Stringer_Bell
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2015
- Messages
- 196
Hello Bluelighters,
First, I should say that I know the usual answer to someone saying they don't get much out of coke is that the coke isn't any good. I'm as sure as I can be that it's not the case here but even if I'm wrong, I'd appreciate it if we could just assume that the quality of the coke isn't the problem. For what it's worth the coke in question has been tested at over 75% pure with no leva or other active cuts. I've also tried coke from different batches also testing 'pure' (meaning no active cuts) at over 75%. Everybody raves about the stuff.
I should mention that I'm on antidepressants. I know for sure that they prevent me feeling almost all effects MDMA but not sure if they should affect my ability to experience the effects of coke or not. They certainly don't affect my ability to feel the effects of prescription dexamfetamine (I'm in the UK and we get given that, not Adderall).
I started doing coke about 6 months ago (insufflated, I have never smoked or IV'd and have no interest in either of those ROA). The very first time I did it was actually in the US. I got the classic extreme euphoria followed by a heavy crash. The high came on instantly which makes me think it may have been the levamisole (I think pretty much all coke in the US has leva in it) rather than the coke that got me high because from what I understand coke doesn't give instant euphoria when insufflated, it takes 10 mins or so to come on.
After that I started doing coke in the UK. I went a bit crazy with it at first, going on multi-day and multi-gram binges, then ending up a depressed wreck at the end of the binges. I went through a stage of combining the coke with oral oxycodone and that felt amazing but, as per my other thread, oxy doesn't do much for me anymore (tolerance I guess) and I don't want to mess around with opiates anymore anyway, given the hell that 'recreational' oxy use may lead to.
Anyway that's just background. My question is this. I don't really get any massive euphoria from coke so why do I keep using (I'm guessing the answer is just that I'm addicted). It's quite pleasant but nothing special. What I DO enjoy is the process of doing coke. Hotplating it, racking up lines and snorting the coke (I love the taste). I have really settled down in the way I use coke and have completely stopped the multi-gram binges over several days. Now, I'll do about 0.5g once a week or fortnight. I don't do anymore than that because if I do then I get pretty bad depression for the next few days. I'm addicted for sure because after a week of not using I get quite bad cravings and really do feel compelled to get more coke. It took me a while to accept this (being addicted) but I definitely am.
On the one hand I want to quit because clearly being addicted to coke isn't good. On the other hand it kind of fills a gap in my life that I can't quite identify and that makes me not want to quit. But it seems so weird to me that I keep using even though I don't get anything out of it.
Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to know if anybody else could relate to the above or whether I'm just crazy. Of course I know I should quit but it would be better for about 90% of people on this forum if we never touched drugs again. I like being sober and healthy but I always have this weird sense of dissatisfaction and doing coke every week or two sort of fills that gap. I've tried filling it with other stuff like running, writing, etc all of which I love but they don't fill the gap.
S
First, I should say that I know the usual answer to someone saying they don't get much out of coke is that the coke isn't any good. I'm as sure as I can be that it's not the case here but even if I'm wrong, I'd appreciate it if we could just assume that the quality of the coke isn't the problem. For what it's worth the coke in question has been tested at over 75% pure with no leva or other active cuts. I've also tried coke from different batches also testing 'pure' (meaning no active cuts) at over 75%. Everybody raves about the stuff.
I should mention that I'm on antidepressants. I know for sure that they prevent me feeling almost all effects MDMA but not sure if they should affect my ability to experience the effects of coke or not. They certainly don't affect my ability to feel the effects of prescription dexamfetamine (I'm in the UK and we get given that, not Adderall).
I started doing coke about 6 months ago (insufflated, I have never smoked or IV'd and have no interest in either of those ROA). The very first time I did it was actually in the US. I got the classic extreme euphoria followed by a heavy crash. The high came on instantly which makes me think it may have been the levamisole (I think pretty much all coke in the US has leva in it) rather than the coke that got me high because from what I understand coke doesn't give instant euphoria when insufflated, it takes 10 mins or so to come on.
After that I started doing coke in the UK. I went a bit crazy with it at first, going on multi-day and multi-gram binges, then ending up a depressed wreck at the end of the binges. I went through a stage of combining the coke with oral oxycodone and that felt amazing but, as per my other thread, oxy doesn't do much for me anymore (tolerance I guess) and I don't want to mess around with opiates anymore anyway, given the hell that 'recreational' oxy use may lead to.
Anyway that's just background. My question is this. I don't really get any massive euphoria from coke so why do I keep using (I'm guessing the answer is just that I'm addicted). It's quite pleasant but nothing special. What I DO enjoy is the process of doing coke. Hotplating it, racking up lines and snorting the coke (I love the taste). I have really settled down in the way I use coke and have completely stopped the multi-gram binges over several days. Now, I'll do about 0.5g once a week or fortnight. I don't do anymore than that because if I do then I get pretty bad depression for the next few days. I'm addicted for sure because after a week of not using I get quite bad cravings and really do feel compelled to get more coke. It took me a while to accept this (being addicted) but I definitely am.
On the one hand I want to quit because clearly being addicted to coke isn't good. On the other hand it kind of fills a gap in my life that I can't quite identify and that makes me not want to quit. But it seems so weird to me that I keep using even though I don't get anything out of it.
Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to know if anybody else could relate to the above or whether I'm just crazy. Of course I know I should quit but it would be better for about 90% of people on this forum if we never touched drugs again. I like being sober and healthy but I always have this weird sense of dissatisfaction and doing coke every week or two sort of fills that gap. I've tried filling it with other stuff like running, writing, etc all of which I love but they don't fill the gap.
S