EveryStar
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 23, 2007
- Messages
- 922
Now, I used to have a heroin addiction for quite some time, after a couple of years I eventually went on MTT (100mg daily), and in 2010 ended up doing a detox cold turkey (along with a taper over the course of two weeks from the benzos I had been scripted for nearly a year, clonazepam 2mg and temazepam 30mg daily). Then I went to a rehab for about a year (a "therapeutic community" as they call it, no 12-step crap or nothing as I had already done in the past countless times, that 28-day crap doesn't do a damn thing).
After getting out last summer (around August 2011), I decided to finally get my life back on track, started going to school again and such...but I still like to get high once in a while...like doing a gram of dope over 4-5 and then stop for a month or so...haven't gotten hooked again (but lately I started with the benzos again and it's been giving me a little trouble along with alcohol...but it's getting better now), surprisingly I've managed to chip for the past 8-9 months or so without any problems.
Now, to get to the point: back in the days when I would shoot some dope, I would just nod the fuck out and just basically kinda not want to talk or do anything at all but lay there...these days when I do it, especially since it's only once a month or so, a 10 dollar bag just puts me into hardcore nod-mode for a few hours and I'm high basically the entire day (like a couple days ago I shot up at 9am, and at 9pm I was still itching all over and such...), except I feel really lovey-dovey, almost like MDMA (but without the ridiculously intense MDMA euphoria, obviously), I just want to talk to people and tell them my feelings and have really long, deep heart-to-heart talks with my friends and with love interests of mine... I'll simultaneously feel like I'm full of energy, really social and in a great mood, but completely relaxed at the same time; only if I lay down or get in a really comfortable position do I start nodding the fuck out (unless it's a really high/borderline OD dose, then I just nod the fuck out and/or pass out for an hour or two...kind of scary at times).
Does this happen to anyone else? I have plenty of experience with heroin, and every other drug under the sun, snorted, smoked, IVed, but it's only these days, after over a year's abstinence (and also in a different country...back in the States it was either number 4 beige/tan/white powder or tar, here in Portugal it's brown powdery/chunky number 3 dope, the kind you need citric acid to dissolve), that I feel this way.
Don't get me wrong, it feels great, and people don't notice anything (only other junkies who know the signs...itching, constricted pupils and whatnot), they just think I'm in a great mood, as opposed to when I take benzos or drink, it feels like it's never enough and doesn't hit the spot just right like dope does...yet everybody else notices I'm completely fucked up except me, and end up taking more.
It's like the perfect drug, and feels less addictive to me than before (then again that probably has to do with the brainwashing I went through after a year in treatment, I'm more conscious of my limits and up to which point I can go without falling off the deep end), even though I know it really isn't...
Anyways, sorry about the long post, I actually just shot up (maybe a little less than 0.2, and smoked maybe 50-75mg beforehand as well...the dope here isn't very pure but it's ridiculously cheap...) about an hour ago and feeling real chatty and chill and itchy all over.
Take care of yourselves, people. %)
(I really am in a position to say that myself, huh...goddamn hypocrite that I am)
After getting out last summer (around August 2011), I decided to finally get my life back on track, started going to school again and such...but I still like to get high once in a while...like doing a gram of dope over 4-5 and then stop for a month or so...haven't gotten hooked again (but lately I started with the benzos again and it's been giving me a little trouble along with alcohol...but it's getting better now), surprisingly I've managed to chip for the past 8-9 months or so without any problems.
Now, to get to the point: back in the days when I would shoot some dope, I would just nod the fuck out and just basically kinda not want to talk or do anything at all but lay there...these days when I do it, especially since it's only once a month or so, a 10 dollar bag just puts me into hardcore nod-mode for a few hours and I'm high basically the entire day (like a couple days ago I shot up at 9am, and at 9pm I was still itching all over and such...), except I feel really lovey-dovey, almost like MDMA (but without the ridiculously intense MDMA euphoria, obviously), I just want to talk to people and tell them my feelings and have really long, deep heart-to-heart talks with my friends and with love interests of mine... I'll simultaneously feel like I'm full of energy, really social and in a great mood, but completely relaxed at the same time; only if I lay down or get in a really comfortable position do I start nodding the fuck out (unless it's a really high/borderline OD dose, then I just nod the fuck out and/or pass out for an hour or two...kind of scary at times).
Does this happen to anyone else? I have plenty of experience with heroin, and every other drug under the sun, snorted, smoked, IVed, but it's only these days, after over a year's abstinence (and also in a different country...back in the States it was either number 4 beige/tan/white powder or tar, here in Portugal it's brown powdery/chunky number 3 dope, the kind you need citric acid to dissolve), that I feel this way.
Don't get me wrong, it feels great, and people don't notice anything (only other junkies who know the signs...itching, constricted pupils and whatnot), they just think I'm in a great mood, as opposed to when I take benzos or drink, it feels like it's never enough and doesn't hit the spot just right like dope does...yet everybody else notices I'm completely fucked up except me, and end up taking more.
It's like the perfect drug, and feels less addictive to me than before (then again that probably has to do with the brainwashing I went through after a year in treatment, I'm more conscious of my limits and up to which point I can go without falling off the deep end), even though I know it really isn't...
Anyways, sorry about the long post, I actually just shot up (maybe a little less than 0.2, and smoked maybe 50-75mg beforehand as well...the dope here isn't very pure but it's ridiculously cheap...) about an hour ago and feeling real chatty and chill and itchy all over.
Take care of yourselves, people. %)
(I really am in a position to say that myself, huh...goddamn hypocrite that I am)
)...but within a second if I someone calls me up to do something I can just jump out of my seat and get going!
