I am a female in my early 30s. I have lived the majority of my life trying to figure out my purpose. I grew up sheltered and spoiled. To this day I do not know what to do with myself. I’ve been a lone wolf for most of my life. I have no kids and no career to speak of.
I am in a relationship with a man that I met online. We’ve been together Over two years. We did meth heavily and fucked our lives off for the majority of our relationship. Some recent legal trouble has forced him to get sober after using for over 20 years (he is in his late 30s). I am trying my best to be a supporting and loving girlfriend.. I cook and I clean and I do whatever else I can to make myself useful. I spent 4 months in jail after a bench warrant caught up with me a Year ago. I was a regular heavy user for 4 years until my arrest. For two weeks after my release I tried to stay sober. I found God and I still communicate with him every day. My SO just wasn’t ready to do the same at that time and I fell back into my old habits for a year, roughly. Now the tables have turned.
He got a good job and is making all the right choices and his life has taken a turn for the better. I took care of him and his young son for nearly two years making easy money as a working girl. I realize now that we both were just in the throes of addiction. Now the pressure is on me to make an honest living and make the right choices.
I won’t give up on this relationship. I Iove this man to death, and he loves me just the same. We both have hurt each other and done things we regret. I know it would be easier to start over with someone new but I also know things that come easy usually aren’t worth a damn.
I can’t get clean. I want to, I know it’s what has to happen, but it is getting harder and harder to maintain sobriety. My relapses are becoming more and more frequent. I can’t be open about my relapses to my SO because that jeopardizes my SO’s sobriety. The last time I admitted to relapsing he threatened to leave. He tells me I keep relapsing because I have no respect for him, because I love the drug more than him, but he was in my shoes not long ago. I feel alone and misunderstood. I try to quit but eventually my urge to escape the pressure gets the best of me. I hate living a double life. I hate having to lie and pretend. I feel a lot of frustration and shame and confusion and I don’t know what to do anymore. So I decided to reach out on these forums. Thanks for reading
I am in a relationship with a man that I met online. We’ve been together Over two years. We did meth heavily and fucked our lives off for the majority of our relationship. Some recent legal trouble has forced him to get sober after using for over 20 years (he is in his late 30s). I am trying my best to be a supporting and loving girlfriend.. I cook and I clean and I do whatever else I can to make myself useful. I spent 4 months in jail after a bench warrant caught up with me a Year ago. I was a regular heavy user for 4 years until my arrest. For two weeks after my release I tried to stay sober. I found God and I still communicate with him every day. My SO just wasn’t ready to do the same at that time and I fell back into my old habits for a year, roughly. Now the tables have turned.
He got a good job and is making all the right choices and his life has taken a turn for the better. I took care of him and his young son for nearly two years making easy money as a working girl. I realize now that we both were just in the throes of addiction. Now the pressure is on me to make an honest living and make the right choices.
I won’t give up on this relationship. I Iove this man to death, and he loves me just the same. We both have hurt each other and done things we regret. I know it would be easier to start over with someone new but I also know things that come easy usually aren’t worth a damn.
I can’t get clean. I want to, I know it’s what has to happen, but it is getting harder and harder to maintain sobriety. My relapses are becoming more and more frequent. I can’t be open about my relapses to my SO because that jeopardizes my SO’s sobriety. The last time I admitted to relapsing he threatened to leave. He tells me I keep relapsing because I have no respect for him, because I love the drug more than him, but he was in my shoes not long ago. I feel alone and misunderstood. I try to quit but eventually my urge to escape the pressure gets the best of me. I hate living a double life. I hate having to lie and pretend. I feel a lot of frustration and shame and confusion and I don’t know what to do anymore. So I decided to reach out on these forums. Thanks for reading
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