Are you snorting your dad?

[max_]

I really don't feel like expanding, I might do later. So, Are you snorting your dad?

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

If my dad was chopped into a million little pieces and then dried into a powdery residue.. then it might be possible.

 

[RhythmSpring]

Often those with drug problems have father-son relationship problems as well.

Drugs may provide a sense of masculine energy --mental focus, comfort, strength-- in a person who is otherwise lacking it from his relationship to his father.

 

[DeathDomokun]

I grew up without a dad, and I really can't understand people making a big deal out of it. I can understand it might bring some pain but once you're an adult it's up to you to sort out the things you wanted in your childhood instead of acting like it's a big deal.
I've noticed more girls have 'daddy issues' whereas guys just feel like they've missed out on something? Idk

 

[Cyc]

I grew up without a dad too and never understood why this was such a big deal for some people.

Last year I corresponded through e-mail for the first time and it felt like nothing. He didn't bring up anything and I felt too self-conscious to ask, so I just stopped e-mailing him. I didn't cry or feel shitty about it, I was just, "meh, too much effort." Maybe I'll reconsider later, but then again, maybe not.

 

[Wash]

I'm not very close with my father (or anyone in my family for that matter) at all. I can't see why people make a big deal about it, but I don't really invest too much into relationship with family. To me they are just people, never understood the unconditional love thing youre supposed to have for them. If they treat you like shit or arent there for you, it's up to them to fix that, not you.

 

[DooMMooD]

I've noticed a lot of addicts have this problem, male ones in particular. Not always NO father, but having a shit one in the picture, or KNOWING your father but him not giving a damn about you. I feel like its almost different if you didnt know him at all, you had the possibility to find a new father figure. Mine was around but he was a poor alcoholic excuse for a father at best, and a terrible alcoholic at worst. Hes sober now and a totally different person, but I feel like the impact is kind of different.

I believe, for those in a similar boat as myself, it contributed to low self confidence for a lot of us (if you dont have this problem then you obviously dont have it). Also to us using and the likes. Everything rythm said too, and to my problems with stealing girls away from assholes and having them cheat when I never cheat myself, a bit ironic but I guess like to save em I guess from what I see as basically the same as how my dad was, a piece of shit?

Just contributed to my development in such a monumental way that I cannot even state how much of myself is actually derived from it.

As I said I also feel it was worse having a shit one there than missing it entirely. Just my own observations and opinions based off of the work i've doing on myself as well as group and meeting MANY other people with this overlapping issue.

 

[DeathDomokun]

Now look, I grew up without any father figure. If anyone was a father figure to me, it was my mother, but she was a mother figure first.
I have low confidence/self-esteem issues, and I use drugs, but I blame none of that on the cunt who came inside my mother.
Do you know why? Confidence comes from within. Self-esteem, you see that self part? That comes from your SELF. If you said your father held you in low esteem, that's understandable, but blaming your father for your self-esteem when you're an adult is just irresponsible at best.
I also think it depends on the situation. For example, if your dad was abusing you, it would probably be better if he wasn't there at all. If he just neglected loving you, or wasn't around often, or I don't even know, that's a bit different.
If a grown man is looking to someone else for such things, then he isn't much of a man in my books.
I guess it's about what you focus your attention on, really. If you keep blaming others for your issues and focus on negative shit from your past, you can't expect your present to be all that positive. You're still living in the past, with little control over the present as you haven't even given yourself the responsibility of controlling your life.
Just my thoughts though, try not to get too offended if you're sensitive or something

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

what hurts the most, is when you have a dad. When he's physically there, but he's really not there.

People that grew up without a dad got it the easiest. It's harder when you actually have a dad, but it's like he's toying with your emotions making you think "Yay! I have a buddy! I'm an offspring! I want to be just like him, he's so successful!" When, you grow up, and you go through all the shit that your dad puts you through. Demeaning you, making you feel inferior and lesser... it's a lifelong humiliation, and you have to endure his taunts and his feelings of nonacceptance your whole life.

It's like, wow, I came from you, I should be your most prized possession.. I'm ypur only son for fucking sake... shouldn't you love me? yet you scorn me, and look down on me, while I look up to you so much, and love you so much, yet those feelings were never mutual, and never reflected.
My dad has never told me he's loved me.

And that's what hurts the most.

If you haven't ever had a dad, then you have no idea what kind of bond a son and father have. You have no idea what kind of love that is. And when your dad throws it in your face from the very beginning, when you just want someone to love.. it fucks your shit up. So shut the fuck up if you're talking shit on us that have dads, and have father-son problems.

I can guarentee you that having a dad can be so much more painful than not having one.
Those that grew up without a dad, had it easy.

I think that almost every male that has a father can relate to this.

 

[Allein]

I'm really sorry that you feel that way about your father I can certainly relate to some of what you have said, I would dearly love to be able to achieve some resolution to the issues I have with my father but it's too late, he is in serious mental decline and all I can do is just accept him for who he is and what we do have.

There is no doubt in my mind that I have harboured some very difficult issues relating to my relationship with him and that these are mixed up in my own problems with mental illness but I no longer apportion any blame on him for these things, he is human as well and can only be who he is, I hope my children accept me for who I am.

I would never seek to try and make a call on someone else's life or parental relationship regardless of whether they grew up without a father, mother or both, I feel that things are so much more complex than that and it's not really possible to make sweeping statements. I have enough trouble trying to get to grips with my own childhood and parental relationships so really could not begin to understand someone else's.

 

[It's a baby!]

I want to guess what drug you like.

Is it methoxetamine/ketamine? Because that shit brought out bizarre father issues for me, my internal monologue would sound like his voice and this carried into sobriety.

 

[DeathDomokun]

Weird to think dissociatives had that effect, maybe you should try some PCx and see if it happens again?
Now now this is TDS so I probably shouldn't encourage having fun so sorry about that, but it is peculiar..

 

[max_]

I see why not having a father around at all could be less damaging than having a lousy one. I had a kind of lousy dad and I am pretty much over it in the sense that I have come to terms with stuff that happened. But it keeps bugging me because I see how it has influenced my character. I see it everyday, in every relationship I have with my men friends, with my woman friends, with my professors, with older man that I hang out with. I see how it changed me and made me who I am and it sucks 'cause I don't like being all fatherly towards women (that only gets me women with daddy issues and those aren't healthy or keepers for the most part). And with men I actually have no men friends at all (except for one) and I always end up becoming acquainted with older men and women and I try to make healthy bonds with people but I see myself overcompensating on every relationship I have.

Off topic (kind of):
About your dad's voice being the voice in your head. Well, it's not so weird. Many of our values and deepest beliefs are the words of our parents. Phrases that your parents told you many times and are instilled in your brain like "you think you don't care about money but when you grow old you will care". And this kind of stuff is what you end up living by. It is a big deal. Also I have found that my father's voice can make me wake up as soon as I hear it whereas my alarm clock has no effect on me.

 

[Hear Me Roar]

I'm snorting my Dad everyday.
When I was younger, I resented snorting my Dad. The way he would snort and hit me with his dusty nasal belt, would really get to me. But I understand why he snorted the way he did. Not that I care to go into detail.

We all end up saying we won't snort like are fathers and share the same ideals. I grew up thinking, "I'm never going to snort like my dad".

Low behold... I'm 22 and I have a gf with children and I find myself sounding like my father.

child - "look what i've found"
me - "you didn't find it, it was never lost, put it back."

and a load of other crazy phrases, my dad used to say to me.

I really don't know what I'm trying to get at here, I'm drunk and blue. I guess I can just relate to what the OP is saying. Not the fact I never had my father around, I did. An though emotionally he has never been there for me, he has been there for me in all the ways you could want.

blahhhhh. Parents can really fuck you up psychologically and emotionally man.

 

[DeathDomokun]

Your parents fuck you up, but their parents fucked them up, and so forth.