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Any content opiate addicts out there?

Do yourself a favor and turn back now OP. I once was in the same situation as you're in now, only I made the decision to become a daily user, fully conscious of the consequences, at least I though that at the time.

It can be good for a couple of months, but after that honeymoon period, there's nothing left that will make you content. You have to get by, whatever it takes, and that's not a good thing. You sound like you have an addictive personality (no offense, me too); it'll be all too easy to say fuck it and give in to temptation, but you'll end up with way worse cravings and bodily dependence to boot, it's a tradeoff I once thought fair, but we all make mistakes.

I perfectly understand that you can't see yourself giving up opiates forever, but being a weekend warrior is nearly impossible with these drugs, as your own experiences affirm. The good news is that once you stop, your cravings should subside quite quickly. My suggestion would be to take a long break, at least 6 weeks or so, and see where you stand then.
 
RidingtheBrownline said:
im kinda in the same boat OP. i know i should stop and i need to stop but i don't want to. i love it too much. i guess you just gotta give it time? you can't quit until you truly want to and that sucks.
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This is how I am right now. Everyones telling me to stop and go to an NA meeting.... Then they don't get why I don't want to stop and go. I say I'm not ready yet but then they tell me you're ready. You're ready at anytime. Lmao...okay.
 
twato said:
Do yourself a favor and turn back now OP. I once was in the same situation as you're in now, only I made the decision to become a daily user, fully conscious of the consequences, at least I though that at the time.

It can be good for a couple of months, but after that honeymoon period, there's nothing left that will make you content. You have to get by, whatever it takes, and that's not a good thing. You sound like you have an addictive personality (no offense, me too); it'll be all too easy to say fuck it and give in to temptation, but you'll end up with way worse cravings and bodily dependence to boot, it's a tradeoff I once thought fair, but we all make mistakes.

I perfectly understand that you can't see yourself giving up opiates forever, but being a weekend warrior is nearly impossible with these drugs, as your own experiences affirm. The good news is that once you stop, your cravings should subside quite quickly. My suggestion would be to take a long break, at least 6 weeks or so, and see where you stand then.
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I Agree fully to everything you just said ACCEPT your last sentence. Depending on your mindset, cravings can last indefinitely.
 
^ no they don't...90% hit rock bottom, recover a little bit, then hit rock bottom again

Now was I content when I was using enough opana daily to kill 10 people? Idk but I feel like I was a lot happier then, than I am now at 6mos clean and my life on track, and that's sad to say actually.

I probably never would of quit if it wasn't for legal ramifications, I loved the rush of making 500$ in a night with all the freebies you'd want...which that and being a millionaire are about the only ways to sustain a happy opiate addicted lifestyle IMO.
 
Znegative said:
I'm on maintenance now (BRT), so im not facing problems like running out of money or getting sick right now, but I still don't know if I'm content. My problem with heroin is, that when I break down due to stress, or insecurities and go out and cop, the second the smack rushes through my heart and into my brain, I can suddenly see everything with such clarity, that I become confused why I even needed to shoot dope in the first place. Of course once the high begins to fade, I'm back in that nasty fog.

Being content is certainly a thing I strive for, but it's such a hard state of mind to achieve. Even if I was given a lifetimes supply of pure diacetylmorphine, I'd still probably complain, 'cause I'd want some coke to change things up. As far as living happily enough with a heroin habit, I have been there, and I've also been very far from there.
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It's tricky because the effect of opiates is basically contentness. You feel that clarity of why you don't really need to use when you're high because you're content in life at that moment and see the problems that the use is causing, but once the effect wears off, you're no longer content and the cycle repeats.

I used opiates for a pretty long time, and it took me a long time to fully appreciate how much my motivation became tied to opiates. It wasn't easy to get my motivation back once I quit, but now that I have, I'm sure as hell not going to put myself through that again.
 
10 years of daily opiate use/abuse and 3 years clean
due to running out of money but if somehow I came upon $$$$$
OH BOY...GAME ON!!!
 
I feel pretty content, yeah. I have no money, but I had no money before I was using, so it doesn't seem to matter, really.

I have a very different outlook on it all, and it might sound a bit zen or buddhist or what have you... but I lived a very materialistic life before I began using. It was all about wearing nice clothes, and buying lots of fragrances, and watches, and buying a nice car, and lots of wine and expensive dinners, taking trips...

It was fun, a lot of fun, or at least I think it was, but I'm not sure that I was any happier then. In fact, I was incredibly anxious all the time, and so even when I was having a good time, well, I wasn't really having a good time. It's funny because I knew it at the time, too. I knew that something wasn't right. I was always worrying about one thing or another, about missing a car payment or forgetting to pay a bill or not handing in a paper on time or whatever I just always seemed to be worrying about something.

Now, I don't buy very expensive clothes anymore, or fragrances. I pay cash for everything now because, uh, I'm just about ready to declare bankruptcy. It's a long, long story, but after getting really sick and not working for a while, I had to face all of those fears... I had to miss a few payments, and I had to turn in a few papers late. It wasn't long before I just kind of stopped caring altogether, and I know that it's a terrible thing to say and it might not make very much sense to many of you, but it's strangely liberating...

So I gave up on trying to keep all my of shit together and organized, and I gave up on being so motivated to succeed, and it sounds terrible, but I learned that it can all be taken away from you so quickly and that there's no guaranteed future... so I should stop worrying about it and focus on the here and now, the moment. I began spending a lot of money on dope, and it was just like... well, fuck it! If there's no guarantee, if we're not guaranteed to see tomorrow, then I want to live for right now. I want to sniff a bag, smoke a cigarette, and hang out with a few friends because that's how I would want to spend my final moments if I'm going to wake up tomorrow to a meteor, tornado or hurricane or something.

I know, it sounds ridiculous, but there's a lot that happened that lead me to this way of thinking. Anyway, what it all comes down to is I'm no unhappier now than when I had my shit together. I'm really not. So, am I content? Yeah, I think I am, and if I'm not... well, I'm no less content than before, and I believe that.
 
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I'm on Methadone Maintenance, which means I'm addicted to Methadone. Will I ever get off? I honestly don't think so only because it keeps me sane. Without it I'm angry and a horrible person. It also keeps me from going back to heroin and from killing myself. I was content. Now not so much because my girlfriend left me, but Methadone makes my life better.
 
-Guido- said:
I'm on Methadone Maintenance, which means I'm addicted to Methadone. Will I ever get off? I honestly don't think so only because it keeps me sane. Without it I'm angry and a horrible person. It also keeps me from going back to heroin and from killing myself. I was content. Now not so much because my girlfriend left me, but Methadone makes my life better.
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I feel you there man, I was doing upwards of 5 or more panda 4s a day ,not dicksizing just truth and went cold turkey because of no choice legality reasons and I can say that I wish I would have gotten on a sub program or done' cuz it fucked with my head for a long time with depression and anxiety and i never talked with a doctor about it...now I'm 6months clean, other then a sub here and there when times got tough, but after 6months im still not happy with myself, so I'm meeting with a doctor next week to get evaluated. I wish I would of gone the route you did.
( I know, take it to TDS right? Lol :p )
 
when i was doing alot of opiates before, i was never satisfied. even now i think about them constantly, and looking back it wasnt a very fun life. i didnt care about anybody, not even myself. it was fun while it lasted, but definitely not fun towards the end of my abuse.. my advice would be to never go into opiates recreationally.

it sucked and still does suck being powerless over drugs; its difficult to function in life withouth them now, i was sober for 60+ days and i relapsed. idkkk what's to come in the future, but i do know drugs held and still continue to hold me back. everyone tells me i have such potential but it's like fuck that, i just want to use. eventually i hope to stop using so heavily, but that time hasnt come yet. i want to party, drink and drug and that's what i will do for the time being....

being sober for that long let me realize that being sober isnt that bad, you just have to have fun while being sober, but if you dont, you will go straight bck to using.
 
laCster said:
when i was doing alot of opiates before, i was never satisfied. even now i think about them constantly, and looking back it wasnt a very fun life. i didnt care about anybody, not even myself. it was fun while it lasted, but definitely not fun towards the end of my abuse.. my advice would be to never go into opiates recreationally.

it sucked and still does suck being powerless over drugs; its difficult to function in life withouth them now, i was sober for 60+ days and i relapsed. idkkk what's to come in the future, but i do know drugs held and still continue to hold me back. everyone tells me i have such potential but it's like fuck that, i just want to use. eventually i hope to stop using so heavily, but that time hasnt come yet. i want to party, drink and drug and that's what i will do for the time being....

being sober for that long let me realize that being sober isnt that bad, you just have to have fun while being sober, but if you dont, you will go straight bck to using.
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The scary thing about it is it really doesn't have to do with having fun while your sober or not. I was clean for nine months around 2008, (actually, I've been off heroin and coke now for almost five months), and I was having a really good time. I got to a point where I really did not even WANT to do drugs again. Sure, I still thought about them, but the consequences totally outweighed the pleasure, and I was enjoying my sober self. Then one day, actually the day before christmass eve, I was over at a friends house for dinner, and I had to go to the bathroom. When I went to wash my hands I couldn't help but notice the huge medicine cabinet staring back at me, and something in my head said "just take a look inside, it's not like you're going to find anything good." So I opened it up, and there were two bottles of codeine couph syrup, and a huge bottle filled with hydrocodone. I stood there for what must have been ten minutes, trying to talk myself out of it, and then trying to talk myself into it, which I succeeded in doing. I took two hydrocodone's, and the next day I woke up and bought three bundles of heroin and a gram of cocaine, and started shooting for the stars.

It's pretty stupid, some people will probably think, why didnt you just stick with the hydrocodone, why'd you have to take it there, but I got that black and white thinking. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it hard.
 
MiamiRoxi30s said:
10 years of daily opiate use/abuse and 3 years clean
due to running out of money but if somehow I came upon $$$$$
OH BOY...GAME ON!!!
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Agreed. It's not that I am not content. In fact I love beiong an addict, I just hate all the shit that goes with it. The endless waiting game, the score, the money situation and all that. But when I had enough money and a consistent dealer all was pretty good. I loved it. But, those things don't last and I eventually mess with a good thing, like calling in to work and losing my job.
 
Because bro, it stops becoming fun. If you don't nip in the but early it has very good chance of taking over; I don't know your background and you per-say, but if your a addict, or say have addictive personality. Be careful bro. And if someone says they have given in- to there "addiction" and is doing great. Check back with them in a year or so. Good luck man.
 
I was content. Very content during what another described as the "honeymoon phase". Pop a few and ride my motorbike all over the back country, an oxy star in bed, I used to love seeing that look on their faces after hours of being throttled by Oxyman. It wasn't expensive before the tolerance built up. That didn't even matter for the longest time as I could afford it. Then eight or ten months goes by and you don't want to date anymore because you dont have an interest in sex anymore and couldn't cum if you tried, not dating, why bother keeping yourself kept up, fuck working out. Hey! Living alone again! Right on! Nobody to keep an eye out for. I can use all the time, fuck cleaning the house and paying bills...Oxy/H habit is 100$ day now, starting to slip up at work, look run down, can't cum, can't shit, sweating like a rapist for fuck all, can't get out of bed without bumping a 40. The 100$ is just getting you "well" now, not even high, that costs 250$. Point is, for me, I loved it and was super content but started to head towards Nowheresfuckingville fast. No regrets but it's time to put that behind me and hope to fuck I can do it because I love what I had before and I'm not that far off course and am going to do whatever it takes to get it back. I believe everything done in moderation, if possible, but once you've tasted a proper opiate buzz, I'm not sure most mortals have the power to take it or leave it until they've seen the flip side. I did this to myself and think I may have done it on purpose sadly enough. I read enough rockstar bios and books penned by the great opiate writers that made me want to experience that. I wish I would have paid more attention to the withdrawal parts as opposed to the dreamy opiated bliss :))

Hope you're all loving life. Peace n luv,

R
 
dude whatever you end up choosing, avoid physical dependancy at ALL COSTS.

seriously.

my biggest regret in life is putting myself in a position where im in the worst mental and physical pain ive ever experienced if i dont take drugs every 18 hours.
 
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