A month ago, I took half a blotter of what I thought was LSD, but it was not. It caused me a lot of complications the first 3 weeks, and now I am still dealing with very disabling complications. The effect was complete ego death, complete void. No trace to sense of self whatsoever. Was not as visual as LSD or shrooms or anything I tried before, but there were lots of visual distortions and moving trails and flashes and shadows, with a lot of visual enhancement. Thought was extremely distorted, and nothing could be mentally grasped for longer than the duration of the thought itself. At first I guessed it would be 5MeODMT with an MAOI. However, the come up was felt at the hour mark, and the hit was at the 1.5-2 hour mark. Then the entire crazy effect lasted for well over 12 hours, and continued till the next day. I am not sure if it was the ego death that continued or the effect that continued. However, I am still very fucked, and I do not feel like the same person I used to be before this. I have lost my personality, my dreams, my drives, my ambitions...etc.
Another thing that happened was that while I was in it, I completely merged with the experience and accepted it as the truth of the world. The problem is I haven't got out of it, and I have been holding on to whatever ego is left in me. I really think it would be helpful to know what was the drug that I had taken, and if anybody has suffered anything of this sort. I just cannot stand the idea that I may have really "enlightened" myself or what not, as it feels as such. I know that the fact that I am saying that I have enlightened myself means that I am not, but this is only coming out of a momentary ego that is able to pursue its momentary affairs and plead for help on this forum, but nothing further than that. I have completely lost my sense of self beyond the sense of my physical existence and the physical existence of the world. All help would be appreciated, I am at rock bottom.
Another thing that happened was that while I was in it, I completely merged with the experience and accepted it as the truth of the world. The problem is I haven't got out of it, and I have been holding on to whatever ego is left in me. I really think it would be helpful to know what was the drug that I had taken, and if anybody has suffered anything of this sort. I just cannot stand the idea that I may have really "enlightened" myself or what not, as it feels as such. I know that the fact that I am saying that I have enlightened myself means that I am not, but this is only coming out of a momentary ego that is able to pursue its momentary affairs and plead for help on this forum, but nothing further than that. I have completely lost my sense of self beyond the sense of my physical existence and the physical existence of the world. All help would be appreciated, I am at rock bottom.