All the time actually. Get this: My shrink, who thinks I have kicked, keeps telling me how GREAT I look. He can't even tell I'm lying. I think the little bit I do every day helps with my mood and in other areas: I'm friendlier, I actually LIKE doing busy work both at work and at home, I want to look nice - wear some make up most days (I'm not much of a make up girl and still considered very beautiful), I talk to just about everyone, I actually GET ALONG BETTER with my mother - which is amazing because she is a loon.
However, weight has been an issue...
I *have* gained some weight since I've started using regularly and moved in with my mother out in the suburbs on February 27. There is always food here. And I am a person who gets the "dope munchies" so I can munch whenever I want.
When I started using regularly (5 days a week or more) - Around Christmastime - I lived alone in the city. When I lived alone in the city, I spent every single dime I made on drugs. My life revolved around $10 increments. The cat always had both hard and soft food. She did not suffer. Me? I ate anything on the $1 shelf at CVS or a .99 cent McDouble from the McDonalds on the corner. If I was lucky to get a date or something, we went out to eat!
But i am a person who used to act/model when I was 23. I've always been medium sized and considered beautiful. Size 8 - 10, 5'6". And these days I'm barely able to button my jeans. Pushing a large 12, nearly a 14. So, fed up*, I started exercising this week and and watching what I'm been eating. The constipation from the dope DOES NOT help at all. Well, I'm already down 4 pounds on my scale since Sunday. Guessing it's because I took a halfway decent shit and have done yoga 3 days this week and haven't been snacking the way I used to...
And you know what's REALLY funny, I take synthroid (speeds up thyroid), adderrall and cymbalta from the GP and the shrink. You'd think I'd weigh 75 pounds with that speedy drug combo...
I look best at 135. I get the most acting jobs at 125-130. If you knew my real name you'd see me on the IMDB. But, I think I look kinda gross at 125. But whatever. I'd be happy with 140 right now. I'm older now and don't need to be anorexic to get TV or film roles as I usually play a "younger mom", lawyer, best friend, nurse, secretary, hot older lady, COP! I don't go for "sexy" anything. I don't take off my clothes. Dig what I'm saying? But weight IS one of the biggest reason you'll get or won't get a part.
Love,
Gwen - on a diet! But have already started exercising, on dope, and am not finding the dope holding me back at all. It's actually helping inspiring me to exercise. But it does cause sweet cravings....
*pun intended!