Ask a recovered meth addict anything

[Mr Steve-O]

Physically deteriorating. Waste of life, waste of money and happiness, losing enjoyment in things that would usually bring happiness whilst only to be trapped in a sense of unfulfilment and boredom unless seeking the chemical rush our mind so dearly desires. Always tired, weak, hungry and dehydrated. We reach a giant wall that halts progression in life, unable to climb the wall that represents willpower only to continue seeking the chemical combination that represents the devil incarnate to fill the empty void of emotion that lingers, constantly signing his contract to feel confidence, happiness and enjoyment in mental and physical pleasures for a short period of time, but at what cost? To be stuck at the point in life we are in only to quickly wither away into a skeleton devoid of true emotion. Fuck methamphetamine and jail whomever tries to manufacture the terrible substance that will always be known to me as the devil. We are stronger than substance for we are the substance that shapes our lives.

 

[opi8]

What was your most painful Jackass moment?

 

[Mr Steve-O]

I'd have to say spending 8 days awake, blowing almost a grand each day, not eating for a good five of those days, losing my job in the process. Then on the 8th day dropping my pipe with a half weight in it only to freak the fuck out and beat the shit out of a tree in the back yard (breaking two knuckles in the process) whilst screaming at the top of my lungs till I literally could not talk for a good day after. The next day was physical and mental hell

 

[Mr Steve-O]

Sorry for not replying directly. I am fairly new to the forums

 

[spacejunk]

What's your mother's maiden name?

First childhood pet?

What was the name of your first school?

Sorry, just gently taking the piss.
There are lots of recovering addicts on bluelight.
The real question is how do you heal and move on from such experiences and mistakes?
I would argue that no drug is "the devil" or "evil" - it's more about the hold an addiction can have on us as individuals, and the frightening, unimaginable places that can lead us to. But then again, I'm not a religious person.

Drugs in themselves are just molecular structures that (depending on dosage and so on) can affect the way the human mind and body behaves - sometimes radically; but sometimes moderately - with minimal harm resulting. That's what we're all here for - harm reduction, man.

Methamphetamine is a very destructive drug; but I sometimes wonder whether amazing artists like the Velvet Underground, Lenny Bruce, the Holy Modal Rounders, Bob Dylan (or a bunch of other shit I love that probably nobody on here gives a shit about) would ever have achieved such incredibly inspired artistic heights without crystal meth. Some say drugs stifle creativity, rather than truly inspire it.
Maybe the 'truth' is somewhere in between...?

Personally I don't use the stuff any more either - but i see its place in the world; even if that is a very limited place (medically, culturally etc) with a high degree of risk and a hell of a lot of casualties reminding us of those risks.
5 day benders are never a good thing. Excess of almost anything is bad for you.
But you're still here! Maybe emphasising the future would be better for you than dredging up the low points of your past?

The real question is; are you really recovered?
I don't necessarily buy that shit about "once an addict, always an addict" - but just a friendly rhetorical question.
Just because you've got it under control, out of your life or whatever *now* - doesn't mean the addictive potential is there to stick it's talons back into you in 10 years time.
Detox is the first part of "recovery" in my experience.
Welcome to bluelight

 

[drancer]

Have you ever been able to control your use - in terms of amount and/or frequency?

 

[Mr Steve-O]

Well Brother i believe i am truly recovered (although i admit ill never be the same), i have no cravings and my mind is functioning normally. I have never had a problem with any substance under the sun, simply for the fact i never enjoyed them. I do not crave the amphetamine rush i used to chase, because i am happy now. I know the addiction potential is still there but i believe it would be stupid of me to ever use again because i know exactly what will happen. I agree with emphasizing the future so here are some positive points. im still alive, i just turned twenty, i have a job, a car and my drivers licence, im studying to become an addiction counselor, my family still love me, im physically healthy and my future is looking grand in my eyes. As for creativity meth does amplify one's personality, if you were already a creative person i guess it would allow you to indulge more in your music or artwork. Also the harm reduction thing bro every ones body reacts to chems differently, some guys stay up all night off of one point.

 

[Mr Steve-O]

To be honest no. I chase feelings and when something makes me feel happy/good i do it excessively and that shit made me feel amazing at the time. But i never did anything fucked up to get it.

 

[laugh]

i wish jesus didn't invent tolerance

 

[Spackeradder]

Methamphetamine is a very destructive drug; but I sometimes wonder whether amazing artists like the Velvet Underground, Lenny Bruce, the Holy Modal Rounders, Bob Dylan....

You have exceptional taste, and I'd bet you a thousand dollars Highway 61 Revisited just wouldn't have been the same had Dylan not been riding a killer meth high.

Err, better stay on topic... So how long were you a speedfreak, then, OP?

 

[Mr Steve-O]

two and a half years.

 

[spacejunk]

^ thanks spack, and good responses mister Steve-o

I would like to point out that I kicked meth at about 20...then spent the best part of a decade addicted to opiates. Just, y'know - to put it all in context...

 

[Mr Steve-O]

Well bro! you're here to tell the tale and judging by the comments, have overcome your personal demons as well. By the way cheers for the friendly welcome!

 

[spacejunk]

Hey no problem dude.
Look - I won't lie to you; some days are harder than others.
I still smoke reefer and trip and whathaveyou; but what you said there is paramount in my opinion - survival.

We've lost waaay too many special people on this forum in the last ~18 months (as in, they've died).
One person is too many - but it's been lots - especially in the European/UK contingent.
And that's what we're here trying to prevent; not drug use, but drug harm.

And there's no drug harm worse than death, I suppose.
Either way, you seem to be a positive guy with good support network and yer head screwed on right.
Keep it up, brother.
Cats like you are always welcome on bluelight and AusDD in general.

Just mind the trolls...

PS laugh, I wouldn't blame Jesus for tolerance - it's those damn nuns with their massive habits

 

[Mr Steve-O]

Dude i'm not religious just so you know, I was just comparing it to Satan, you cant troll a troll, I've been sober for at least 6-7 months now if ya's were wondering and there's no way i'm going to die any time soon unless something random as fuck happens. I'm just gonna put this out there whilst i'm at it, the best supplements for any type of recovery are: Vitamin c horse radish and garlic, Melatonin being the best, and Valerian root to calm the nerves. Add the regular dose of daily water and food to this and BAM! You will have yourself back within a month. Oh and bro i'm not gonna stop people from doing drugs. I'm just gonna be there for when they want to. Also i'm here to help with harm reduction as well. One more thing, that big ass speech up top was what i wrote the last time i was coming off of meth.

 

[spacejunk]

^ sorry if you thought i was directing that at you; it's more this tendency of people to say "[insert dangerous thing] is evil / the devil" as a figure of speech, and I have a pedantic habit of correcting them. You're cool, man.
The thing about nuns is in reference to this clever little aside of smart-arsery;

i wish jesus didn't invent tolerance

We didnt pick you for a Jesusfreak or anything, just foolin' with ya.

I guess what I mean is that different people have different ideas of what "getting clean" or "kicking a habit/addiction" or whatever means.
Personally, I've always been a bit of a wild child - and whether that's gotten me into trouble with addiction or not (it has....at times) I can still dig a toke or a psychedelic experience without "falling off the wagon" or whatever.
Basically society has weird standards regarding drugs - and I'm not advocating people use anything, nor that people abstain completely.
Each to their own...y'know, I like smoking a bit of ganja before I kick it with my band or whatever - some people like a beer or a shot of speed or whatever - and so long as you're safe and respectful about how you use - it's cool with me.
You can do anything, but lay offa mah blue suede shoes.

(Now I'm just talking shit, excuse me)

 

[Mr Steve-O]

Oh man all is well. We just think too much. Anyways ill be back tomorrow (Got training now). Ill be honest about one thing before I go. I still partake in n2o whilst listening to music and or playing bass once every month or so hahaha. Peace

 

[Halif]

I'd be surprised if you'd just dropped meth without anything at all acting as a fill in.

Seeing as religious talk has already appeared in this thread (and I admit to laughing at Laugh's jesus inventing tolerance comment), I will play the devil's avocado - I mean, advocate* and ask this question: Can you truly say that you have recovered from an addiction if you are using another substance, even if it's not frequently?

This is a genuine question to both Steve-O and other members. Not trying to be a smart-arse, I just am curious to hear people's thoughts on this.

1. Does recovery from an addiction need a lengthy period of total abstinence immediately afterward? How long?

2. Does using something - anything - on a 'once a month basis' (infrequently, in other words) make one more susceptible to relapsing on the original substance of addiction because the recovery was left incomplete by a crutch?

Thanks to all who respond, and thanks to Steve-O for starting an interesting thread. It's a great idea. I think if I ever get there (abstinence) I'd like to try a similar thread related to opiates. I think I could cover a broad range of questions having detoxed and relapsed dozens of times over, and having used at least ten different opiates/opioids, and nearly the same number of benzos concurrently and as filler.

*100 bonus points if anyone knows where that 'devil's avocado' reference comes from... it's kind of obscure...

 

[spacejunk]

Devil's advocate is just offering the opposing point of view - often using the Socratic Method - to get a different angle on things; the devil's, I guess.
As to the etymology, your guess is as good as mine...

I think that using son kind of "crutch" is acceptable / accepted in the more pragmatic sections of the rehab community.
I have certainly been told "we don't recommend people give up everything all at once".

Total abstinence following a daily drug habit is a recipe for relapse if you ask me.

Having said that, meth addiction is a different beast to opiates, for example.
Not saying one is necessarily worse but each present different challenges.

I don't know where I'd be without a bit of weed, but like booze for a lot of people, it's something I'm comfortable using without feeling like a fiend or an addict.

Matter of perspective I suppose, Mr Devil's Advocate, sir.
You should get some business cards made up with that on them.

 

[spacejunk]

*100 bonus points if anyone knows where that 'devil's avocado' reference comes from... it's kind of obscure...

Isn't that the secret code name for George Brandis?