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Anybody envious of people who don't use drugs?

ohshea said:
So so so true. I wish i never knew the cozinessnof heroin, because laying with my partner in hed watching a movie pales in comparison to how it feels when dipped. The thoughts, fun, creativity and self entertainment that meth provides me makes me unable to partake in anything creative while sober because i just dont feel the inspiration or excitement anymore, knowing how much more fun and creative and motivated i am while on meth. I dont get that inspiration while sober. And ive created some pretty unique scrapbooks and collages while tweaking, but theyre difficult for me to look at sober because they depress me.

I wish i never knew the great feeling of mdma, because now i can never enjoy a party or rave knowing how into to the music and people and myself i used to be, it is an other wordly experience and without the drugs, i feel awkward and out of place.

Youre post is so relatable because i feel that even though im on my rocky road to recovery and try to take pleasure in the little things, they just dont bring me as much joy as they used to. I feel like an outsider, like everyone gets life but im missing out on understanding it. I feel the same way, id rather be naive and happy and never done drugs, none of them have enriched my life so much as to balance out the harm theyve done.

I just want others to appreciate and value what they have. Im not jealous, I am happy with my slice of the pie because i know i worked damn hard to get it back. I just hate seeing things being unappreciated and people being ungrateful, or not realizing that they got handed pretty good cards. I dont want them to know these evil things to torture them, just so they know that there are those types of things out there and it can happen to anyone, so work to keep what you have and love it.
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I didn't feel like going too in-depth, but you did and that's exactly how I feel. As corny as it sounds I'd like to think my life turns out somewhat like how "Limitless" the movie ends. You know, the part where he's able to still be awesome because he learned how to conquer it.

I know one day I'll look back and think of all those crazy times and relish in the fact that I've experienced things others have not and be glad I did. But like always for me, I hate uncertainty.

Live goes on though :).

Loved your post <3.
 
ohshea said:
So so so true. I wish i never knew the cozinessnof heroin, because laying with my partner in hed watching a movie pales in comparison to how it feels when dipped. The thoughts, fun, creativity and self entertainment that meth provides me makes me unable to partake in anything creative while sober because i just dont feel the inspiration or excitement anymore, knowing how much more fun and creative and motivated i am while on meth. I dont get that inspiration while sober. And ive created some pretty unique scrapbooks and collages while tweaking, but theyre difficult for me to look at sober because they depress me.

I wish i never knew the great feeling of mdma, because now i can never enjoy a party or rave knowing how into to the music and people and myself i used to be, it is an other wordly experience and without the drugs, i feel awkward and out of place.

Youre post is so relatable because i feel that even though im on my rocky road to recovery and try to take pleasure in the little things, they just dont bring me as much joy as they used to. I feel like an outsider, like everyone gets life but im missing out on understanding it. I feel the same way, id rather be naive and happy and never done drugs, none of them have enriched my life so much as to balance out the harm theyve done.

EDIT: hold your horses "junkie days" before you go around thrashing on others calling them fucked up and selfish. What I said was people who have so much in front of them (going to a good uni, have a great fam life with great financial support, paid for cars, housing, etc, people who have great things but choose to bitch how much their life is crap or theyre not happy with the car their mom bought them etc etc where if i had the chance for all that id take it all and stop drugs in an instant) i just want them to know that the life they have is not so bad and they should appreciate it, because they never know when it could slip through their fingers. I want to let them know that there is worse out there, MUCH worse, and what you have is valuable.

Because before i was a junkie, i took everything for granted. Now that I have seen the lows of life and know what its like to be on the streets, scrounging up five bucks to pay a day pass to ride the one nightly bus in la all night so i had somewhere warm to sit at night, having your only bag of belongings stolen from you leaving you with only the dirty clothes on your back, being sick in jail; i know can appreciate the simple things such as my freedom, and i take pride in things ive worked for such as putting a roof over my head, rebuying all the clothes in my closet, appreciating the food in my fridge

I just want others to appreciate and value what they have. Im not jealous, I am happy with my slice of the pie because i know i worked damn hard to get it back. I just hate seeing things being unappreciated and people being ungrateful, or not realizing that they got handed pretty good cards. I dont want them to know these evil things to torture them, just so they know that there are those types of things out there and it can happen to anyone, so work to keep what you have and love it.
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I'm sorry o'shea but IMO the statement that you can do anything creative because you abused meth and now no longer get inspired could be looked at in a much different way.. yeah we may have found instant inspiration and added creativity from the affects of drugs we have taken.. being a long time writer and painter I have written and painted in almost every drug induced state of mind... my drug abuse and addiction was really hard, long, and really ugly in the end.. but after I read your ideas on this I went and looked at some of the paintings I have from different periods in my life, and read through a few pieces from different periods.. and I have to say that I think that I'm not only way more creative clean but am producing works that are really significantly better than at ANY other point in my work. Since we are no longer choose to take drugs that can create instant inspiration and spark creativity, then I would suggest that you find real things that inspire you. Whats the last thing real life experience that left you with goose bumps stacked on goosebumps because it was so powerful and inspiring? (and just put that thought of those wretched withdrawals outta you head). The only thing you need to do to find inspiration now is look for it.. and when you find it and take advantage of it I think you may find that your works (in whatever form they may take, as now you may find you will enjoy a different medium when you are not trapped in that meth lock compulsion) are much better as you will have a mind that is actually functioning much better and will be that much more powerful and creative.

About the thought on how sitting around watching a movie will never be the same as when you were dipped.. this i feel is probably true but the reason it will never feel this way is because sitting around watching a movie in a bedroom just isn't that amazing a thing:\.. dont want to sound preachy or like an asshole but this probably kinda come off that way, as I feel its the truth I will risk it... Life doesn't give it to you.. you have to TAKE IT.. the thing about drugs is they dont change the world, just our perception of it, and as our perception is based on our thoughts, and we control our thoughts, we ultimately and truly control how our life is.. people that have relied or rely heavily on drugs to kill boredom and make their lives interesting are just living boring lives. To live an interesting and exciting life after heavy drug use or addiction all we need to do is start to live a real life that is interesting and exciting. And since this is way easier, cheaper, and way more fulfilling than relying on brain chemical manipulation to constantly fool ourselves onto thinking we are living an interesting life, it wont be that hard to begin to create. And I am in now way saying that responsible drug use does not add something to peoples lives, it does and it did for me, I'm talking about if a user gets consumed by the drugs and starts synergizing or using some chemical at almost all times to try and manipulate the way they feel constantly or when a user turns into an addict and they are dependent on a drug to just try and feel ok.

And i guess I'm going to come off kinda anti drug a little to heavily compared to what I actually think.. but the thought of not being able to enjoy good music because you feel watching without drugs wont match up to watching it rolling or whatever... This is absolutely not true and not even close to true.. at least for me.. many many years before I even thought about sobering up I decided that I had a way better time and enjoyed the music way more when i wasn't flying on some substance.. I am really into music and have toured with different acts, not as a performer just as a fan, I love the festivals, the clubs, and the concerts.. probably like ten years before I cleaned up I remember coming out of a venue peaking and not being able to even find my car or mates until hours and hours later.. as I was driving way that morning I tried to think of the show I had saw, what songs were played etcetera.. it was no good it was a blurr.. so I said you know what I m not hitting music this way any more, I just loved the music to much and it always became so much more about the drugs than the music.. so after 15 years of combing every type of music with every type of drug.. I shifted gears and focussed on the music.. now im not saying I was showing up clean as a whistle dressed in my neatly pressed nuns habit.. but I would go and MAYBE have a beer or two and smoke a joint, take an addy or two.. but yes there were plenty of times I was sober.. until I became a full time junky then all I would be on was whatever i needed to feel right.. but I can say that without a doubt I enjoyed the music WAY FUCKN MORE after I made this change... and it was so much better that i continued to remain almost un buzzed or sober through out the entire ten years before I cleaned up. So I really think you are looking at this wrong and should give the music a chance sober.. almost positive you will be surprised.. plus it pretty easy to get someone to sport you a ticket when you wave the I will be the baby sitter for all you active drug users as well as be a reliable sober driver.. yeah putting up with spunions when your clean isn't the most desirable task, but i've found I can deal well with just about every intoxicated person except damn drunks.. sorry drunks suck.. but good earphones and a seemingly endless supply of free tickets works well for me even if I have to listen to the damn drunk telling me, whose sober to watch my driving as i may get pulled over even though im going five miles under the speed limit8( for the 40th time coming out of the show. So please give the music a chance sober, I almost guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised.. oh and I love getting my revenge on the damn drunks in the morning.. yeah couple laps in the hotel pool hit the workout center and breakfast.. then back to the room to turn up the tools on all the drunks who are all bug eyed with their hangovers or opening all the blinds and widows and speaking in a tone that is audible just to give the tweekers a little nudge to become unstuck and figure out a way to get un cinched.

So So sorry about the ramble or if I came off as an ass... but if you continue to choose to falsely look at sobriety and the resulting life as a chore and a curse then you will continue to be cursed. Start to work towards making your life amazing and in no time it will be amazing. If you are comfortable with going out with people that are using, do it a couple of time sober, nothing better to see what your actually missing compared to what you think you are missing, but looking at it first hand in the cool light of sobriety or a slight grass buzz.. think you might just see that you aren't missing much.
 
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