Oh god here we go AGAIN! I asked for no judgement n I asked for like minded people. I know the general consensis re bup but as I have been on it for 7 months there is no point saying that to me. As I have already stated that no one knows my story. I did not just take a few extra pills. I tried cr/ taper many time was suicidal etc n I have a small child to attend to.
I am not suggesting that others with codeine addictions take the route I have (though a lot have, know this from a codeine support site n it helped them). Besides why should people on heroin/oxy only have the ight to alternative script. People with codrine/DHC/hydrocodone struggle too but we 're made to feel like complete wimps n I find it EXTREMELY offensive as I went through hell due to my addiction. Financially I went from £4,600 saving to £,000 in debt, I almost lost my family, my mental health has suffered, almost thrown off my masters.
I did not decide on a whim to go on suboxone it was carefully thought out n 8mg was not enough for me so I'm on 12 mg. i'm so annoyed with the general consensus that if you're a heroin/oxy addict your suffering n it's terribly hard addiction but rember codeine addicts only know codeine n it is extremely addictive n strong if you've not had anything else. People who have taken stronger drugs n come up with stuff like "you shouldn't be on bupe/suboxone if you've only got a codeine addiction."
Yes I get all that about different strengths but addiction is mostly psychologically n having the suboxone helps while we work through our issues similar to H/oxy addict has to do. We do not become "addicted" to suboxone, our bodies become dependent on it - so when it's time to go through the withdrawals ( and yes I'm aware they are difficult) I will not be longing for the sub like I did codeine as the *relationship* is not there, if that makes sense - same time the memory is codeine is going more distant.
That's my explanation although I do not see why I should HAVE to keep defending/ explaining/ justifying myself to people. People on H/oxy etc do not have to explain why they choose a particular path of recover so neither should we.
Evey xxxx
Eve, I say this in the gentlest voice that I possibly can and with much caring and understanding..but you seriously have a history here of getting your feelings hurt...alot, and very easily. You and I have talked before soon after you joined and I dont think that I have ever offended you so know that I say this with genuine compassion.
Addiction is addiction. I think that often (as demonstrated in above posts) you take it that someone is judging you but actually they are just making a statement. That is allowed here. You have to understand that if you put your story out there on a public forum that there are going to be people that state their opinions even if you do not agree with it...and most of them are not doing it to be unkind. Yes, there were some people in the past who couldnt beleive that you were on subs (bupe) for "only" a codeine addiction/dependence, so what do they know..everyones life experience is different..take it for what it is and keep going. But most of what has been said is totally based in fact (though there has been a lot of opinion too). For you, coming off a codeine addiction is very, very difficult and life altering..that is understandable. For some who once had a codeine addiction or other RX addiction who then went from there to a heroin addiction, they found that for them, coming off of heroin was a whole different ballgame...they forget that reality is all in perception. In other words, if you have once been addicted to both codeine at one time and then heroin at another then the heroin addiction will seem much harder. But when they were addicted to codeine having never tried heroin, that codeine addiction at the time was probably the most difficult thing they had ever dealt with. Again, reality is in ones perception, so if coming off of codeine for you is pure hell then it is for you, well, pure hell..you cannot compare it to others.
That being said, please do not be disillusioned about bupe/subs. You absolutely can become addicted, not just physically dependent on it. I have seen time and time again threads here where people have stated that they enjoy buprenorphine more than they do anything else and are addicted to it in every sense of the word. Not that this will necessarily happen to you. It is a narcotic plain and simple. If it is working for you in your life then awesome. Everyone has a choice and does what is best for them and that is very personal and no one has a right to judge (though they will still state their opinions). I think where most people have expressed concern is not necessarily so much because you are on bupe for a codeine addiction (though some have) but more so (like in my case) that 12mg just seems awful high, for any addiction. But like I said, hey, if it is working for you then so be it, good on you. Just know that physically, you are just trading one for another. But if psychologically it is going to work for you then that is good. For many, many people who speak with experience, that is not the way in ends up happening after a long run with bupe.
Do you plan on staying on a maintenance dose for a long period of time or is it in the plan to taper down slowly in time at some point? I think (opinion, not judgement) that if you plan on staying on maintenance indefinitely then if 12 mgs is what is working for you then that is great. I think a lot of concern also comes from those that have that experience about how difficult it will be to taper from that amount.
Please dont always feel as though it is "us against them" whether it is you against "the Americans" (as you saw here, it was not only the americans but also "your own people" who made the exact same comments..that they felt subs was over the top for a codeine addiction) or "us codeine addicts against the heroin/oxy addicts". We all are in the same boat here as an addict, addiction is addiction no matter how you slice it. We all deal with pretty much the same issues. I am sure for all of us addicts, it is our own personal hell here on earth. Dont worry so much what others say, it is a forum. Most of us care about everyone here and have empathy. Be a little tougher to what is said...dont be so hurt so very easily. Dont feel like you have to explain yourself or defend your actions or words...you dont. We do care.
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