thanks, TPD. the week was just a clusterfuck of stuff that always sets me off. mainly, my mom's very sick, and this week she had to be in the hospital with me camped out there.
the stress wasn't so much that she was sick (of course that's part of it, but she's been this way for years. i'm fairly numb to it all). mostly i just hate hospitals and doctors. all that waiting in the room on the off-chance that a doctor will deign to visit for a second and give you an update. if you ever step out to take a piss or grab a coke you invariably miss them and have to wait another couple hours before anything happens.
also... i suppose the fact is that i have really mixed emotions about my mom. it was a Freudian perfect storm.
to be completely honest, in the middle of one night there, i did cop and snorted a tiny bump before i got it together to throw the shit away. i'm not "counting" that as a lapse since i did manage to throw it away before going nuts, and since (as i knew would happen) the dope couldn't break through my suboxone anyway. stupid.