• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Anybody lose their relationship after cleaning up?

L

locohooter

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 24, 2012
Messages
21
(I'd like to note that navigating myself towards TDS I noticed the General Discussion page and other page 'thread count' - with all the sections on this forum it's amazing how many are in TDS versus the others. In case anybody looks at this and reads any of these posts, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it just wasn't worth it. Whenever I think of the alternative of my life right now, the idea of getting what I think is high which was just a bunch of years to keep myself from getting sick, it just ain't worth the trouble. It will either end in death or The Dark Side. Neither are amazing experiences although I have to say that cleaning up life can show you amazing things that you didn't know existed.)

I moved that to the top to hopefully not take over what I'm writing here - I'd like to hear other stories out there if anybody wants to share:

My relationship has gone to shit since cleaning up my act. These days I look at her as the vessel that helped me stop years of opiate abuse. We're just not working out though - I would have thought before going through this mind-erasing amazingly crazy experience they simply call "detox" that things would have been good, but now I'm finding all these flaws and problems that I have with her and I am not sure if it's just me that's overly sensitive or this just isn't right. I couldn't imagine a relationship working out right after a detox.

Any other stories out there? I'm sure probably more yes than no. What I'm seeing though are a lot of reasons why I took drugs more than qualities. Sometimes it's the looks that keep me in it and nothing else.

I hope you all are well out there...
 
I lost my last (and only serious) relationship after nearly 4 years due to drug use/getting clean. My now-ex and I had gone through Suboxone and gotten clean, relapsed probably a few times, but at some point I decided to get clean and stay clean for a while, but my ex always had that craving burning in her mind and I'd catch her using hydrocodone and kratom products behind my back, which at first seemed like no big deal, til the next thing I know she's snorting oxy 80s and eating handfuls of kpins and fucking 4 of my friends behind my back. Needless to say we broke up around the time I found all that out (I was even willing to forgive her and let it all be, which I'd still even be willing to do, but it ain't gonna happen) and it was a crushing blow. I really do feel like my choice to get/stay clean killed the relationship because around the time she started cheating on me, she was constantly begging to go get pills "just one more time" or telling me how "a few Norcos wouldn't put us in withdrawal" and stuff like that, and I was responding by telling her no thanks and that I wanted to stay clean to get a job and better my future.

How this story ends? Well I got a job about a month before we broke up, which was one of my main goals in getting clean. Then I ended up relapsing a few times, and I feel like it's back to square one a lot of the time. I have no job or girlfriend and I constantly struggle with staying "clean", a word which I personally redefine frequently. But how did she fare? Well she's a complete washed-up junkie now at the age of 20. After we split paths, she went to the needle and now shoots about a quarter gram or more of dope daily, depending on how much money she can hustle together. And the guy she traded me in for has the same habit she does.

Gotta say, I can't really say whether my decision to stay clean at that particular time was the best decision or not. I still love and miss this girl with all my heart, and I really do feel like we'd still be together if I'd kept up using with her during this period of time. But I look at where she is now, how she just got out of 2 week inpatient and went immediately back to dope first day out, how her mom fears everyday that she'll be burying a daughter soon, how all she cares about is dope...and maybe it was best that we ended up separated. I thought this girl was my soul mate, but soul mate or not, I don't need a "shoot up and die" mate at this point in my life haha.
 
I had a situation where i chose to stop messing with some people along w/ m amph. Along with kicking the needle. Never the less this ended up making a gap between me and my ex and she wouldnt do nothing but shoot up. Didnt care about what my feelings were or that i was even trying to help her.

Ended up ending it myself due to being dragged down by contentious ways. It was already over but we were together for a year.
Seemed like when i cut all my use down about 80% she lost interest in me .

Theres more to a relationship than drugs though some people just get caught up in the mix so much they lose sight of what they have and drugs cloud their mind or change them.

I had no problem w/ her doing such things but when it comes to just worrying about that next buzz or dope high got to get a grip on yo self.

just my few cents on this
 
Even if the person is helping you get clean, and you do get clean, the dynamic of the relationship is still likely to change. At the least it is a disruption. At the most, or worst, the significant other may be codependent and now the once sick and reliant person they nurtured into sobriety doesn't need their help anymore; they have something called recovery - a deeply personal undertaking. This causes a schism in some relationships in early recovery due to the dynamic turning on its head.
 
I've never lost a partner, but I lost entire groups of friends when I got off the weekly party circuit and stopped using MDMA. They kept trying to drag me back into it. My solution for turning my life around and to stop being sucked back into that lifestyle was to leave that city completely.
 
I lost my girlfriend of 6 years, love of my life, which in turn was a wake up call to get clean. It was a motivator and in the back of my mind I thought I'd win her back. But no, she cut off all contact. She gave back every letter, drawing, I made for her. Like she wanted to erase the memory of our relationship. Been over a year and I still think about her : (
 
ArtVandalay said:
I lost my girlfriend of 6 years, love of my life, which in turn was a wake up call to get clean. It was a motivator and in the back of my mind I thought I'd win her back. But no, she cut off all contact. She gave back every letter, drawing, I made for her. Like she wanted to erase the memory of our relationship. Been over a year and I still think about her : (
Click to expand...
Exactly......i lost all my relationships while i was using, and could never get them back.
Had a girlfriend, started using, lost her,
cleaned up, but she wouldnt take me back.....blows man. i feel for all of you
 
I dont know what to tell you man, but relationships end for one reason or another. I just got out of a relationship and it sucked. One thing i have learned is im never having kids or married. Ill have a 30 year girlfriend but thats it(maybe common law of if we dont have to split our stuff). Women fuck you in the end. Its sounds real negative but then again im a real negative person.
 
I haven't yet but it's a real possibility in my case.. I wasn't addicted but majorly depressed often suicidal, got on a med that's working wonders, and now all we do is fight.. I'm @ the point now, where he's calling me abusive..

Relationships are hard work. also, generally when it's on the worse side of, "For better or worse," some1 splits..given I'm not maRried, I look @ my relationship kind of like that. Unconditional love doesn't really exist anymore. Although, idk about ur situation, but mine is almost 8 years. The thought of not being around,makes me sick,but I can't be called an abuser either.

I hope things work out for you, and wish you all the best of luck bud.. Give us updates.
 
i kind of get this feeling in my relationship. It's like she was okay with me being drugged out all the time because i was complacent. Now that i am doing better, i see the cracks but i think it will still work. I just don't know if it will last forever, i can't imagine living life without her, it would be so weird after all this time. I think these kinks can be worked out still, sometimes the drug addict you was a better fit because the other person in the relationship didn't have to try hard or put in any effort. Now that you're clean, you are much stronger and better able to deal with life, creating an imbalance in the relationship.

i wish i knew how it would all work out, whether i was wasting my time, whether i'm really still in love, whether i long to be in a new relationship, it's too much to figure out.
 
Thanks for the responses y'all. Still battling this one out. I was high and complacent, didn't challenge anything. Now in straight and sober and am watching her hide behind a brick wall and unable to communicate. It was all fine when I would just get high, every day every hour, but now I see the faults in us as clear as day. And it's me seeing her challenges she has - I wish it was me, then I'd fix it. But it's the kind of woman that dropped me off at the ER last night and left me here to cab it home solo. That blew me away.

I'm losing my lady to her own demons. She is the same as she always was, I changed and now I can't find the logic in it. Love her but she's to far gone in her own "drug" called self-sabotaging self-hatred. The only way I overlooked all this was by being high and sharing that sentiment.

Good luck to all you out there. I know we'll all be fine. (BUT FUCK! SUCKS, NO?)
 
Dang man, sorry things aren't working out the greatest. Thanx though for the update. Have you maybe thought about taking a break for a while, not necessarily breaking up but just a "separation" of sorts, just so you both can figure out what you really want..
Hell though, idk, my relationship is failing atm also..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top