Some back round info about me. I'm 31 and been on and off meth, pills, lady H and benzos for 12+ years. Nothin I'd say that was super hard core a slight meth prob in the day but nothin crazy.
So lately( maybe a few years on and off now if I'm honest) I've just been thinking out there stuff ay no, its sometimes hard to slow my mind down.
I seem to go through days or even weeks of been awesome and feeling good then other days of not been really there, and depressed I guess. I don't think it bipolar (maybe), just issues in my head that need to worked out.
Drugs seem to magnify these feelings 10 fold like rounds meth etc, hahaha like a true pill head, only at the end of the coming down part but.
I don't even go out that much once in a blue moon, I love going out and running a muck, i love the little round things and mostly the music!!! That's the addictive part. Im dancing and feeling good all night, the first and middle part are amazing! But the come downs are killing me and bringing back to many memory's I'd rather forgot or had forgetting about till a few years ago. Maybe I blocked them?
Is it better to stop the drugs, still knowing that these thoughts are still there somewhere?
I've tried talking to someone but unless I'm on drugs or something they'll never get anything real out of me, I won't open up it at all.
Does anyone no of a doc in Perth that would allow me to drop a round before going to see him? It would be the biggest DNM but maybe sort my head space out, willing to try anything
Hey man, I can partially relate to what you're going through.
I was addicted to heroin for about an entire year, before I quit. Last year, I was offered (anywhere from 1 to 4-5 doses) of black tar heroin, for free. There were at least two instances like this where I had the will power to do this and I actually said no.
Years ago when I was addicted to heroin, I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined being able to turn down free heroin. It was a turning point in my life when I realized I had re-gained my ability to say "no" to such an awfully addictive drug.
During 2011-2012, I had a meth habit. I wouldn't call it an addiction by any means (label me all you want to in as many ways as you want to, I don't care).
I want to stress how very important it is to avoid using methamphetamine and heroin. These drugs (cocaine/base included, as well as the RC amphetamine type stimulants like mephedrone) only serve to create
maybe a good feeling at first, followed by a void which feels like you need/want the drug to recreate the good feeling (which is only perceived as a good feeling because that is what you are seeking, not so much because the effects of a drug are pleasurable*). This void never grows until you stop using and realize that you can't continue to pour gasoline on the fire.
Trying methamphetamine, or heroin, or cocaine/base, has the potential to start a fire in your soul/brain/body. If you continue to use, you're just pouring gasoline on this fire, and you will burn death (figuratively, but also possibly literally as well). Once you find yourself trapped in a cycle of pouring gasoline on this fire, you know you're fucked. You could have been fucked before trying the drugs, but there's no way you can handle an exponentially growing cocaine/base/meth/heroin habit, unless you have literally unlimited funds (millions and millions of dollars; I'm not exaggerating here), or are literally somehow able to create or acquire the drug(s) yourself.
* what I meant by this; taking a large dosage of methamphetamine or heroin is extremely unpleasant. There will be euphoria, but at a large enough dosage of heroin, the nausea and vomiting are so horrible that the experience starts to become dysphoric. At a large enough dose of methamphetamine, you can have a stroke or heart attack at the worst. At best, you will have a lot of vomiting leading into dry heaving as your body can't comprehend that vomiting isn't going to help a drug get out of your stomach when you IV'd it. I wish there was a way you could tell your body to not go through that, unfortunately, you can't. The body has its own way of dealing with things. Nonetheless, the effects of methamphetamine itself are by far and wide largely euphoric and dysphoric. It causes a lot of feelings of euphoria from the stimulation, but it also causes a lot of panic/anxiety, it causes a lot of high blood pressure/high heart rate, it causes bruxism, it literally squeezes all of the water weight out of your body like squeezing a sponge, it causes your body to burn through sugars abnormally quickly (if you're not a healthy weight this could be a good thing; for someone like me, this is by far and large a bad thing), it causes loss of appetite, it can lead to problems with memory, it can cause insomnia, without a doubt your behavior and personality will be different (often for the worse, not for the better). And then there's the more extreme side-effects of methamphetamine, including paranoia, delusions, auditory and visual and tactile hallucinations, which may
or may not subside after quitting methamphetamine. I watched my ex-girlfriend go through meth psychosis and it eventually led to her becoming a violent schizophrenic.
And aside from these dysphoric side effects while you're on the drug, there's also the fact that you ARE going to come down from it after you take it. Coming off of methamphetamine/heroin/cocaine/base may or may not be dysphoric, but normally is for a lot of people who use heavily enough. Finally, heroin related PAWS is a bitch, and post-methamphetamine use induced depression is especially rough to overcome.
For these reasons, I advise everyone to avoid methamphetamine/heroin/base/cocaine, and to stick to cannabis and psychedelics. Of course it is important to remember that some people can handle the aforementioned hard drugs, others can't. It's also important to remember that some people can handle cannabinoids and psychedelics, whereas other's can't.
It's important to avoid drugs you can't handle or have bad/adverse reactions/side effects to.
I think once you stop using methamphetamine, there will be a lot less ups and downs in your life, and you'll feel better about your life/living in general.
Best of luck!
. Unfortunately I don't know of any doctors who do MDMA therapy - not sure if there are trials at all of that kind in WA tbh. 