We are allonE
Bluelighter
As i sit alone,
attempting to put my thoughts in order,
I begin to fall deep into the void within my self.
How deep will it go? Does it end?
I sit and search hard, nothing.
Can it really be that nothing is left?
How long have I been fooling myself?
I have tried to make it all work, to make people happy,
but in the end I have given all I have.
I have given everything and am now left with nothing.
But this cannot be.
There must be something...
All these questions cloud my thoughts,
they leave me with nothing but anger and depression.
Taunting every want I will never have.
Just let go...
And let myself fall? Why?
Have I been climbing the wrong ladder?
Must I fall in order to start again?
But I have already made it so far up this one,
why not jump over to the next?
Might I jump too far? or may be not enough?
Will the pain be greater if I fail?
or is there comfort waiting at the bottom of this one?
The choice is mine, and it must be made soon.
Before I do this, why not look ahead one last time?
As I look ahead, for the first time, I realize that the end fades into the distance.
May be what I am searching for is further up...
But if not, the fall will only be greater.
1...2...3...
As I fall I am able to re-count every step I took.
All the decisions and thoughts from the past just fly by.
All the choices I had made that got me where I was.
I now realize how I can do it differently.
I now realize how much I have learned.
The ground is now in sight, and coming fast.
I close my eyes and wait for impact...nothing.
I seem to have stopped falling, no impact at all.
I open them back up and see jagged rocks inches from my face.
Then I look to my side and warmth fills my heart and soul.
I was caught, my life has been saved.
Who are these people who would save me from the bottom?
Who would risk being smashed by me?
As their faces begin to come into focus I already know who they are.
The ones who saw all the potential and good in me.
The ones who saw straight through the mask I was wearing.
The ones whoe decided to give me a second chance.
The ones who knew it was worth it.
Now that I am back on my feet and able to choose a new ladder to climb,
I notice something sitting at the bottom of the one I had just fallen from...
A tiny little pill...
The first thought to cross my mind is 'Hell ya, that'll be fun!'
Then I remember where it had left me.
Was it all worth it?
Now I reflect on what i have learned...
Yes, it was worth it.
It has opened my eyes to many things I would still be blind to.
It has made me a much more understanding and compassionate person.
It has allowed me to forgive others, as well as myself.
It has let me realize that there is no place for hate.
It has made me realize that I must cherish everything good in my life.
It has made me realize that I no longer need it.
It has made me who I am.
It is the reason I did not crash into the bottom,
for it has allowed me to meet the people who caught me.
Now it is again time to choose.
To those of you to whom this is dedicated, you know who you are.
Thank You.
[This message has been edited by We are allonE (edited 11 November 2000).]
attempting to put my thoughts in order,
I begin to fall deep into the void within my self.
How deep will it go? Does it end?
I sit and search hard, nothing.
Can it really be that nothing is left?
How long have I been fooling myself?
I have tried to make it all work, to make people happy,
but in the end I have given all I have.
I have given everything and am now left with nothing.
But this cannot be.
There must be something...
All these questions cloud my thoughts,
they leave me with nothing but anger and depression.
Taunting every want I will never have.
Just let go...
And let myself fall? Why?
Have I been climbing the wrong ladder?
Must I fall in order to start again?
But I have already made it so far up this one,
why not jump over to the next?
Might I jump too far? or may be not enough?
Will the pain be greater if I fail?
or is there comfort waiting at the bottom of this one?
The choice is mine, and it must be made soon.
Before I do this, why not look ahead one last time?
As I look ahead, for the first time, I realize that the end fades into the distance.
May be what I am searching for is further up...
But if not, the fall will only be greater.
1...2...3...
As I fall I am able to re-count every step I took.
All the decisions and thoughts from the past just fly by.
All the choices I had made that got me where I was.
I now realize how I can do it differently.
I now realize how much I have learned.
The ground is now in sight, and coming fast.
I close my eyes and wait for impact...nothing.
I seem to have stopped falling, no impact at all.
I open them back up and see jagged rocks inches from my face.
Then I look to my side and warmth fills my heart and soul.
I was caught, my life has been saved.
Who are these people who would save me from the bottom?
Who would risk being smashed by me?
As their faces begin to come into focus I already know who they are.
The ones who saw all the potential and good in me.
The ones who saw straight through the mask I was wearing.
The ones whoe decided to give me a second chance.
The ones who knew it was worth it.
Now that I am back on my feet and able to choose a new ladder to climb,
I notice something sitting at the bottom of the one I had just fallen from...
A tiny little pill...
The first thought to cross my mind is 'Hell ya, that'll be fun!'
Then I remember where it had left me.
Was it all worth it?
Now I reflect on what i have learned...
Yes, it was worth it.
It has opened my eyes to many things I would still be blind to.
It has made me a much more understanding and compassionate person.
It has allowed me to forgive others, as well as myself.
It has let me realize that there is no place for hate.
It has made me realize that I must cherish everything good in my life.
It has made me realize that I no longer need it.
It has made me who I am.
It is the reason I did not crash into the bottom,
for it has allowed me to meet the people who caught me.
Now it is again time to choose.
To those of you to whom this is dedicated, you know who you are.
Thank You.
[This message has been edited by We are allonE (edited 11 November 2000).]
