Assonant Nightmare(Critique expected and welcomed)

[New]

Ok, I know this isn't any good, this is just my experiment with assonant rhythm.


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I can't only grope in the throes of hope any more
This fear impedes my tears and seeds,
Blossoming slowly, searing sounds and perfections
It threatens with seething sorrow and leads
Into tormenting, harrowing, hateful expressions
Teetering readily on my low self-esteem

Self-destruction demands no introduction
Just a dare to seize its power
Dismantling fortresses of my own design
Striking true at my own trepidation
Paralyzingly cozy in its promise of mine

 

[colicolo]

great words, but I still dont understand, how - do - you - feel. this is good, but can be great, tell us what you feel.

 

[New]

I knew it was missing something...I was so focused on trying to make the rhythm a certain way, I forgot to make the poem actually mean something.

Damn, I feel stupid.