), is no reason to run to an MMT or subox treatment.
IMHO..... because your goal is to get clean, then maintenance with long half-life opiates is counterproductive. There is no way around opiate withdrawals..... the question for you then, is it preferable to jump in a cold pool, or slowly wade in?
 
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