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Are we just not right for eachother?

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psychedelixxx

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 10, 2012
Messages
26
I've been dating for my boyfriend for about six months now, and since the second month we've had a VERY rocky relationship. We've broken up and gotten back together countless times. He had dated his ex girlfriend for 8 months and wasn't entirely over her at the beginning of our relationship, so that was the main problem. But eventually she was out of the picture, and we fell head over heels for eachother. His trust issues remained though, and they were bad. I was constantly being accused of things that never happened, and me being a completley loyal person who has never cheated on someone in my life, it was extremley frustrating. Still, we worked it out, he trusted me finally. We haven't had a problem in a decent amount of time, up until our last breakup. His depression came back, and he had never been depressed for any reason he knows of, it's indiginous depression. It's affecting us badly, we brokeup because he felt guilty for putting me through the pain of knowing he is constantly miserable. I love him, and i've been there for him, and yes it sucks to know he's miserable, but i believe in him overcoming it. Still, he brokeup with me because it was killing him. It got to the point where he cut himself multiple times on the thigh and showed me, that image is forever burned into my brain and i think about it everyday. On a side note, he got bacceracted for attempted suicide last year before i dated him. Now, he begged for me back and swore we'd make it work,and yesterday he texted me and told me that he finally feels okay with himself and his life and he was actually happy for once. I took the bus to his house, so fucking happy, i had been waiting to hear those words for so long, but the minute i got there it was like the trust issues came back out of nowhere. He accused me of getting a ride from some guy because the bus got there quickly. I even showed him the bus pass with the date and time on it and he still thought i was lieing. it resulted in me losing my temper, a huge fight erupting, and us coming down to the breakup again. He felt horrible because even when he was finally happy he made problems for himself and that happiness was gone within hours. I brokedown and i begged and begged for him not to leave me again, so he didn't. He said if he wasnt able to care about his happiness he'd care about mine because i've saved his life multiple times. I was pathetic and i feel so stupid now, i just love him so much and whenever i think about not waking up in his arms i become desperate and i do everything i can to save us. But as i was going through the day thinking rationally, or trying to, i realized how fucked up this entire situation is. We cant be happy for more than 4 hours. Even when there are no problems, we make them up in our heads. Are we really just not right for eachother? I've tried to stick by his side for so long now, i love him so much, more than i've ever loved anybody, but this is ruining me. before him i never wouldve gotten down to the floor crying for ANYONE. And he isnt any better, we always end up begging for eachother back. I know if we breakup again i'll regret it, and it will kill me, but time heals all wounds. i've learned that with previous loves, and he is worth it to me no matter what but it just continues to feel like he doesnt have the energy to try anymore and i just feel like i'm being selfish. I have nobody to turn to that i havent already annoyed with this, so any input would be wonderful. Thanks /:
 
Look I'm sorry if this is a little harsh but you guys really need to split up once and for all - that is, based on the information you've provided at least. You're obviously not happy. He, well, it's pretty clear he's not either. I don't think this relationship is helping anyone. Yes, of course it'll be extremely tough for you at first when you break up, but you seem to be aware that it WILL get better...so just count on that :) if you've broken up so many times in only 6 months of relationship there's obviously a gigantic problem. Take this from someone who just got dumped 2 months ago from a 2 year long relationship, who is and was depressed and tried to kill herself. It hurt like hell at first, still does sometimes but it's better already even though I thought he was all I had. You really deserve to be happier than that, and you will find someone else eventually, and in the meantime, before you do, I think you'll probably be happier without this guy. He does seriously need help though. Seeing someone does not mean he'll have to take pills...But he needs help.
Good luck!
 
Thankyou. I know there's a problem, i've known it all along, the fact that i love him so much always seems to overpower that and i just keep lieing to myself. I don't know how to convince him to get help, he's more cynical than i am and thats saying something. I wish i knew we'd breakup and he'd find a way to be okay but that's the thing that worries me the most, who knows what he'll do. Thankyou for the feedback though, much appreciated!
 
I completely understand your situation. There'd been a problem in my ex and I's relationship for months (though we'd never broken up and there wasn't any major drama, I just didn't feel happy with him) but I could never bring myself to end it because I was too scared that it'd be worse if I were alone. In the end he's the one who had the guts to do it but it didn't really change anything...some relationships just aren't meant to be. I get that you're worried about how he might react if you really end things with him. Do his parents etc. know about his issues/are they able to help him? Also, if he tried to commit suicide before you were even together it's obvious this is a deeply-rooted problem and your being with him or not probably will not change much in the long-run. By that I don't mean your relationship is insignificant (quite the contrary I'm sure), simply that he obviously has some issues that surpass it. That's my advice though: break up with him, for good. You really should be happier than this. Your feelings for him will fade eventually. And maybe just let him know that you'll be there if he needs someone to talk to and stuff, just not as his girlfriend. Judging from his situation it might help him to know that. After our breakup my ex was still open to helping me if need be, and I was in fact on the phone with him when I tried to commit suicide (you can't imagine how guilty I feel about that...bad memories) and I think realizing how utterly terrified and upset he was made me realize that I mattered. I dunno. That's a bit personal but I think it can sort of apply here: let him know you care even if you don't stay his girlfriend. (if you want to stay in touch with him that is)
 
His mom knows that he tried to commit suicide before, considering she was there when he got bacceracted. But no, she doesnt know whats going on right now. I'm pretty close with her i just dont know if that's really my place to say anything. I feel like if we end things i will in fact be there for him, even though i know i will not get over him if i continue talking to him. But i care entirely too much to ignore him if he was ever in need. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that too, but the fact that you made it through that is great to hear :) I know ineed to be happy. I also know I won't be either way, I just need to talk to him ASAP about everything i guess.
 
You shouldn't be too worried about losing him forever, as you two have already broken up and gotten back together a countless number of times. You'll have to remember and keep in mind that getting back together with him will always be an option, but first he needs to get help.

I'm not a doctor, but it sounds to me like he may be a little bit (or maybe a lot a bit) bi-polar, amongst having perhaps many other conditions as well. It's nothing at all to be ashamed of, and maybe you can reinforce that point and reassure him that "getting help" is not unusual or looked down upon. You can also reassure him that medication may not be the only solution or the only course of treatment for him.

You might want to approach him in this way: Explain to him that what "getting help" really means is "exploring one's options," and there's certainly nothing at all wrong with exploring one's options. Right?

The important thing is that you encourage him to get help, and explain to him how things are; explain to him that his relationships with friends, family and with significant others, be it with you or someone else, will never be the happy, healthy, productive relationships he hopes for until he gets help and does something truly proactive.
 
Yeah I don't really know if you should tell his mom or not, afraid I can't help there...I'd say tell her, in the long run it'll surely help even though tbh it'll probably suck more for your boyfriend at first...but I don't really know for that. You probably shouldn't listen to my advice on that specific thing :/
I'm 300% sure you can eventually be happier if you break up with him. I'm not sure you will be if you stay with him though. If you do break up, it's definitely better if you don't talk too much for you to get over him, but I guess you can sort of see how it unravels...in the first few days he might want to talk to you a lot, at first if you want to help him and stuff it'll probably be hard for you to get over him but, once again talking from experience, after a few weeks you get used to life alone again and you don't rely on your ex as much. I hope you guys'll both be okay :)

Edit: just wanted to say verso's advice sounds quite good.
 
im pretty sure we're about to breakup. icant believe im actually doing this. i feel like im gonna puke.
 
I`ve been in the same type of toxic relationship, it was her that had trust issues.
Only you can answer for yourself, but for me, moving on was the best decision I`ve ever made.
It sucks for a while but you`ll get through it. Trust me...
 
You've got some good advice.
Just wanted to add, IME, you can't have a relationship without trust. That goes for a lot of relationships, even parents. I know I can't trust my mom, bc off her bein a dick every chance she got as I grew up & still, so honestly I don't love my mom. She's still my mom but there will never be a good relationship or real love towards a parent..
If you're showin him your bus pass bc he thinks you're lyin there is obviously no trust.
 
OP: You need to walk away from this completely dysfunctional toxic relationship. Drama and turmoil do not equal love. His accusations and extreme insecurity, his threats to commit suicide, are all a means to control and manipulate you. Emotional abuse can be a precursor to physical abuse. Don't be confused by supposed "passion" as being mature love. Why would you want to remain miserable with someone with whom you can't even get along with for more than four hours at a time? Ugh. You deserve better.
 
^^ Controlling and manipulative are what was coming to my mind too. Plus, he sounds like he enjoys fucking with her head. I wish I could click "best answer" on this forum.
 
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