Anyone else know how hard it is to interact with other people honestly while sober

[namnoc16]

I know most all addicts can relate but even after going years with being abstinent if not sober(theres a difference) I can't relate to other people and it further isolates me. I mean I feel disconnected from even my children and know I'm gonna regret the wasted time but I can't even fake it till I make it. I feel like there is no joy or pleasure in my life. There is no reason for me to feel this way I have a loving family but most time I go on a numbness autopilot and hate myself for feeling nothing.Unless I take massive doses of opiates (short lived) I feel no joy, enthusiasim, no energy and am content to watch life pass me by. Why can't I just get that jolt to wake the fuck up!

 

[Bearlove]

Moved from Homeless - To be honest, I was unsure what section this would best fit. Mods please feel free to move.

 

[manboychef]

You will get there. It is going to take some serious introspection to find your will again. I mean it took me a few attempts to be able to be open an honest. It took me a while to get the strength to move....

think about it this way. What happens to an immovable object when it meets an irresistible force? I dunno...I have never met an obstacle I couldn't tackle by myself, or with help.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

It does take time.

You're going to have to force yourself to become more used to socializing with people while sober.

Since you have children and you know that you should be spending more time with them, and it's the holidays why not do this?

 

[namnoc16]

It does take time.

You're going to have to force yourself to become more used to socializing with people while sober.

Since you have children and you know that you should be spending more time with them, and it's the holidays why not do this?

Well I have been spending time with them but I feel like I'm just going through the motions,you know fake it till you make it. I hate myself for it being so hard to want to participate in peoples lives especially ones that it should be natural to want to be a part of. I do love my children but I sometime feel something in me is missing to keep me from connecting to others!
Side note I just gave up my crutch of mj because of an opiate relapse recently and I think I'm gonna jump off my 40mg oxys also,but I might see a pro first because I don't want to fuck up my mental well being worse.

 

[manboychef]

Yeah I would go to a trusted GP and talk about these things....by trusted I mean that it won't end up in your charts as another red flag.

Listen I am going to give you the advice my dad gave me. I hated my ex with a passion and she wore me out, so time with my son was really my sleeping time....he told me "ManBoyChef you need to make the time with your son the good part of your day. It doesn't happen overnight, and it won't always be the most pleasing, but you need to make it the good part of your day."

I have been estranged from my son for awhile. He is six. Our phone messages are a bit cryptic, considering I read to much into everything. However, I look forward to that moment when I hear his little voice over the phone...no matter what he says. Things I have heard from him "do I gotta say anything else to him (said to his mother)", "is one minute over (also said to his mother)", calling me by my real name and not dad when there was another man present...especially painful. This and a host of other things....but goddamn I love my son and even if I don't hear what I want to hear, I am going to at least enjoy what I can hear because he is a part of me....and I will always be his dad no matter what.

The fact that you are on here asking for advice is an amazing sign that within you is not a father, but truly a dad.

 

[Moreaux]

I've found it really difficult to reintegrate into regular society after getting sober as well. I Realized a lot of it was anxiety, and also that I no longer physically feel pleasure like nonaddicts, which combined with my natural awkwardness, has made this process very trying at times. Like you, I love my family. I want to spend as much time with them as I can, but when we do spend time together I feel both anxiety and boredom if we are not actively doing something that engages my brain (ie playing games, walking, etc). I have to remind myself to stop and enjoy the moment, as best I can. I have realized that now that I am sober regular life doesn't seem to light up the pleasure areas in my brain like using did, so I exist in a constant state of ennui (boredom). I have found I have to be particularly mindful during "pleasurable" times to really enjoy them, and also acknowledge that more often than not, I'm not going to experience the level of pleasure I did when I used, at least not for many years as my neuropathways continue to heal. I have found that it has gotten better the longer I have remained sober, but I still get sad and frustrated at times. What makes me hopeful is that I can finally genuinely laugh hard again, which I wasn't able to when I was early in sobriety, and thought that life would be humorless in sobriety. As long as I can laugh at life sometimes, there is hope yet lol. I wish you the best!

 

[What was it?]

I found that whenever i was on opiates or within the first 2 weeks of withdrawal my judgement was clouded. The extent of that cloudedness only becomes completely apparent after a month or so off. It's especially bad with Oxy for me as it makes me an emotional wreck. Try to get 1 month off the Oxy and things will look up. But you really have to want it and take the initiative. Try associating opiates with pain and the numbness of using opiates with a semi-death state. That's what it is. Nothing special about them, especiaqlly not after losing years of joyful life to them. Also, if you have the same experience again in your next sobriety I would advocate lots of therapy, self-help books and introspection. You need to find out what you really want from your life and then set out to do it. that's another reason so many of us stay in the opiate-cycle. We are just not pleased with our lives.

 

[manboychef]

you are in deleware? are you in wilmington....bellevue park is a sweet spot to take the kids fishing and get a little outdoor activity.

been to peapatch island? Take the kids man, pack up the wifey make a day of it. It isn't presents man, its pressence. Being there was something I always wanted from my dad and he wasn't and it lead to me following in his footsteps.

 

[namnoc16]

Bout 30 minutes south of Wilmington but only 15-20 minutes from De City where the ferry runs. Did the haunted ghost tour at fort DE it was awesome but you are right need to do and not want to do MBC.
Also" what was it" I'm not off oxy I take 40mgs a day for pain management but I think I'm ready to stop. I don't get high from them wife locks them up. My slip was on some fent I thought was H.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I think if you are legitimately not feeling well, that it's all right to share this and talk about it with loved ones. I don't feign positive emotions, mostly because I detest being disingenuous.

Never forget to show your kids love though, because they need that, even if you don't feel it right now. Hang in there, you're doing great.

 

[herbavore]

I know most all addicts can relate but even after going years with being abstinent if not sober(theres a difference) I can't relate to other people and it further isolates me. I mean I feel disconnected from even my children and know I'm gonna regret the wasted time but I can't even fake it till I make it. I feel like there is no joy or pleasure in my life. There is no reason for me to feel this way I have a loving family but most time I go on a numbness autopilot and hate myself for feeling nothing.Unless I take massive doses of opiates (short lived) I feel no joy, enthusiasim, no energy and am content to watch life pass me by. Why can't I just get that jolt to wake the fuck up!

The reality is that this is not just you that feels this way. We live in a time where all of us are trying to establish an authentic connection to life while stumbling through a hall of mirrors. Mass media, social media and their loyal staff that have taken up residence in our own heads make this basic human need (the need for authentic emotional existence) so obscured that we don't even understand where our discomfort and pain is coming from. It comes from having an imagined life that is out of reach while our real lives go unappreciated, untended and even wholly disconnected from us. I keep hearing Timothy Leary's voice of 50 years ago in my head: "tune in, turn off and turn on". Tune in to your self--the one you have not even been aware of perhaps since you were a child fully engaged with both your inner and outer life. Turn OFF the television, the marketers, the hidden messages in everything from the adverts lying around in your doctor's waiting room to pop culture songs to porn to the constructed productions of people on their facebook "walls". Turn on referred to taking psychedelics when he said it but I don't think you need them. They open a door that can be opened other ways. The door is not really that mystical. It is simply the portal to an awareness of your existence in something far larger and more vast than we usually pay attention to. This is a peace that you can carry with you that can affect all of your experiences on the day-to-day plane of living.

My advice is to not accept this level of disconnection lying down. Stand up to it. Go deep inside through whatever means feels the most natural and beneficial to YOU--could be meditation, therapy, spiritual exploration, a walk-about, periods of silent retreat, even just a daily intention to pay attention to your mind, body and spirit as a whole. Pay attention to what grabs your attention and question that. You have as a birthright this miraculously unique way to experience life. The culture we have built is intent on making us all want the same things and to buy that from the same big store. That's the BS we've internalized. That's what is making us all sick. Don't drink the kool-aid!

 

[Colourblind]

Hey. Sometimes i find talking honestly isn't really a positive activity especially when drugs are concerned. Recently i've found great success connecting with people by being honest but rather than talking about specifics talk about concepts instead. I think we're all the same deep down and if you wanted to talk to someone about opiates for example just talk about the concept of taking something that most can relate to, drinking alcohol for example. Almost everyone can relate to this and you can talk to them without the stigma of being a "drug user." Or whatever. You still take something away from the experience and save face. Is it lying? meh. Maybe - but it's white and better than isolating yourself and feeling like no one gets you. Keep at it and keep smiling. Also focus on your health, i know it's cliche but you will feel better for it. It's not going to be any rush but you may find yourself enjoying the subtleties of life a little more.

 

[belfort]

I know most all addicts can relate but even after going years with being abstinent if not sober(theres a difference) I can't relate to other people and it further isolates me. I mean I feel disconnected from even my children and know I'm gonna regret the wasted time but I can't even fake it till I make it. I feel like there is no joy or pleasure in my life. There is no reason for me to feel this way I have a loving family but most time I go on a numbness autopilot and hate myself for feeling nothing.Unless I take massive doses of opiates (short lived) I feel no joy, enthusiasim, no energy and am content to watch life pass me by. Why can't I just get that jolt to wake the fuck up!

I have to be 100% honest but this is a problem I haven't found a solution to..it's hard interacting with others sober and I find myself just forcing it and pretending to enjoy things when I'm not..I had very little joy or enthusiasm..exercise helped a little bit but still felt like a zombie even after 16 months clean off everything, even caffeine!i wasted a ton of time in this zombie state..

 

[namnoc16]

Yeah it's rough!I stopped taking my pain meds a week ago but still I'm smoking my weed and even had a few drinks last night. I figure if mj can help me feel relatively normal Im going to continue using it. It's probably not the wisest solution but I don't have a better one. I know opiates aren't the solution because at least on mj I can still manage a relatively normal life but I couldn't do that on opiates when I was single so I know I couldn't manage with 2 kids and a wife!

 

[Moreaux]

Yeah it's rough!I stopped taking my pain meds a week ago but still I'm smoking my weed and even had a few drinks last night. I figure if mj can help me feel relatively normal Im going to continue using it. It's probably not the wisest solution but I don't have a better one. I know opiates aren't the solution because at least on mj I can still manage a relatively normal life but I couldn't do that on opiates when I was single so I know I couldn't manage with 2 kids and a wife!

I think mj is a great tool in early sobriety to help with the initial withdrawal. I used it occasionally going through benzo withdrawal and it really helped. Be careful you don't replace the opiates with booze - I've had friends do that and they end up no better off. Good luck!

 

[namnoc16]

I think mj is a great tool in early sobriety to help with the initial withdrawal. I used it occasionally going through benzo withdrawal and it really helped. Be careful you don't replace the opiates with booze - I've had friends do that and they end up no better off. Good luck!

I'm not having any problems with opiate wds and I'm not sure why but I have a theory. I was on a relatively low dose of oxy(40mg a day) but it was for 5 years and when I stopped I had very minor wds,none now and it's been a week. Now mind you I used to be a horrible heroin addict and was on methadone maintenance for 9 years and both of those drugs my wds were a nightmare. Anyway I'm thinking because I didn't abuse my oxys and only took for pain I didn't associate them with euphoria and getting high and I believe it made it easier to put down. I could be wrong but I won't question a good thing.
I haven't been drinking to mitigate wds(since I had little wds) but I have made my own wines and liquor for years and unlike my teen years I can take it or leave it.Thank you benzogirl for the care and concern I appreciate it and to all of you who have posted on here. I love this site and the compassionate people I've chatted with!

 

[DrinksWithEvil]

I have been in rehab or jail most of my adult life. I'm 28. And what your talking about is post acute withdrawal syndrome (prolly mentioned before) and is what causes most addicts to relapse. EsPecially me. The generally feeling of apathy and boredome can be very trying and tiresome. I constantly battle with having normal conversations with people because I find it boring and hard to focus on and generally make an excuse and walk away. Life is really bland in early recovery and requires time and patience to eventually feel some sense of normalcy sometime in the future. I'm 30 days sober today (again) and I know I'm nowhere close to being able to enjoy life like how I would like to