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Anyone wanna join this ride with me?

Nighthowl

Nighthowl

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 11, 2014
Messages
154
Location
East Tennessee
Bipolar and been attempting to induce a manic episode for a few days now. I'm on meds, but the prozac no longer works for me. My last manic episode was February of 2012. I started meds October of that year. I've been in a Seroquel haze for about two months now. Miss the high of the mania. Well, I was able to trigger it hopefully. Still in the early hrs, but I feel amazing! Full of energy and racing thoughts. Love it. Was just looking for like minded individuals to chat with and come on this journey with me. Excited for what the weekend brings. For those curious, my trigger was caffeine pills the last few weeks and tonight I took some Sudafed. That did the trick. 4 more hrs left of work, and then I'm FREE!!!
 
Yes, they last exactly 8 days. More hypo manic than manic. Although I have been manic for months on end back in my 20's.
 
mania is fun, sure. feel like you are invincible, you know everything, your mind is extremely sharp, you have complete confidence, intuition is heightened, sleep is no longer a need, creativity is ultimate, everything has complete and utter meaning.

but i say stuff that just is not me when i am manic, i do stuff that i don't recognize, i come off as egotistical and unhinged. when i come down from the mania i feel incredible shame and guilt, looking back i don't recognise the person who did all those strange things.

i just dont feel mania is really something you want to try and induce if you are bipolar, the goal is to have a balanced mood that does not swing from extremes. sure the high is good, who doesn't want to feel high, but the low makes it not worth it. if you have not slept for more than 2 days in a row, please take an anti-psychotic/mood stabiliser which will help you fall asleep.
 
I would advise not trying to induce an episode.

Try to work on having a healthy, stable balance of positive and negative emotions in the current moment you're in. You can do it. It takes a lot of work and dedication, but it really helps.

You should try meditating; it will really help.
 
Yes it is. Was gonna stay up today, but crashed around 2pm. Woke up with dilated pupils. Bundle of energy. Now what to do. Lol
 
Mysterie said:
mania is fun, sure. feel like you are invincible, you know everything, your mind is extremely sharp, you have complete confidence, intuition is heightened, sleep is no longer a need, creativity is ultimate, everything has complete and utter meaning.

but i say stuff that just is not me when i am manic, i do stuff that i don't recognize, i come off as egotistical and unhinged. when i come down from the mania i feel incredible shame and guilt, looking back i don't recognise the person who did all those strange things.
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It is the opposite for me, manic is when I feel more like the fantastic amazing person I am, its on a down swing that makes me act differently, coming out of it feeling lost confused and disgusted/asahamed wether I'd done nothing or acted out.

I find it so interesting that everyone can take everything in such different ways, I wonder how much has to do with base line personality. Ones personality could greatly impact the positive or negative way an episode is perceived and handled. Most definitely has my mind turning. Im completely intrigued...

Though I must say that of course captain.heroin is right the goal is to find the stability in the balance of both, but it could be said by mastering this skill of inducing a state of mind which has been told to us we in fact cant control, could completely change the outlook/perception of mental health as we know it...
I will definitely be looking into this much more.
 
Had a wonderful Saturday night. Just hung out and listened to music about 14hrs straight. Took 400mg Seroquel to sleep and come down a bit. It was a very cleansing experience. Since then I've just been chilling with music and enjoying I nice plateau. Almost felt as if I was slipping into depression Sunday night, but slammed four beers, and that brought me back up. Not much of a drinker. But every once in a while I get the urge. At work now, slow night, but I still feel happy and generally just super relaxed and chill. I'll keep everyone posted.
 
I must mention there's a method to my madness. I'm going to a concert in October and want to be up and happy without having to resort to wasting money on alcohol. So this was a test run of sorts. So far it's worked splendidly. I may have stumbled onto something here. Just got a large burst of energy. Feel great! Completely sober. I'm gonna try and add some thoughts from Saturday night when I was peaking later when I have the time. I truly haven't felt that good since my hardest roll. Crazy thing is, it was pure brain chemicals doing the work. I'll keep everyone posted.
 
Pease do, Im completely fascinated at this point. Out of curiosity what do you do when you do fall, as it is inevitable, do you have a way of counteracting it some way? I apologize if I am being nosey, or pushy, i do not mean to come off as such, i am genuinely intrigued.:)
 
^After my last episode, before meds, I crashed hard and stayed that way for quite some time. Then went into a mixed state for months on end before finally starting meds. Since that point, through therapy, I've learned some coping techniques. Deep breathing and such. But always, there was music. Whether singing, or just relaxing to some tunes. It's always helped my depression. If I have it, a good Sativa helps tremendously as well. So we'll see how it goes this time...
 
Hmm... Thats very interesting, I am the same way. Well I will be here if it goes south and need to talk or just a distraction! :) am confident you will be okay though, if you can get your self UP, you can get your self even no problem ;)
 
Hanging in there. Feel a little 'off'. Don't have the words to describe the feeling. Gonna take my meds and head to bed. Peace out all...
 
MMmm.. Yup! I hear ya.. Manic Depressive here.. As a younger guy, when I was originally diagnosed, I was put on such a high dose of meds that it messed my insides up.. Had to quit taking all of them.. Started taking amino acid supplements and they seem to help a-little for taking the edges off.. I can deal better with the lows.. Can't deal so much with the Mania.. too-Way-Too Intense.. Those amino acids seem to knock it back a little tho.

It never stays the same.. Nothing lasts forever < something I tell myself on occasion when I'm just about pulling my hair out.

Anyway.. You don't know me yet. But that don't matter.. I'm here for you.. Best of Luck.
 
Its true never lasts but how long it lasts is the question for me anyway. Do you personally have a set pattern? I get really intense but I thrive on the intensity... to each there own i guess hah... and I am very curious to see how nighthowl feels after a meds and a nap, the inducing mania is very interesting to me, and what do you mean amino acids? That just sank in hahah >.<
 
^ Thanks y'all. Having a bit of insomnia, resisting the urge to take Seroquel. I hate the way it knocks me out so hard. It was fun at first, I mean who doesn't like to sleep a shit ton every once in a while.

Just got up for a bit to check on the forums. Take my mind off of things a bit. Had a trying start to the week and trying not to let it get me down. Been sober too long. Lol
 
God do I know how that goes way to well! its got to be the worst I think. Like I don't even know the words to explain the feeling. You know what I mean?
 
I know exactly what you mean. Resorting to smoking stems and shit. Sad. Really gotta get my shit together and start my plants and shroom cakes back up. Been so lethargic for so long. No ambition. I loved meds at first, but a part of me feels like I've lost something. Sure, I'm stable, but where's the spark I used to have? Frustrating.
 
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