Well.. I'd say I'm unsuccessful as a drug user. I started smoking weed in high school with the occasional mushrooms and dabblings in pharmaceuticals uninterestedly. I graduated and went to college on scholarships due to high high school GPA and ACT score. I've always had social anxiety, on-and-off depression, and aversive tendencies and my freshman year of college was pretty reclusive.. my marijuana smoking increased and I experimented with cocaine, n2o, LSD, opium, an array of pharms, and crack among others. Didn't make too many friends, I was pretty much a dorm hobbit. I excelled in class. Sophomore year I decided to be social, a task I was strangely conscious of and accomplished with relative ease. Up until this point I took drugs for those snippets of alteration in reality, I took them to experience and learn new things in new ways and was not selfish. I made a lot of friends and met a lot of drug dealers. I bought some xanax at a party having never tried it and continued buying it occasionally from the same cat who also sold roxy 30s at X a pop though I was not interested, X$ for a fucking pill? no fuckin way. my naive brain and always broke person couldn't comprehend a pill costing that much and I know now it was a good price for roxies. also I was unemployed. anyway, eventually I had some money and got one, enjoyed it but overall still kinda meh about it. got another one and got a proper high from it and from that moment it was a golden ritual. a few times every month I would get high on oxy. oxy and weed. that's the combo. flash forward a year I'm using very regulary. it's at this time I develop my first habit without knowing it, at this time my grades begin to decline. I'm doing everything opioidwise and again become withdrawn though I've made enough friends and met enough people to not be fully hermit'd.
and when it comes to relationships... pre-drug use it was hard enough to actually connect with another human being. post-use it's damn near impossible. I lost my virginity early in high school but never felt too great about it and didn't do it again for a long time. I used to be very idealistic about life and feel like I could succeed in any area of humanity, though not in a vain way just a motivationally confident way. Now I'm only cynical. People and their emotions and attitudes greatly greatly disturb me sometimes and that gets greatly amplified after dopaminergic drug abuse.
Flash forward to now. Lost some scholarships due to lack of caring, some relationships due to apathetic forgetfulness. I've kicked the opiate habit for the time being (though I use occasionally) but find that I use more uppers (mainly amphetamine and methamphetamine) and more alcohol and benzos now. I'm about to be a 5th year senior with not much end in sight. I'm hangin on by threads but not really caring. I know the only way for me to come out of this rut is to cut all drugs, at least for a while.
I love drugs. I believe some people can take them regularly and go about things fine. I've just determined that I can't handle it. On top of drug abuse I have poor diet and exercise habits. My brain is slowin down and I'm only 22. All I'm sayin is that everyone knows on some level whether they can handle it or not. most, like me, just do it anyway. and that's fine too. I may be successful someday, but for now I'm usually too loaded to care. sorry if I got carried away at the keyboard..ah be feelin good bruddas..
