Any sober moms out there???

[gypsiejunkie]

Im really nervous about going to rehab. Im so scared they are gonna forget me...they will have to learn to live without me. so pissed im at this point. If there are any mothers out there that had to leave for whatever reason and have come back..what should i expect?

 

[itsALLfake]

I'm a sober Dad, but I found out she was 3-months pregnant when I was almost 3months into rehab. I left transitional after being 3-months. I already planned on staying the minimal 3-months, but I had a better excuse than that I just wanted to leave. If it is inpatient, they aren't going to let you leave. Transitional and sober living will allow you to leave with permission, but with transitional it will only be on one occurrence after you build up trust if they let you go. Sober living will vary.

Your kids will be fine. They won't forget who they're mother is, and if you've decided to go to rehab, then you know where your addiction will take you. Letting yourself be consumed by that won't be beneficial to your children at all. Do it for yourself, but by doing it for yourself, you're doing it for your family. Recovery is a selfish+selfless program.

 

[T. Calderone]

Don't be pissed at yourself because you got to this point. This is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family. I believe my son was 9 the first time I went to rehab. Both him and grandpa were phoning me daily wanting me to come home. It tore me up because I was emotional to begin with and that made me want to leave even more.

This is where you have to make it clear before you go. They're going to want to talk to you but many rehabs don't let you get calls. Some programs will let you make one ten minute call per week, others are more lenient. Your kids need to know that you are going away to get better and you will be coming back so much better. When do you leave and how long is the program?

 

[missmeyet?]

Honey, how long are you going to be gone? How old are your children? Who will they be staying with while you are gone? Do they normally live with just you or is there someone else that is normally in their life day to day?
No matter, they won't forget you but if you can tell us a little more about your situation maybe we have some good advice for how you and your kids can better cope with the seperation..
Congrats also for taking the step in that direction...in the end your kids will benefit from it as much as you do. I don't know what you are going to be "rehabbed" from but life will, in the least, be easier in the long run for you and your family.

 

[gypsiejunkie]

Frustrated!! Waiting desperately to. go but have to finish the loooong application process. Anyway itll probably be a couple months still. Ill be gone for 6 months and luckily my kids will be able to visit and 2 days out of the week i can make/recieve calls. My kids are 3 and 5...ive mainly been really worried about my daughter because shes so sensitive and understands more about whats going on but now im flipping out about my son because hes so little and is so adaptable..i cant think of the right word but u know. Its so hard too because ive been working on the application for months and my resolve is draining but i can get my drugs in about 10 minutes u know? Why is it so hard to get help when u need it!!! Thanks for the responses!!

 

[herbavore]

There is no comparison between becoming clear and sober for your kids and being out of their lives for a brief time for rehab in terms of the consequences for them. I think I remember that your kids are really young. Missmeyet?'s question is very relevant though. There are real, concrete things you can do at each stage of a child's life to help them cope with absence in order to minimize feelings of abandonment.

If your child is an infant, letting her/him sleep with a T-shirt of yours that smells like you, watching videos or hearing tapes of your voice while being held by grandma or someone else familiar and safe is a good option.

For a toddler or preschooler, hearing that mommy went away to get better so that she can be a good mommy is a way to frame it. Children that young are developmentally narcissistic--they think everything is about them and they feel responsible when someone leaves. ("What did I do wrong?" or "I was not good enough so she left me" are examples of their thinking.) It is so important to reassure them constantly that you are going away to get better for them and that they did nothing wrong or "bad".

here is a link that might help.

Just know that you are taking the most courageous step of your life. Be as kind to yourself as you can and believe in your own strength and capacity to change however you want to change. You begin a journey as a mom and you instantly realize that your life journey is no longer all about you. Still, it is ultimately your own and how well you care for yourself directly correlates to how well you can nurture and guide your kids. You are resetting your course and consulting your inner compass right now. Give that all your attention. (((()))

 

[gypsiejunkie]

Thanks guys...so glad i found this haha ive said it in every post but man, i havent had anyone to talk to about this stuff thats not involved/judgemental etc...Anyway i feel pretty good about what i have said to my kids, basically exactly what you said. I told them i was going away to a dr so i could get better and wouldnt cry/get mad/sick so much anymore. Also i have a skin picking disorder that ive had since pre-addiction days and my fingers are all messed up from it and always bleeding and hurt from where i pick. My daughter sadly has picked up this habit and we have a little ptomise to work on it while im gone together. I feel like this is the best thing ive done because i plan to make that a priority so when she visits i can show her my painted nails. haha maybe thats stupid i dont know but anyway. Over all i am really ready to go. i am just very discouraged and tired of waiting and dont want to die before i get in. But! A lot (in my opinion) spiritual warfare going on. Thoughts about them getting in a car accident while im gone etc. So good to hear from people on the other side and thanks for listening ti my endless ramblings again haha

 

[tripnotyzm]

Good on you Gypsie.
Let me just say that i think what you are doing is incredibly brave, and a very responsible decision.
I am not a parent but I can fully understand the mental state you must be in when you think about leaving your kids.
At least they are able to visit you in there.
It sounds like you have a good bond with your daughter.. It was really responsible of you to talk to her about the whole situation in that way, and come up with that cool little way to break similar habits

 

[User Name Here]

Im really nervous about going to rehab. Im so scared they are gonna forget me...they will have to learn to live without me. so pissed im at this point. If there are any mothers out there that had to leave for whatever reason and have come back..what should i expect?

One thing you need to remember: Children are more resilient than we give them credit for. They're great at adopting to new situations and your kids will be just fine, especially if they're young. Plenty of children go without one or both parents in the picture for months or even years and end up okay. My husband is deployed right now and while our two year old visibly misses him (he looks at his father's photos, gets excited when he sees anyone who looks like his dad, etc.) he is just fine. He goes about his day as if nothing ever happened. Obviously older children might harbor resentment with a situation like this and if that's your case your rehab facility can help facilitate counseling to help repair any damaged relationships.

You're doing a wonderful thing. Good luck!