Associate Keeps Asking Me to Help Him Die...

[Druidus]

I have a friend who doesn't do any drugs, and who is quite mentally disturbed, IME/IMO. He does drink as often as possible. He used to be "allergic" to pot, but smokes it now. He's supposed to be on risperidone, imipramine, adderall, divalproic acid, and also a prescribed multivitamin.

He refuses to talk to a therapist, actually implying that I am filling that role. He says he's miserable, hates his life, and wants to die. He keeps asking me to help him commit suicide. Now, he says a lot of things, not all of them true, so I don't want to jump the gun on anything. But around the third time he asked I realized that there's probably reason for worry.

What do I do? Call some authority? He'd consider it betrayal, and I'd fail to help the situation at all. I don't know his family, or how they'd respond. I've done the best I can, and only made him decide that he wants to go painlessly rather than otherwise. Sometimes he seems better than others.

He doesn't take his meds. I've found tons of them, still wrapped in pill-containers. I, through argument, forced him to take his meds for a month. He claims it didn't help, and has stopped. I'm not even sure if he wasn't lying, anyway.

No matter what, he won't take his Adderall, and has taken to selling them. I honestly don't know how to help this guy, any ideas? I kind of think this is beyond my abilities to ameliorate, but I don't know how to proceed from there.

 

[PeacePipeChief]

tell him that u deadset in no way will help him kill himself for starters , let him know people care for him and ask him how his family would feel , as far as i know there isnt much u can do besides be there for him and support him . Im sure someone has better answers than me .

 

[Druidus]

Yeah, I've reinforced that I won't do that for him. I've told him I care about him, and I'm pretty sure his family would feel similarly, though I don't know them. Thanks for the reply.

 

[captaincaveman]

Jeez, that is one hell of a situation. You're going to have to get the authorities involved I think, unless you think he's craving attention. At least get his family on board. To be honest, to lay that burden on you is incredibly selfish. I once had a friend ask me to get him loads of benzos until I found out that he was HIV positive so I put a stop to that. Don't know where you're based, in the UK we have a crisis line which might be worth a call. On a lighter note, good use of ameliorate!

 

[Druidus]

Jeez, that is one hell of a situation. You're going to have to get the authorities involved I think, unless you think he's craving attention.

I'm worried about that. He might be starved for friendship/attention and using this as a ploy for my caring company. If he refuses help, I don't know how the authorities can intervene, unless I can PROVE suicidality. :/

At least get his family on board.

I'm thinking about it, but I'd have to ask him for the phone number to any of his relatives, which I probably could manage. However, then I have the awkward interactions required to tell someone to whom I am a complete stranger that their close relative is severely unhappy/suicidal. I don't know how they'd take it. It might hurt the situation.

To be honest, to lay that burden on you is incredibly selfish.

I agree. I've been suicidal. But I've never deigned to ask of someone else the damning boon of assisting me in the dissolution of my self.

I once had a friend ask me to get him loads of benzos until I found out that he was HIV positive so I put a stop to that.

Maybe I'm missing something, are benzos contraindicated in HIV patients? I was unaware of that, if so. Did you stop because you were worried about his health? Surely you weren't just halting your interaction with a person because they were HIV-positive, were you? I don't get that position, I hope you don't think that way; I'm probably just misinterpreting your post, sorry.

Don't know where you're based, in the UK we have a crisis line which might be worth a call.

Canada

On a lighter note, good use of ameliorate!

My utmost pleasure, in all honesty. I like such words.

 

[TouchN' Stuff Blvd]

He refuses to talk to a therapist, actually implying that I am filling that role.

That sounds like a dangerous situation. I would try to tell him that you are not trained as a therapist, and could consequently do unintentional harm by saying the wrong thing, and that you will still talk to him just as much if he starts seeing someone, but it would be helpful for him to have both in his life. Not to mention it sounds draining to you, which could potentially even create resentment which might make you say something which a fragile person may not be able to handle.

 

[captaincaveman]

Druidus, the guy wanted the benzos to off himself. He asked my for a hundred lorazepam. He later confessed what he planned to do. This caused a big argument because I said how do you think I would have felt unknowingly providing you with the means to kill yourself. We're still mates but that was harsh

 

[Missykins]

If you think that he is a harm to himself, then you should contact his physician or call 911. I had someone did this to me after being suicidal, and I was pissed as help, but being involuntarily hospitalized was the best thing that happened to me.

 

[herbavore]

This has all been said in various posts, but to summarize:

Tell your friend that using you as a therapist is not a good idea for him, or for your friendship. Let him know that the reason you are saying this is because you do value the friendship very much.

Also let him know that asking you to help in his suicide is selfish. He needs to hear this.

Let him know clearly that if you think that he has any plans to really take his life that you will be forced to alert someone to intervene. Let him know that suicidal ideation is not the same as attempting suicide and that it can be a very normal response to feeling overwhelmed by emotional pain. Though it can be a release, it has to be taken seriously.

Establish your own boundaries, knowing what you can and cannot control. You obviously care very much for this person and have tried to help them in many ways. When a person insists on being a victim it is excruciating to watch but unfortunately that is all one can really do from the outside other than what you have been doing which is to encourage them to take control wherever they can (like taking the meds), getting therapy, etc.).

You are doing all the right things--feeling compassion, offering advice, and advocating for therapy for your friend. I think you are doing everything that you can and your friend will ultimately choose the path he wants to walk.