April 15th 2009

Woke up early today from bad dream. Same sort of dream as usual. End up losing important people. Was in a jail of sorts, caged and kept away from girl I love. Jail keeper comes up to cell and sets me free. Tells me I will never be able to see her again, that she is gone forever. Not sure if died or disappeared. Would not have it that way. Rage, anxiety, and sadness floods over me. Set out to find pieces puzzle. Have them all in hands. End up constructing some sort of box, emblems and unknown language covers it. Someone tells me if I use it I have chance of dying. Do not care. Prepare to use it to go back to point in time when she was still alive. Puzzle begins playing tune similar to music box. Recognize song as Orbital's One Perfect Sunrise. Bright flash. Not afraid of dying. Then I wake up drenched in sweat with this feeling nobody should have to feel.

Had a cigarette and popped steroid pills, chased them down few large cups of egg whites. Managed to get some money together. Used again today. Needed it. Self medicate until doctors appointment this Saturday. Went to mall and ran into freind. Happy I did. Afterward headed to girlfriend's job. Was happy to see her and she was happy to see me. She is the light in the dark. Makes it all worth enduring. When I see her, end up forgetting problems for a few hours. Will be seeing her tomorrow, excited about that.

Work tomorrow. Pay day. Need to make some moves. Pieces are finally coming together.

Just another day, and one day is one day less to live...

 

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/delusions+of+grandeur

 

Sometimes one person can change everything.
These demons still haunt you and nobody can save you, but you.
That's one thing I've learnt. Happiness comes from within.
Best of luck

 

To hell with you sad mafioso. Delusions of grandeur? Fool. Think of self being as grand as grain of sand.