TheUltimateFixx
Bluelighter
Gotta be with THIS demographic...
I try to explain to people it's like a safety valve. Often they immediate jump to me having a death wish ; I actuzlly very much want to live. Thing is when shit gets completely unbearable I might end up topping myself without really meaning to. Self - injury grounds me and lets some of that pressure off. But try telling a health professional you were in actual fact practising a form of damage LIMITATION when you sliced your arm to the bone and they understandably look at you like you've lost it.First post*, sorry for dragging up an oldish thread but weirdly this was what made me join so I could comment.
Pretty much same as above, been self harming for years, it never seems to go away. Most recent "event" was quite serious, being very high and drunk as hell and psychotic and yeah... not a good time in my life. Much like n3ophy7e's experience, very nearly bled out locked in the bathroom. Had to be rescued by my now ex girlfriend and police and ended up in hospital for quite a few months.
I find that people don't "get" self harm. It's not an easy thing to explain or for other people to deal with. I've put a lot of people though a lot of shit because of it.
*I swear I posted this last night, obviously didn't! So this is actually my third post.
I am glad you found sobriety surely it can only improve with more time or else that is a lot of needless suffering to return to sounds like using will tear you down quick I certainly can see myself getting there too if I let myself go here as I have beenI have pretty extensive experience with self destructing in various types of ways. Cutting, compulsive dangerous drug use, impulsive suicide attempts, punching walls, etc. I am doing a lot better these days being sober, but I can't get complacent because this is the kind of stuff that happens if I'm not careful and taking care of myself.
I still have suicidal ideation daily though. That's been my biggest struggle. I just can't stop thinking about it and wishing for it. I'm borderline jealous of people that get sick and die, just because that's what I wish I had. A way to escape this life without me stooping to the level of killing myself, which would destroy my family.
I haven't cut or tried to kill myself in about 3 months though.
.. That to me just sounds straight - forwardly like your circumstances improved and you learned to take better care of yourself, so you feel no need to engage in these behaviours now.I feel like a lot of it has to do with growing up/growing out of it. Also my life circumstances are drastically different, for the better. I have pretty much zero stressors in my life now. All the countless hours of therapy and rehab have finally fallen in to place.
I try to explain to people it's like a safety valve. Often they immediate jump to me having a death wish ; I actuzlly very much want to live. Thing is when shit gets completely unbearable I might end up topping myself without really meaning to. Self - injury grounds me and lets some of that pressure off. But try telling a health professional you were in actual fact practising a form of damage LIMITATION when you sliced your arm to the bone and they understandably look at you like you've lost it.
PS never mind 'dragging up' a thread that's not brand - new, I do this constantly when I trawl the site and find something I have thoughts on.
Happy to be the unwitting motivator for someone joining this excellent place!Thanks man. I guess I felt very strongly that I needed to comment here.
Good to have that self - awareness. Yes for some self - harmers self - harming is a 'trial run', a way of working yourself up to putting an end to yourself. For me it was always the opposite. Even when I felt like I didn't care whether I lived or died (I shouldn't theoretically have survived all those many overdoses for one) it was always really more a case of not seeing any future or any way to be rid of the pain, rather than wanting to die outright. As a matter of fact I am terrified of dying but sometimes things were so bad it seemed like the only option to stop suffering I didn't know how to deal with.I completely understand the safety valve analogy. People do tend to think it's always a suicide attempt but often, like you say, it's preventing worse things from happening, although for me it is usually part of the slippery slope towards something worse anyway.
I remember a bad cutting incident at college and the police officer that was called saying to me, 'nothing' s that bad '.I'm used to how professionals react to it all, their opinions don't bother me any more, there are plenty of ignorant doctors who should know better and treat me the same as any other patient without forcing outdated judgement about it.
Yeah. Never lose your belief in the fact that it 's doable. Just some of us take longer to get there and take more detours than others.It's good to hear of people getting through it, whether by pure hard work or a change in life circumstances. It proves that it's doable.
I believe it's due to there still being very much of a general perception of, 'this is a thing histrionic teenage girlies do exclusively for attention'It's unbelievable that so many people have the same stories about being treated in A&E - the change in treatment once they find out it's self inflicted and the lack of anaesthetic.
James McMurtry - CutterSays the vid is not available, what's the song?