I'm happy most of the time. I also cry a lot--like at least once a day. I've always been emotional and I would not have it any other way. Every emotion has its benefit--even the ones we tend not to want to feel. I suffered the worst tragedy I could imagine in my life and what I am finding is that 4 years into it I am still rebuilding every relationship I ever had--with myself, with my family and friends, with everything I cared about and associated with my sense of who I was, with the world as a whole. And yet, I am somewhat stunned to find out that in the midst of all that was destroyed, I am still capable of such intense joy and pleasure simply to still be here in the fray, to have the world surprise me in both terrible and wonderful ways every day. I have a more comfortable and accepting relationship to grief and even with depression. I guess it is the fluidity that saves me.
I'm 61. I'm well along the second half of the path and it makes me slow down and appreciate more than ever. I've never had a problem appreciating this world. I love people--especially people that show their craziness and vulnerability and complexity and I love nature. I have been a landscape painter for the past 40 years so seeing beauty everywhere I go comes with the territory. I travel a lot and more than anything else I have done with my life I value this the most. It doesn't take a lot of $$ to travel and I've had plenty of really boring menial jobs along the way to finance it; but when you have the goal of the trip in front of you no job can feel too awful. That would be my prescription for any young person: go out into the world. Go by yourself. Open your heart and mind to everyone you meet. Find compassion for everyone by trying to see the world through other eyes. Go as far away from home as you can and stay as long as you can manage. Let one country lead you to the next. Fear has been so ratcheted up in the world that the most revolutionary thing you can do is to trust the world.
The bottom line is that this beautiful dream called life can end at any moment. Just try to love it while you have it.