Hey all of you!
I would like to get some support from you. I’ll tell you my story, I hope you don’t find it too long.
I went through some really hard time after rolling four times last October, once per weekend. Prior to that, I used to do it once a month, although some times I would stop for two or three months. Altogether, I rolled like 24 times in a bit over 2 years.
After doing it four times last October, I started having trouble sleeping, anxiety, I couldn’t really do anything. I also had just finished my degree, and didn’t have a job atm, so it was a really bad time for me in many ways.
It got better. All the symptoms eventually subsided, although anxiety still came back some times, in the form of random “attacks”. But that also went away after some months. I was sleeping fine again too. Also I found a new job, which helped me.
But now it just all came back. It’s been two weeks with huge anxiety, and head buzzing, and sleeping problems, just like at the beginning.
This is my fifth ( I think?? Lol) week of confinement, and I’m all alone at home, so that must definitely have something to do with this. I guess it kind of unleashed everything.
But still... I’m pretty sure this is a consequence of what I did. The feeling of guilt that comes with that thought is really hard to handle for me right now.
What am I searching for by writing this? I don’t really know. I can’t talk about this to my friends, it’s been too long since it all started, almost 6 months, they wouldn’t understand me. I’m home alone all day, thinking about this, punishing myself.
I just would like to know if any of you have gone through something similar, and if you came out ok. Any recovery stories would be greatly appreciated right now. It’s really hard to think that I fucked up my life for good. I don’t know what to do.
Thanks to everyone in advance. Any support will be great, really.
I would like to get some support from you. I’ll tell you my story, I hope you don’t find it too long.
I went through some really hard time after rolling four times last October, once per weekend. Prior to that, I used to do it once a month, although some times I would stop for two or three months. Altogether, I rolled like 24 times in a bit over 2 years.
After doing it four times last October, I started having trouble sleeping, anxiety, I couldn’t really do anything. I also had just finished my degree, and didn’t have a job atm, so it was a really bad time for me in many ways.
It got better. All the symptoms eventually subsided, although anxiety still came back some times, in the form of random “attacks”. But that also went away after some months. I was sleeping fine again too. Also I found a new job, which helped me.
But now it just all came back. It’s been two weeks with huge anxiety, and head buzzing, and sleeping problems, just like at the beginning.
This is my fifth ( I think?? Lol) week of confinement, and I’m all alone at home, so that must definitely have something to do with this. I guess it kind of unleashed everything.
But still... I’m pretty sure this is a consequence of what I did. The feeling of guilt that comes with that thought is really hard to handle for me right now.
What am I searching for by writing this? I don’t really know. I can’t talk about this to my friends, it’s been too long since it all started, almost 6 months, they wouldn’t understand me. I’m home alone all day, thinking about this, punishing myself.
I just would like to know if any of you have gone through something similar, and if you came out ok. Any recovery stories would be greatly appreciated right now. It’s really hard to think that I fucked up my life for good. I don’t know what to do.
Thanks to everyone in advance. Any support will be great, really.