Anyone have experience getting clean and then using occasionally?

[PhrostByte]

^7 grams a day, damn that is a lot! I know the tar in seattle is generally low quality. That is a alot of junk to being putting in your circulatory system, think of your health man. I would advise on getting yourself some micron filters.

I'm having some success with using occasionaly but I'm not going to declare victory because this will probably be a life long battle. I feel like something clicked in my brain and now evertime I do them I just seem to nod out but the euphoria is missing, it feels like the first couple of times I tried opiates and I did not find them pleasurable. At first, I didn't see what all the fuss was about with opiates and I'm starting to feel the same way again.

I agree with the nodding out but lack of euphoria experience... lately it seems I tend to get pretty high but it's not really as enjoyable as it used to be. :[

 

[.Lucid.]

^ yea thats another thing.. the euphoria of opiates is all but totally gone since ive started using again.. so its just not worth it anymore.

 

[nudemonkei]

I harbored a four-five year strong dope habit. In the past two years I've used the drug, or non-bupe opiates on about seven or eight occasions, usually a bundle or a gram over a day or two each time.

That's using bupe regularly, however. I've found that minus alcohol and tobacco it's become much easier to use all drugs in moderation, but there are many reasons for that and with some of the harder substances it's always a fine line.



~Monk

 

[dredz]

have to agree with this. You probably got "clean" for a reason. Your desire to use again probably includes you diminishing in your mind why you got clean.

Yes I have no idea what would happen now if I picked up again after 1 year off Crack. I would really be scared as to what I might do to myself or others around me. If it ended up with daily use i think that would be the least of my problems, if that makes any sense.

I am not in good shape mentally these days and so Sitting in a Notel with a big lump in a stem ready to go sounds exilerating and downright relieving but I know that as Boulder saysI ended up clean for a reason, and thankfully today I can still see those reasons.

I am also I think still able for this fight. Which is to be able to control my mind, and make my decisions. Right now it is my mind which is telling me to go and use. I want to say nope, that is the wrong fucking solution. I need to go deeper, and I need to tell my mind to shut the fuck up. So If you are clean there is a whole downside to it, most of all I think as the sex pistos said " ever get the feeling you've been conned at the end of it.

For me the days of feeling good after the experience are long gone. But Little man inside says you are not done yet. That's my addiction as of now.

 

[idonteven]

opiates are no fun until the next day, or the next week when you're having the withdrawls

 

[Khadijah]

However, Lacey, are you off the opiates? If you have not dabbled in them and then remained clean, how successful were you really? You are only 24, so it looks like we are only talking about short term success staying off opiates at best.


Yeah, I agree, opiates can safely be taken every single day of your life. That does not automatically mean he wants to be addicted again though. There are other reasons not to be addicted, like cost and stigma and energy levels. You might have legitimate reasons for needing opiates, as do I, but I question your claim that you successfully dabled without getting hooked again....I mean, here you are, a young man on a high dose of opiates still. Thats fine, but I think he is asking how easy it is to try them and NOT get back on them, and I dont know that you are a success story if that is his goal.

I am a woman, first of all. Second, I am on methadone for pain, as u should know, so why am i not successful? How does the fact that I need pain medication have anything to do with whether or not I am clean off heroin and abusing drugs? Success for me would never be to be completely off opiates, I need them to be able to function physically. thats completely unrelated to addiction or being clean.

Also, I been using opiates since i was 14. Dont assume that just becuz Im young that I aint had a chance to have a good chunk of time without use in there.

It aint fair to be considering the fact that I am on methadone as something that cancels out my success with occasional use in the time since I kicked dope, becuz it aint something related to my addiction. Its closed minded to act like that takes away from the success Ive had with occasional use. I HAVE had success "dabbling" with heroin in the time I been clean. It been 15 months since I got clean off dope and in that time i used less than 5 times total...I am on methadone for pain management, that aint never gonna change, and I absolutely, completely do NOT count that as using, becuz it aint. I dont get high, I dont abuse it, there aint nothing remotely recreational about it, i might as well be on blood pressure medication.

Anyways, here is the run down of my story and my successful recreational use after quitting. I aint used dope at all for 7 months. Im 9 months pregnant now, and I didnt know I was pregnant until a little after I was 2 months into it. I had used once during the first 2 mos of my pregnancy becuz I had no idea that I was. As soon as i found out that I was, that was a wrap and I never touched the shit again. I would never get high while I was pregnant knowingly, so please dont be judging. The time that I did use, it was the first time in months. Anyways, So as of today it been almost 8 months of not touching dope at all. before that, I used once every few months, for one day. after that day would be another few months of not using.

When i was 16 I started usin dope and it didnt take long at all for me to develop a habit and psychologically i was hooked instantly. I was totally head over heels in love and did any and every opiates i could get my hands on at all times. But after a while, me and my man decided that we couldnt keep on that path or we would end up in some shit and we knew it was just a bad idea to not get out before we got in too deep . I suffered thru the WDs with alcohol and weed and valium and did my best, and didnt use any opiates at all for over a year.

In the few years before I got back on the dope, I had about a year where I used the shit kinda on the regular but without abusing it or developin a habit or nothing like that. It was very moderate and controlled use.

When i got back into dope and abusing pills and all that, it wasnt becuz i slipped or my control slowly spiraled out like alotta folks. Some shit happened that I just gave up. I didnt want to control shit, i wanted to just forget, every single day, and thats wat I did. And i ended up addicted to the oxys and then not long after that on the dope again and I was 19 and all those years since then just rolled all together into one. From about a month after I turned 19 til September of last year I was addicted to either pills or dope (the majority of it was dope, it wasnt too long with the pills before i said fuck it, this costs too much and got with the diesel again.)

But my point is ive had my ups and downs in the past 10 years of usin opiates. There has been times when i was outta control and times that i used successfully without no issues. When i talk about havin success with it, that success really is in the past year and 3 almost 4 months that i have had since I got off heroin and kicked that habit and still had safe, recreational, occasional heroin use every so often.

The few times that I did use , it wasnt nothing like the way it used to be. no cravings no wanting to do more and keep using no none of that. it was just a nice little break, a fun night to nod off and then that was it. The next day back on the methadone and didnt think about it again until a few months later when the time, money, and situation was right.

The mental attitude towards it, is just so different i cant even put it into words. its like that junkie in my head is just completely dead. I aint gotta "control" the urges. It aint that I am controllin myself or nothing like that. There aint nothing to control. There aint no urges to fight. There aint none of that. The attitude i have towards the shit is so different it aint even like i am the same person. i dont approach the shit like a junkie no more. I aint a reformed junkie, who is just maintaining control and self discipline and willpower so that I can use. I aint gotta make rules about when i can and cant use for myself. I aint the person who HAS the need or desire to just go all out balls to the wall and go wild, but controls it and dont let it get to that point. I honestly aint even got those thoughts in my mind. Its hard to explain, but the reason that I feel like i been 100% successful with the occasional use that i had since i got clean is exactly becuz of that.

it aint that i learned to control my use successfully....its that i changed so much about myself, my mind, everything, that the addictive behavior and thinking aint even a part of me no more and dont need to be controlled cuz it aint there.



I honestly really aint sure exactly wat you are tryna say about me or why you dont think the success that I am talkin about is valid. But , its aight--I know , in my heart, that it absolutely is, so i aint stressing others judgements.


By the way , if you want to talk about successful occasional use in people who aint on methadone, Ill tell you about my boyfriend. He was right by my side in these past years of heroin addiction and we both went off the deep end. He got on methadone in a clinic and detoxed after a little under 3 months. Everytime I used in this past year or watever, he did too. each time i got high we did it together. The difference being that i am on methadone and he aint. so if me bein on methadone even tho its pain management and not MMT, somehow makes u think that my success aint valid you only need to look at him , who has done the same occasional use as me, without the slightest bit of trouble and had plenty success, without being on the done.

It defiantely can be done, no question about that. but you need to have the right mentality mindset and you need to have all your bullshit worked thru before you able to do it otherwise u fall back into the same patterns. Once u change yourself and the way u think and live, you can still have some fun occasionally, but you gotta be mentally prepared for it--if you are just the same old addict in the same body but just not using your DOC , that occasional use is gonna end up alot more than occasional. But if you truly changed who you are and that junkie inside you is genuinely dead, then I dont think its far fetched at all to say that its completely and totally possible to dip in from time to time, have a nod for a night, and then get back on track the next day. my personal experience and the experience of my man , is proof enough for me.

 

[cire113]

Lacey I'll pray for u.. Will you do the same for me?

 

[pillzcrusher]

I have been clean ov addiction & my last Withdrawal was in late Feb, since then I can probably count maybe 20 occasional hits since, up until 6 wks ago when I had an epiphany & completely stopped it all.
With my personality, it is all or nothing, the whole point ov enjoying H was to be on it 24/7 or be dopesick & then get that instant rush to awesomeness. The past few months ov strictly 1 single hit every fortnight made me realise why the hell am I even tempting myself, this high isn't that good anymore, just itchy overheating sickness, coz I'm not even dope sick.
Oh & I quit cold turkey, I never relied on dome or bupe, I always imagined those chemicals as extremely unsanitary for some reason.

 

[motiv311]

I quit heroin after years... and meth after months/relapse/months/relapse. . . .

I was on suboxone for almost two years. and i've been on adderall since I was a kid.

Now I do use drugs, but as I get older, its less interesting than when I was young and it was exciting.

So ya, I think I cleaned up pretty slowly, and now I keep it light and moving.

 

[villian]

UA'd post - we aren't here to pass judgement

If you are on methadone and you get pregnant it can harm the baby to come off the drug. Although a baby going through NAS is not ideal it is better then the possible complications of ceasing the methadone. This is a decision for the mother and her doctors to make.

I suggest you read up on the subject matter before commenting.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

I've been using occasionally the past three weeks and it doesn't work. Everytime you use your opening up the door to the beast... cravings get horrible and you keep saying "this is the last time' but then finding yourself with a needle in your arm... if your clean now say good bye to heroin and move on with your life, there's nothing good to come of occasional use.

 

[cblkdog]

I hate to say it but after 30 some years as a junkie, there's no such thing as a part time junkie If you want to stay clean, you have to go all the way. I've learned that the hard way, good luck.

 

[LittlebyLittle]

it's called relapsing. i do it all the time.

 

[PhrostByte]

How was I passing judgment??! I was just stating a fact.. her child IS going to be born addicted to methadone... how can anyone deny that?

 

[Sentience]

Lacey, its not my intention to judge you. I am not putting you down or saying you are a bad person for needing drugs....and I do believe you NEED these drugs, like I do.

I am not going to read that entire post, but I know you put your heart into it.

Please understand, just because you cannot be a success story of somebody who dabled in opiates and got clean, that does not make you a bad person or a failure in life.

You are an example of somebody who dabled in opiates, and now has a very legitimate reason to be on them the rest of your life because you need them....However, you are NOT an example of somebody who dabled in opiates and then successfully got off of them.....Maybe with heroin, but you are still on opiates.

Dabbling in heroin then getting off heroin with methadone is NOT really a success story from the perspective of somebody who actually got clean from all opiates.



Please dont imagine that I am saying this makes you a bad person, or that I am accusing you of not needing the opiates, ect......if this person doesnt NEED opiates for chronic pain, and you do NEED them for chronic pain, your situation where your "success" is to get off heroin and replace it with methadone might not really be the same for this guy who doesnt need them for pain and is actually clean of ALL opiates....its not the same thing, and you are not a model that is appropriate for him. I am not saying you are a bad person because of it.



A Methadone addiction/dependency is not something to strive for in life. If you are already clean, a lifelong Methadone habit is nothing to aspire to.....its like liquid handcuffs. If there was a disater and you didnt get your drugs, life could get real fucked up because you are not whole without the drug.....Methadone also isnt totally benign. It may be significantly more toxic than morphine which is relatively non-toxic. It certainly has more reports of cardio-toxicity. Of course on the flip side, you can be more functional on it.



You are not a bad person for needing opiates, but nor are you a "success story" from the perspective of a non chronic pain patient who is currently free from all opiates asking for examples of people who dabbled in opiates and got clean....Methadone isnt really clean. Its just a more manageable addiction.

 

[Sentience]

Also, while its theoretically true that people can try opiates and then not use them again and again, I dont think its healthy encouraging advice for somebody who recently got clean. I think you are giving people bad suggestions.

Methadone is not a great thing for everyone to be on. Its not some magic cure for heroin addiction. You cant just assume that everything will be ok for everyone if they get addicted, because there is always Methadone.....Methadone isnt healthy for you. You would be healthier without a methadone dependence, and freer. Your life wont have to revolve around access to the drug.

Of course, some people need opiates for pain, and thats fine.....I might have killed myself to escape the physical pain I was going through if I didnt have opiates....but I really dont want to be on them for life.

 

[DexysMidnightRuner]

imo if your not getting high off the drug, then it doesnt count for shit. if you get off dope via bupe or methadone and as long as your not abusing it, then good for you. its about getting your life back.

any way, its good to hear some people can. i guess ill give a synopsis of my story before i go into my worry. i was addicted to amps for the last 4 months of my senior year, while my boyfriend and all my friends were heroin addicts. we got caught by our parents through stupidity and carelessness, did the whole w/d shindig and thought we could go back to just smoking weed. well that worked for maybe 37 days for me and then i broke down and did some amps. but my boyfriend did it with me and like he watched how much i did etc. so we kinda went on like that, weed, amps occasionally, molly. things were goin fine and then things started to get out of hand. started doing dope occasionally and then ketamine etc. around our one year anniversary we got into IV usage. we were fine with that but our abuse got more and more out of hand, then by the summer we were doing dope everyday for a month - thinking we could sell it..ha - and abusing cid and ket and coke. pretty much anything you could shoot we did. then we really got into coke and crack. started goin to the hood 4-5 times a day, i really started to loose my mind etc.

decided enough was enough by the end of this summer and sent our selves to rehab. been clean for 91 days today. we moved outta jersey and came to chicago where my aunt lives to avoid drugs. now my worry is that were moving out to san francisco by early feb, get a job start functioning..im worried that things will start to get out of hand again. i mean we never plan on getting back into the needle, but there are other ways. and there is meth out there. im glad to see some people can handle occasional use. i can understand that because i really have no huge urge to do amps anymore, just occasionally is nice..plus i cant get that original high back so whats the point. i just hope we can handle it this time around. there are many things out in san fran and its not hard to get. i guess what im saying is that hearing some people can handle using sometimes is helpful and makes my future a little brighter. its just that im young in life and recovery, and i know i have a long way to go. i just hope i dont fuck up and go back..but you guys help me a little. gives me hope that i can manage.

 

[DexysMidnightRuner]

sorry repost so i deleted it.

 

[Sentience]

If somebody is clean, not dependent, then they dabble in heroin then are forced to use Methadone for life.....that sucks. I dont care if you get high or not, its making you dependent in a way that you were previously not dependent. Its a big step down from not being dependent, getting high or not. Your life has to revolve around access to the drug....What if you travel? What if you lose your pills in a foreign country? Just cancel your trip, ruining it for everyone, hurry back home to get your drugs? Its a ball and chain. Its not a magic wand that is equal to being sober, regardless of whether its a step up from heroin.

Sure, its better than being strung out on H, but its not better than being off opiates in general.

If you are using methadone, then you are NOT an example of somebody dabbling in opiates then getting off them.

 

[PhrostByte]

Yea I agree with Sentience.. how can people that take methadone and suboxone consider themselves to be clean? I mean sure you're getting your doses daily from a doctor and your life is more manageable but how is that clean? If heroin was available as a maintenance drug and you got it every day from a doctor would you consider yourself clean then as well? You're still taking opiates... methadone and suboxone are REALLY strong.. maybe not compared to full agonists like heroin but to diminish the potency of methadone or suboxone is really just fooling yourself.. most people get sick after taking suboxone recreationally for the first time. It's very strong. I don't care if you take it for "pain", you're still taking drugs and I don't consider that clean. If you're going to fail a drug test, you're not clean in my book.

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