At Last.
11/23/03,
4:32 PM.
I want to run through a field,
flopping my hands in the air, dancing like a maniac.
I want to climb to the top of a mountain
and scream and yell things right off the top of my mind.
I want to drive as fast as I can down a
desolate desert road and chase the sun into the horizon.
I want to push all boundaries, break all chains, show that
nothing holds me back, that I own me and I’m
deeper than any sea anyone has ever seen, that I am
deeper down below and higher above than even I have ever known.
I want to prove to myself that I can will, and that I can, and I will.
I want to prove to myself just how free I am,
and I am, I am, I am.
I want to inhale, exhale,
hold on, let go, the better or worse,
breath in, breath out, look in, look out,
be the pulse of the universe,
the heart of the universe.
I want to fly in the sky and breath in space
and weave in and out of clouds and chase the comets I’ve
always feared were falling down.
I want to fly rings around the known universe
and explore all there is to sense and experience,
explore new ways to sense and experience in all their hyper-intensity.
I want to have different eyes to see everything.
I want to feel connected and separated from everything,
like Indra's Net stretching from forever to forever
and the eternity between:
the deepest of connections and
the most absolute freedom.
I want all I’ve come to see as futile and hopeless and irreversible in life,
all the aggravating, saddening, fear-producing and negative aspects of life,
all the regrets and guilts and worries just
rolling off me like rain, tickling me.
I want to be thrown into a fit of bubbling blissful laughter because
nothing can touch me, nothing can effect me negatively,
I have my center and it’s something that nothing or no one can ever take away from me.
I’ve woken up and I refuse to go back to sleep,
every passing moment is a pinch that open my eyes wider,
expands my consciousness, I’ll never be sad again, mad again,
bored again, scared again, I’ve
cracked the spoiled shell and found the young child,
full of meaning, growing and glowing within, yawning and smiling.
untouched my the overwhelming gravity of life, I am
the child and I can cradle myself because
I’m the fair maiden and the old man as well.
Life’s the biggest classroom, experience the best teacher,
and you keep taking each class until you pass, so why be held back?
Life’s a game again, and I’m willing to play,
there is no failure, only feedback.
Playing seriously again.
Seriously playful again.
Life’s asking me what it means with every passing second
and every passing second I’m answering,
and I can feel us both smiling.
A smile again, that long lost friend.
We’re holding hands at last.
11/23/03,
4:32 PM.
I want to run through a field,
flopping my hands in the air, dancing like a maniac.
I want to climb to the top of a mountain
and scream and yell things right off the top of my mind.
I want to drive as fast as I can down a
desolate desert road and chase the sun into the horizon.
I want to push all boundaries, break all chains, show that
nothing holds me back, that I own me and I’m
deeper than any sea anyone has ever seen, that I am
deeper down below and higher above than even I have ever known.
I want to prove to myself that I can will, and that I can, and I will.
I want to prove to myself just how free I am,
and I am, I am, I am.
I want to inhale, exhale,
hold on, let go, the better or worse,
breath in, breath out, look in, look out,
be the pulse of the universe,
the heart of the universe.
I want to fly in the sky and breath in space
and weave in and out of clouds and chase the comets I’ve
always feared were falling down.
I want to fly rings around the known universe
and explore all there is to sense and experience,
explore new ways to sense and experience in all their hyper-intensity.
I want to have different eyes to see everything.
I want to feel connected and separated from everything,
like Indra's Net stretching from forever to forever
and the eternity between:
the deepest of connections and
the most absolute freedom.
I want all I’ve come to see as futile and hopeless and irreversible in life,
all the aggravating, saddening, fear-producing and negative aspects of life,
all the regrets and guilts and worries just
rolling off me like rain, tickling me.
I want to be thrown into a fit of bubbling blissful laughter because
nothing can touch me, nothing can effect me negatively,
I have my center and it’s something that nothing or no one can ever take away from me.
I’ve woken up and I refuse to go back to sleep,
every passing moment is a pinch that open my eyes wider,
expands my consciousness, I’ll never be sad again, mad again,
bored again, scared again, I’ve
cracked the spoiled shell and found the young child,
full of meaning, growing and glowing within, yawning and smiling.
untouched my the overwhelming gravity of life, I am
the child and I can cradle myself because
I’m the fair maiden and the old man as well.
Life’s the biggest classroom, experience the best teacher,
and you keep taking each class until you pass, so why be held back?
Life’s a game again, and I’m willing to play,
there is no failure, only feedback.
Playing seriously again.
Seriously playful again.
Life’s asking me what it means with every passing second
and every passing second I’m answering,
and I can feel us both smiling.
A smile again, that long lost friend.
We’re holding hands at last.
