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any advice/thoughts would be helpful. Am I wrong?

J

jennyjade

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 30, 2014
Messages
21
I posted earlier and there are a lot of views but no response. I don't know if it is because I wrote so much. Therefore, I wanted to shorten it up.

My boyfriends father is at our place everyday all day. From morning until 8 or 9 at night. I asked my boyfriend if we could have two to 3 days of him not being here and he agreed. Unfortunately we had to talk to his father twice about it because he started coming everyday again. Well, once again, he started coming everyday again.

I talked to my boyfriend about it and he and I got into a huge argument, in front of his dad, over it. Suddenly, he goes against everything we talked and agreed on. He says it doesn't bother him that his dad's here everyday and that I'm being childish, that I have to get over it and ended our relationship. I now have to move out.

I can tolerate him being here everyday, but would like 2 to 3 days of him not here. Am I wrong for wanting/asking for it?
 
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I don't think you are wrong in wanting some time alone in your own house did he contribute to the house holds expenses because he should have been if he was living there and that's how I would view it, I think you are better off if your ex can't see that he needs to support you and compromise it is a big part of being in a relationship.

Neo
 
No, he doesn't contribute to help with anything. Doesn't want to work. He knows his son will provide for him. But steve is very quick to throw in my face that I don't work. But we agreed that I would stay home with the kids. Now he wants to tell everyone how i don't have any work ethic and says I want to ride his coat tail. His mom makes comments to him about me not working also. Yet, we agreed on me being home. He says his dad isn't stopping us from living our lives and that he can come everyday and on the days I don't want him here as long as he's in our driveway sitting in the truck, not coming into the house, it shouldn't matter. When it does matter. He's so quick to break up with me Everytime there is a big argument. I'm just going to give him and his family what they want and let him go and move on. It's been like this for 5 years now. He has female friends which I don't mind at all, but some of those (particularly 1) he talks to all day everyday throughout the day on fb. I explained I don't mind him talking to her, but not to that extent. I feel his mind should be here with his family and i, not with her day to day situation. I just feel there are boundaries. But then I'm jealous and insecure and we aren't married so he doesn't have to make that commitment to me. He doesn't truly respect me or my feelings so it's just not going to work. That's how I feel anyway.
 
His dad doesn't live here. He rents a room in a house right down the street. In order to use the kitchen where he lives, it cost an extra $25 a month. Which i would be willing to pay. His dad is on SSDI and has been for years. Years ago he had kidney failure (due to drinking and drugs) and went through dialisys and had a kidney transplant. Well he then continued to drink (A LOT) again and is right back in the same situation. Even after his last transplant he didn't get a job and try to get on his feet. He lived at his parents and has so for more than 29 years. His wife left him because he never wanted to work and wanted to party and simple treated her bad. So since his son (my now ex) and him started talking after all these years he's been mooching off him the past 5 years. Lived with us in our last place for 2 years. Didn't want to do anything to get his own place. Sat in his truck all day everyday and listened to music. Steve and I decided it was time to move and that would force his dad out. He was absolutely sure his dad would not be moving in with us and that he wouldn't be here everyday. That we would be able to live our lives as a family as well. Well since the move, his dad comes here everyday all day. It was only supposed to be for him to eat not to hang out all day everyday , from morning to late at night. However, steves sister lives right down the street and could help the 2 to 3 days a week that hes not here. He just refuses to call her and make those plans. Whike i understand dialisys is hard on the body, he is more than capable to get a part time job. Walmart hires greeters and even provide seats for some. He could do that part time and that would get him over the financial hump. Instead he purposely imposes on us. Steves talked to him about coming everyday twice now. Both times his dad didn't talk to steve for a week. Then started coming around everyday all day again for weeks. This was the third time. I talked to steve, he said he would talk to him. When he came in later on that day, he completely changed everything. Suddenly he doesn't care that his dad is here all day everyday and that he's not fighting between his dad and i. If I don't like it that he's not the man for me and that he will find a woman who accepts it. And immediately broke up with me. All right infront of his dad. And now I have to move.
 
Sounds like you are better off alone sorry to say if he made an agreement you stayed at home with the kids then he should be understanding as it a joint decision, I think if you do talk about it and decide you want to get back together you should take a part time or full time job and make the father look after the kids. This would serve two purposes 1. Bring in extra cash meaning you could do things with the kids on weekends/days off out of the house and 2rd would shut up his family and your ex about not work (plus father might leave because he doesn't want the responsibility of looking after the grandkids) you shouldn't have to defend yourself but if you make it known that you are willing to work and he says no based on the former agreement ask for in writing (sounds nasty but atleast then he can't throw it in your face on future dates). Other then that I would move in with friends or family and take the kids away (grant visits and time with the father still) but make him come to you and work for it guar teed he will change his tone fast.

Best of luck NB
 
Yeah, his dad would never watch the kids. Trust me on that one. His dad doesn't even make his own plates of food. He waits for his son to get it for him. Let alone taking care of the kids for a few hours. Aside from the father situation, he's already talking to other women (some I found out he was talking to, had them hidden in his phone using a man's name. So it's time for me to just move on. As for the kids, the good news is we've always been good with them not being stuck in the middle of our problems or used them against one another. So we will just have to Co parent and that be that.
 
It's YOUR house too. He should not be there all the time. You deserve to have your home to yourself and your partner and not have someone intruding all the time. Especially someone that just takes and takes and takes. Don't let him have a key. Don't let him in the house.

Move to a place that's further away?

Or break up with this guy and find a boyfriend who has a backbone and can stand up for himself and who actually cares about you.
 
Thanks. You are right. This brings me to the thread I just posted about leaving now or waiting until after the holidays.
 
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