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As promised, the dead poem *Critic*

PoetessAurora

PoetessAurora

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 28, 2003
Messages
857
Location
Kansas City/Springfield, Missouri
He walked her over to the table,
Poured some glasses of wine,
And commenced in telling her his life story.
Everything from when he played with kittens,
To when he trained as a Navy Seal.
He could tell that she liked hearing it,
She gazed unfaltering into his eyes,
Smiling like the world was perfectly wonderful.
He decided to pour himself another drink or two,
Then spoke about how his mother beat him,
Rightfully so, but still, how he both hated and loved her.
Downing another glass, he chattered gleefully,
About how he threw firecrackers at those kittens,
Mostly because they made too much noise.
How he loved killing as a Navy Seal, it made feel him Godly.
He looked up, staring at her still smiling face.
Boy, did he love her. She always listened,
Never once complained or whined.
That smile, those luscious crimson lips.
He pour the wine straight into his open mouth.
She didn't mind. She loved him for it.
He knew that too, as he reach across the table,
Stroking her soft raven hair.
Sloppily he lifted her up in his arms,
And rested her gently on the table,
Which she didn't protest one bit.
He loosed his tie, his belt, his shoes.
The table was just big enough for him to lie on top of her.
Oh and he fucked her, he fucked her good.
Like she had never let him before.
He clawed at her breasts, lick her face
Then proceeded to bite her neck.
She would bruise in the morning,
But what did it matter?
Because everyone knows,
Dead girls don't say no.
 
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Finally thought of something to say to this. This piece reminds me of the Razoreater from clive barkers the dammnation game. The whole image I had in my head. It also reminds me of one sided conversations. Excellent post
 
dead people kick ass!

I had a dream a while back where I was doing a play that required maniquins, and my friend happened to have these two dead women in victorian garments. So of course we got in my porsche and drove down to th theatre, each with a body across our lap and a head sticking out our windows.

Anyway so I come to a stop light and these girls come to talk to us cause we're in a porsche. One of them is naked. I flirt with her a little, then she notices the dead body and is like 'what the fuck is that?'

and I'm like 'oh theyre just props'

and she's like, 'oh, cool.'
 
Amazing! See I knew we were doing the right thing, hassling you about writing about dead chicks! this is really awesome. Its dirty, its sexy, its just perfect! :)
 
^^^^what she said. This is a really awesome piece of writing; it's easy to write about things that are important to you or which need to be said; much harder to write about a topic at random, and much much more difficult to write well about it. I have much respect for your writing ability. :)
 
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