April 12th 2009

Work in few hours. Need to ready things for Easter sale. Got new type of respect for Manager.

Hungry. Had some pasta and meatballs. Made doctors appointment for Tuesday. Thinking cut off of Suboxone too soon. Doubt doctor will do anything. Need to find doctor that has no qualms with prescribing narcotics. Not seeking drugs. Just desire some sort of maintenance program for opiates and something for anxiety and sleep. Only matter of time before pick up dope habit again. Been thinking lately as to why I use. Reason is self medication. Lots wrong with me. Pain. Insomnia. Anxiety. Bipolar. Chronic fatigue. Over active thyroid. Opiates do trick to alleviating symptoms. Funny though, never was about getting high for hell of it. Always was a reason. Just like everything, always a reason.

Going back to sleep in a bit before getting ready for work later. Glad to be working Easter. Don't have to deal with family all day. Grandmother passed away few weeks ago, only reason I went to family events. Really no reason now to celebrate holidays.

Also skin on legs hurts. Went tanning. Used hair removal cream. Left on to long. Girlfriend thought funny.

Thinking about what I did yesterday. Was selfish. Was in bad mindset. Not sure what to make of it all though... Gauged height wrong or got lucky. Hobbled away with severe bruising, bleeding, and dislocated bones. Feel like hit by car. Still hurting like cunt. If still Guido, would go on about being Immortal Emperor. Not though. Need some sleep. Need some Tylenol. Need to change bandages on legs.

Feeling better as night goes on. Not sure why. Becoming happier deeper the night goes.

No need to worry Bluelight. Will be sticking around for while.
 
How long will you keep this up?

Will you be composing blog entries three, four, five, ten months from now?

Time will tell.

:)
 
Did you go to the doctor at all? I hope you didn't do any serious damage.

I'm definitely glad you'll be sticking around. <3
 
Ror, I did something similar (albeit on a much smaller and less self-destructive scale) a month ago. Ice the hell out of your injuries, and take as much ibuprofen as you can. Maybe get some x-rays just to be certain that there aren't bone chips floating around, but really even if there are there's not much that can be done short of surgery. And the recovery from surgery is often as long if not longer than just leaving it be.

Take care of yourself. I enjoy this writing style quite a bit, even though it's basically a 'cover' of another's style. :)
 
Will be keeping this up for as long as I can endure waking up in morning. Went to emergency room. Severe bruising. Lots of bleeding. Dislocated bones. Fucked up. Feeling better today. Almost at 100% physical shape again. Glad you enjoy writing style. Always have had a shtick of sorts.
 
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