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Anyone go back to playing with fire after being burned?

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Dawglaw

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 28, 2012
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952
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The moon
Hey BL. I have just come out of a nasty 6 month derealization/anxiety spell brought on by a irresponsible weekend of redosing and not testing my crap. Needless to say, this experience sucked. I have spent a considerable amount of time on BL researching about MDMA and all of the aspects of harm reduction.

I have really learned to respect both my brain and the substance. Part of me misses the "good" MDMA experience but part of me never wants to go through this again. In the past month I have been able to drink, smoke a little weed and have done blow a couple of times without any anxiety problems. I was unable to drink caffeine for about 5 months, but now I am back to 2-3 cups a day with no problems. Prior to the bad comedown, I had done ecstasy about 5 times over a period of 8 years with no problems besides a 1-2 day depression period after each use. I do not have any history of mental health problems nor does any of my immediate family.

I am asking for anecdotal experience and candid opinions of whether I should hang up my MDMA hat for good or I can try again via following all the HR rules. Thanks guys.
 
This is an interesting one. Part of me says 'you've recovered and learnt how to do it safely now, you should be fine to start responsible MDMA-use' then again i'm thinking 'taking MDMA again could trigger it all off again.' I had a really bad weed experience once - anxiety, paranoia, racing heart etc etc. Now often when I smoke, it triggers that again until i'm coming down. While it may not be the same for you and MDMA, I think in terms of HR it would be safer to avoid MDMA entirely. But I respect that it can't be an easy decision to make. Only you know where your current mental state is and whether your ready for MDMA again.

I'd be interested to see what the likes of Futura and others who have experienced long-term comedowns have to say.
 
can you do MDMA again...yes

Will it cause you simptoms to come back? maybe.

If you want to try it again, do it in a environment that is as controled as possible. at home, with friends. light dose. no other drugs at all. maybe some benzos on hand if shit hits the fan.

the only thing you can do is give it a shot to tell if it is going to cause you issues to resurfface.
 
If I decide to do it, it will be in February, a good 9 months after the initial problem. I wont go over 150mg, no redose and I will definitely test it.

The more I reflect about what happened, the more I think it is similar to a weed panic attack. It wasn't the MDMA (or whatever I ingested) that caused the problem, rather it was my psychological reaction after pushing my brain/body way way too hard over a weekend and my subsequent fear of brain damage, etc.

I will continue to monitor my psychological health and I will report back here for HR sake on my decision and experience (if I end up doing it at all).
 
I also had anxiety problems after abuse of mdma. in the 2009-2010 rave season, i would double drop and redose once or even twice, every weekend for 4 months straight. eventually the experiences became weird and just a little 'off', which i could generally deal with by smoking bud/xanax/etc... what really made me miserable were the random anxiety attacks that i would get mid-week, well after the mdma was out of my system. i had clearly messed up my brains ability to regulate serotonin, which inevitably will cause depression/anxiety in almost anybody. i waited 6 months to do any mdxx compounds, until the attacks went away(after celexa and buspar did more harm than good). then i told myself that ill only do it once every 2 months or so, and never redose more than once per night. it worked like a charm and now i have no anxiety attacks and i thoroughly enjoy every mdma experience i have now. make sure to test your pills and only eat clean mdma/mda pills and powder, since certain adulterants can exacerbate these negative side-effects. also, TAKE BREAKS INBETWEEN ROLLS. this is even more important than redosing too many times in a night. our brains need time to heal after we artificially release our serotonin reserves with a chemical. mdma causes damage, albeit reversible damage, so we need to let our brain get better during the break. from a logical and clinical standpoint, you should just stop ingesting mdma, but if thats not an option for you, follow the rules and you can get back to normal. i did :)
 
Dawglaw said:
If

The more I reflect about what happened, the more I think it is similar to a weed panic attack. It wasn't the MDMA (or whatever I ingested) that caused the problem, rather it was my psychological reaction after pushing my brain/body way way too hard over a weekend and my subsequent fear of brain damage, etc.
Click to expand...

Over analysing your mental state is one of the worst things to do. Thinking your that you are losing it mentally adds to the initial though that you are losing it mentally and so the cycle begins..............

Or some folk just are not cut out at taking mdma and smoking weed. If you genuinely think that what you did caused all those problems then id say you'd be ill advised to do it again. On the other hand if you think the over analysing of your mental state due to reading the continual scare-mongering posts on bluelight you may be ok.

At the end of the day its your brain and body. No one else knows it like you do.
 
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