Any recovered alcoholic AA goers still indule in other drugs here and there?

[KoreyS]

I'm not trying to type a lot so I'mma get straight to the point: I've been going to this one group meeting the last two Fridays. I will start going to them much more often. Last Friday I got my "desire" chip and was congratulated and introduced to by a host of really cool people. Guys and girls. Some gave their email and phone numbers. One bought me my own version of The Big Book which I plan to nose-dive into very soon, if not tonight.

I want to quit drinking finally and for good. It is very destructive for someone like me and after years and years of it fucking with my life I know that I can no longer just take a sip here and there responsibly. Like they say, one drink is too much and a thousand is never enough. I want nothing to do with alcohol. I drank the last two days but plan on eventually putting a stop it completely.

My problem is that I still want to do the odd benzo or opiate here and there. I don't view that as a huge problem. I'd like to drink a batch of poppy seed tea or something once a week. Alcohol is the real issue for me. However, if I do this, I'll almost feel as if I'm not being 100% honest with people at AA and am just a cop-out. I plan to get much more involved in AA but AA is about complete abstinence, and I know most people there will look down upon simply trading one high for another.

Has anyone else found themself in this position? Any advise?

 

[SkagKush]

^ im an aa'er... you will never be able to take a sobriety chip, and if you do you would be lying and cheating the whole program... feel free to attend anyways but dont lie about sobriety...

 

[KoreyS]

^ im an aa'er... you will never be able to take a sobriety chip, and if you do you would be lying and cheating the whole program... feel free to attend anyways but dont lie about sobriety...

Damn, is this true? I thought the sobriety chips were for 1 month, 2 months, 6 months sober from alcohol alone? I didn't think the sobriety chips include other narcotics as well. I wouldn't ever lie to anybody there.

Do you go up for your chips, or are you in the same position as me/

 

[KoreyS]

Edit- Like I'd never do this at NA, but I thought the AA chips were geared specifically towards alcohol only.

Thanks for the response by the way

 

[pancakepirate]

Well, I can't remember at this exact moment whether or not the Big Book directly mentions anything on this topic, but in NA they do specifically state that alcohol is a drug and using it negates one's sobriety. You'll find differing opinions among members of AA, but the general consensus is that if you're using substances other than alcohol, you're not truly sober. I'm sure the spectrum of perspectives on the matter is quite large, but I can almost guarantee you that the vast majority of people in AA would not recognize your sobriety. I know some people who have such a radical opinion that they've openly discouraged their sponsees from getting on anti-depressants. In fact, there is this weird tacit antipathy between two of the biggest AA groups in my area because a long time ago, well over a decade at this point, someone told a newcomer that he wasn't sober if he was on anti-depressants, and three days later, he walked into the middle of a field and shot himself.

But really, I still think it's great that you've cut out alcohol from your life. That's awesome regardless, and no one can take that from you. I can only speak for myself, but even though alcohol is my drug of choice and has been the worst of my addictions, I've developed addictions to other things too. You're an alcoholic, and maybe you can do a benzo here and there, but just realize that you have the potential to develop an addiction to them. You might not, but you could. It's easy to substitute one addiction for another.

I'm glad things are going well for you and you're no longer using alcohol! The only advice I'd give is to be vigilant about your using other things. They may not get you right away, but you already have the propensity for addiction, so just be wary of that.

Btw, do you have a sponsor? What does he or she say about this?

 

[KoreyS]

Well, I can't remember at this exact moment whether or not the Big Book directly mentions anything on this topic, but in NA they do specifically state that alcohol is a drug and using it negates one's sobriety. You'll find differing opinions among members of AA, but the general consensus is that if you're using substances other than alcohol, you're not truly sober. I'm sure the spectrum of perspectives on the matter is quite large, but I can almost guarantee you that the vast majority of people in AA would not recognize your sobriety. I know some people who have such a radical opinion that they've openly discouraged their sponsees from getting on anti-depressants. In fact, there is this weird tacit antipathy between two of the biggest AA groups in my area because a long time ago, well over a decade at this point, someone told a newcomer that he wasn't sober if he was on anti-depressants, and three days later, he walked into the middle of a field and shot himself.

But really, I still think it's great that you've cut out alcohol from your life. That's awesome regardless, and no one can take that from you. I can only speak for myself, but even though alcohol is my drug of choice and has been the worst of my addictions, I've developed addictions to other things too. You're an alcoholic, and maybe you can do a benzo here and there, but just realize that you have the potential to develop an addiction to them. You might not, but you could. It's easy to substitute one addiction for another.

I'm glad things are going well for you and you're no longer using alcohol! The only advice I'd give is to be vigilant about your using other things. They may not get you right away, but you already have the propensity for addiction, so just be wary of that.

Btw, do you have a sponsor? What does he or she say about this?

Thanks for the response.

No I do not have a sponsor yet and am not fully sure how the sponsor stuff works yet. I have attened this particular group maybe a dozen times in the past 4 years but was never fully ready for it. It's an open speaker meeting. I am scared of the closed meetings because of my social anxiety. I only spoke to a few people at the meeting.

 

[motherofearth]

There is no question about this: in order to take a chip at AA or NA or any 12 step program 100% abstinence from all psychoactive substances (excepting tobacco, caffeine, and prescribed drugs taken as directed [though some still look down on this, which I can't help but say I think is fucked for people to pass judgment here]). For some people, earning and receiving those chips in front of their group is everything, or at least a large percentage of their experience. In your case, I hope it isn't too meaningful, b/c if you intend to be honest, as you've stated, you will never be granted a chip.

Personally, I feel the well-being and satisfaction you will feel in a life free of alcohol and all its calamities will incalculably surpass the nominal significance of a plastic chip. But that is just me.

As an aside, using PST once a week seems a bit precarious. I'm an occasional morphine user myself, which is essentially the same as PST, and I never plan on using it more than once a month - anything more is courting addiction. I just felt compelled to bring this up, as I've slipped back into active addiction more than once trying to chip w/ morphine. I can get away w/ once a month; more than that and I start to fiend for it like an asshole (as in acting an asshole, not fiending for some asshole, ha ha, ew). However, everyone is different, and perhaps you will be able to maintain where the majority - including myself - have failed.

Best of luck, and a hearty congratulations on your choice to quit drinking,
your pal,
MoE

 

[mrflowers00]

you're not sober if you're using any drugs at all

 

[pancakepirate]

KoreyS - Oh ok, so you're not actually that active in AA? I have social anxiety too, and I know it can be terribly paralyzing. Have you sought counseling for it? A psychiatrist might also be able to prescribe you to a non-habit forming anti-anxiety medication. I don't know what your group is like, and I've attended meetings in different states and had very different experiences. When I was in California, hardly anyone spoke to me at meetings, even when I shared. I was in Orange County, CA for treatment, which is home to the largest recovery community in the world. The groups were usually very big, and the people who attended was really inconsistent because a lot of people from different rehabs would go to the same groups. When I came home to Texas and went to AA here, I didn't even have to share and I was immediately swarmed after the meeting because I was a new face. I basically had a woman come up to me and tell me that she was going to be my temporary sponsor. I didn't have to do anything, which was nice because I'm super shy. A sponsor is someone who generally has a long term period of sobriety (usually at least a year or more) and has completed the steps and works the steps with his or her sponsee. Even though sponsorship is not explicitly outlined or described in the Big Book, it is considered one of the most crucial elements in recovery. It might be out of your comfort zone, but maybe try attending a closed meeting. Keep in mind that you do not have to share. Some groups will have the meeting leader call on people at random, and if this is the case in your group, you can opt to pass. You may ultimately decide AA is not for you, but you could always try it out. While there are aspects of the program I don't particularly like, it works for a lot of people. But if you are candid with your group about your use of other substances, there will be people who will not react too kindly and consider your sobriety invalid. It might even be fodder for gossip and controversy. But AA can be a great outlet and support network. And who knows, if you get involved with AA, maybe you'll share something in a meeting that might save someone's life and inspire him or her to get sober.

Best of luck to you!

 

[mrflowers00]

well i wasn't totally telling the truth if you are taking drugs prescribed by a doctor as prescribed then you are sober in the eyes of most AA/NA goers

 

[Vaya]

Without having read more than three responses to this thread (admittedly...), I'm going to respond to the bet of my ability nonetheless

A a member of AA (and, IME, AA and NA are truly interchangeable), I can you that Avignon reservations regarding future substance use whst maintaining abstinence from alcohol will lead to relapse.

Our twisted ways of thinking, that for so any years self-justified drinking to he point of self-destruction, continue to convince us that there are still ways of convincining ourselves that altering our consciencesness is "oky," as long as we've chosen to Ovid tat one (r several) drugs we've Coe to realize tht we have an allergy to.

Ut think out it. If live heard AA literature, then youveno doubt heard that we have an allergy to drinking. But that's the tip of the iceberg. We need. Real psychic change to recover from alcoholism. And by extension, drug addiction.

During my comings-and-goings in NA & AA since I was 17 years old (I'm 26 now), ive noticed a trend that re-occurs in alcoholics that leads to eventual relapse; benzodiazepines and opiates/opioids. I've noticed this tendency in persons of all walks of life - we seemingly "need" quieting chemicals in order to organize our thoughts into something coherent; something sensible, and governed by logic & reason. Both go out be window when we begin to use anything relating o reason. W re simply too good at talking ourselves out of invincibly peasuable situations that can - and will - eventually happen.

To be uttely concise, do not let your alcoholic thinking make significantly impactgul decisions upon your life.

Warmest regards,

~ J

 

[podsnomo]

I'm in AA and struggle still sometimes. I used poppy pod powder for about the last 3 years of my drinking. Then after I got into AA, I quit that for about a month. Then I started using poppy pods occasionally, weekends, having told myself it would be once a month. A year later, I was taking ridiculous amounts of poppy pods and managed to taper down and switch to kratom. Then I was addicted to kratom for four months. Then I quit that and was clean for about 40 days. Then I thought, I can use kratom here and there, no big deal. A few months later, I was back in my addiction again.

IME and from what 99.9% of successfully recovering alcoholics tell me of their experiences, using anything to make you feel different is not real sobriety. Even if it's cough syrup or a joint or whatever. Plus, as an alcoholic, I know what I really like and want is to make myself feel differently, better. But when I use or drink whether I think it'll be just once a month or just this once or whatev, I wind up arse-effing myself into a whole serious of calamities.

There's a reason AA is based on complete abstinence. For alcoholics, nothing short of complete abstinence seems to work. (Aside from medications prescribed by a responsible doctor who knows the truth and which are taken exactly as prescribed).

I can't. I can't do the once in a while thing. Read that book. We let go absolutely. In surrender and real sobriety you'll find a world you hadn' even fathomed could ever exist. And there, IF you do the WORK, you will likely find that sobriety is more important to you than the occasional buzz. The clean life with some sort of spiritual element is a buzz. And it lasts and lasts. No tolerance. It just takes work. And for this alcoholic, that aint easy.

Try not to make plans, reservations, and expectations heading into AA. Just give it an honest go, and be honest to your fellows there. You got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Peace,
podsnomo