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Mental Health Anxiety Disorders MEGA thread

I've noticed a pattern to my lifestyle that is strongly centered around my discomfort with anxiety; i allow myself to fall into comfortable routines where i know what to expect and when so that i can avoid the paralytic anxiety that seems to overwhelm me in situations where (heaven forbid) i need to make a change in my life. So this then brings on the depression of feeling stuck in a rut with the desire for change and spontaneity and just as im about to make a change to my internal routine.. anxiety is there waiting to remind me why i established this routine to begin with, so i bounce back an fourth between the two.

In my experience it's the suspense of anticipation that paralyzes me with anxiety, and the more i avoid it the worse it seems to become. Last year when i was traveling with family.. i was always 'on-the-move' and never stayed in once place for longer then a week, i was absolutely immersed within everything.. which gave me no time to anticipate how the next moment was going to be played out, i simply had no time to think about it.. for a short time, i was completely free of all anxiety because i was caught up in the midst of all of it.

Now that im back home again, i spend more time inside because i have less to do.. i slowly become comfortable with routine, with this comfort it becomes more difficult to motivate myself so my desire to be active and social fades; after a long enough period of time.. simply going down to the shops can be severely overwhelming with the prospect of interacting and conversing with people, and with acknowledging this.. only serves to exacerbate any previous depression about my situation.

I fear comfort more then death, because if im comfortable.. i may aswell be dead.
 
I thought I'd kicked panic attacks for good; two times in my life before I've had phases where I wouldn't really experience anxiety throughout the most of the day, but would experience intense anxiety in moments leading up to a panic attack (although some would consider that part of the onset of the attack itself).

Now, for the first time in my life, due to the breakup of the most meaningful relationship of my life and the complete destruction of an elaborate, happy, beautiful future, I am feeling both constant, seriously debilitating anxiety and frequent panic attacks. I have experience with 3 different antidepressants, a very short attempt at an anti-psychotic (no thank you!) and every time, I have found a solution in a short-term plaster of benzodiazepines combined with sessions with a pcyhologist/therapist, if necessary. The benzos have made me functional, so that I can maintain the rest of my life without failing college, running into financial ruin etc., and I can think clearly enough to process the issues that need to be processes so that I can move on from the relationship.

Previously I have had alprazolam as a first-aid to take for oncoming panic attacks, but while it worked, I did not like it. It was too recreational and easy to binge on, too amnesic/powerful and made me feel quite "messed up" when I didn't want to, and it was very addictive. Also, while the possession of Xanax acted as a reassuring deterrent for panic attacks, when the attack came regardless, the fear of the onset would still be experienced before the relief of the drug would start acting.
I also took clonazepam daily, which did kept me way more functional than alprazolam, and did not feel as powerful. It felt quite recreational, so the tendency to take a few extra was always there, but nowhere near the level of Xanax. I did not like having to be on drugs all day, but it usually ensured I had no panic attacks, and at the doses I had I remained essentially functional with little to no effect on memory. I sometimes found, though, that for serious, debilitating anxiety and strong panic attacks, a much larger dose of clonazepam would be needed, and this might then lead to benzo-buffoonery.

At the moment, at probably the worst time of my life, lorazepam seems to keep the otherwise crushing anxiety away - but I need to deal with the issues of the breakup and get over it soon, because I'm getting the feeling this shit is addictive as hell too.

All my anxiety and panic-attack issues seem to always have been triggered by huge changes or dangers to my relationship/love life or immediate future.
 
malakaix: I think you've just described my life right there. In my case, when I recognize that I've fallen into the comfort trap I have a huge inertial challenge to get myself out of it. Routines are hard to break at the best of times, but when even considering breaking said routines also triggers a sudden upswing in anxiety? Disaster.

So, if you get stuck in comfort, how do you get out? Because I'm mired in a trap right now, and am having huge difficulties doing anything but considering possible escape paths.
 
Dave, I hear where you are coming from.. I've never been an anxious person before, but I have always been one to hide away. Now I've got so used to hiding in my flat on my own that the mere thought of having someone over, or venturing out and about, makes me feel really panicky. It is far more comfortable to hide under my duvet all day and convince myself I'll go out tomorrow.. but this isn't the life I want..

I don't know what the answer is :( I think the only feasible thing though is to somehow force ourselves out of our comfort zone, accepting that we will feel really anxious, but hoping that the anxiety is more focussed on the thought of doing it and that once we are actually doing it, we will be okay - and once we start breaking out of it, hopefully it will lead to a positive spiral out of our hidey-holes (much like the negative spiral that is currently keeping us trapped!)

Of course, this means doing battle with our heads, which is never an easy thing... I feel like I am hitting rock bottom though. I can't carry on like this.. (well, I can, but it is going to make me seriously unhappy!)

Good luck guys <3
 
Hey guys been reading these posts and I feel this is the right place for me right now.

Been taking klonopin on and off to keep my anxiety from running with scary thoughts in my head. I'm taking them on and off though because I really don't want to take benzos everyday and have to possibly face withdrawels one day. Oh I also had a question to people with severe anxiety: Can you get away with taking your add stimulant meds (if you have them) or even drink a cup of coffee without worsening your anxiety? I'd really like to keep doing those things as my adderall helps my add and I just like coffee lol. I'm a little scared to try them though =/
 
I'm currently taking propanolol for anxiety but I'm not sure it's really working. The only thing that really seems to level me out is diazepam. I have it prescribed as an anti-spasmodic for my back problems but I end up taking it if I feel like I'm going to wig out. I'm getting a lot better in some ways but I still have the ability to freak the fuck out when it's really not appropriate. I've cut way back on recreational drug use, I've distanced myself from the people who made me feel stressed out but I'm still finding it problematic. The chances are that I'm going through a period of depression but I'm deadly against taking anti-depressants. I've been told that therapy would help but whenever I try I end up in tears and am not able to talk about the things that make me feel so awful about myself. I've taken two weeks holiday from work to try and relax and get lots of sleep but I find myself getting wound up because I'm scared that I'll go back and have fucked up and will lose my job. I wish I could feel secure in myself again, it's been a rare time when I have felt good about myself and I don't really know what to do to make it better.
 
Maybe try to find a different therapist? It took me a long time to realize that all shrinks/therapists are not created equal, and that a good one won't lean on you to talk about things that are really upsetting, and leave it up to you to set the pace. I think that in retrospect, the therapists that had me leaving their office every week in an unhinged, sobbing meltdown did more harm than good. That's not to say that therapy isn't hard work and emotionally exhausting and some days it will probably reduce to to a complete wreck -- but the goal of therapy is not to dredge up so many emotional issues at once that it seems overwhelming and leaving you feeling worse off than before you started.

Therapy isn't a quick fix, though. Consider it an investment that might take years to pay off.

Out of curiosity, why are you deadly against antidepressants? They're pretty effective against both anxiety and depression, and you don't run the risk of dependency like you would with diazepam or other benzos. They have their own downsides like everything, but why not give it a whirl? If they make you feel weird/worse/uncomfortable, you can always taper back off of them. It's a reversible decision if they don't work for you for whatever reason.

You might also look into something like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) where you can look at the worries that are getting you wound up and learn some ways to talk yourself down before it starts to snowball. I hope things get better, and give an update if you find something that works for you.
 
i had ocd as a kid and now i have a generalized anxiety diagnosis too. at least the ocd would come and go. now it seems that if i am sober, i am constantly unwell. removed, static in my head, heart racing, body tense. klonopin is poison and it is also my savior. i know benzo and alcohol withdrawal are worse than opiates but i like not being itchy and vomiting all the time and if i stay off my meds for too long i WILL go back to being a very bad opiate addict. it's a matter of doing dysfunctional things in order to function, for me.
 
I have been struggling with anxiety and benzos for so long now that I have forgotten what is what. I get the physical symptoms that I associate with anxiety and then the anxiety arises sometimes, and sometimes I get the anxiety first and then the physical symptoms arise after. I can't tell if my anxiety if mainly due to not taking enough of my medication or not taking it on time or if I have genuine deep rooted anxiety issues as it has been 8 years of benzos now. I do always experience physical symptoms though whether they come first or second, such as tight chest, dry eyes that end up watering or getting sore, inability to look anyone in the eye, and twitches. I can't remember a time having anxiety without having physical symptoms like that. I have heard others say that they don't actually get any physical symptoms of anxiety.

Does this mean that my anxiety is false and is really just benzo dependence or is it possible that I have a deeper anxiety problem that just manifests with physical symptoms in a stronger way than others? I hope it is the former so I can be free when I am ready to taper off. I am scared that it may be the latter though and I will have to deal with anxiety my whole life. :\
 
Do you take benzos as a standing dose, like 0.5mg every morning, or did your doc give you a script and tell you to take one when you're feeling anxious? You might ask about a beta blocker like Inderal that you could take when you feel the physical symptoms but not immediately the anxiety. That helps with the physical symptoms but not the anxiety itself, but if your anxiety is a result of some spurious physical symptoms that you misinterpreted as anxiety, it can really help. As a bonus, it's not addictive like benzos can be.
 
I have been on varying doses of various benzos for the last 8 years, I have tapered down many times only to rise back up again. At the moment I am not actually being prescribed the benzos, but am taking around 20-30mg diaz a day, which to be honest is more than I need to take, but the other day after just taking 10mg in the morning my eyes were drying out bythe end of the day and I was a lot more anxious at work than I usually am. Is a shame as about a year ago I was down to taking 5mg diazepam daily and was not feeling overly anxious.

There was one period during these 8 years where I managed to convince my brain to separate the physical symptoms from the anxiety as two separate things and I kept this up for a month, so while my body was in a lot of stress because of withdrawals and the physcial anxiety symptoms, I wasn't feeling anxious, this didn't last long though as I started taking benzos again to deal with something else and then it escalated up again.

I really want to be off the benzos, but the anxiety and shyness and everything except for my memory and some other cognitive things are dramatically improved when on them that I struggle to convince myself it is better without.

I will bring up beta blockers with my doctor next time I see her and try and get back on a regular prescription and proper care rather than trying to do it all on my own, thanks for that suggestion.
 
Mugz, yeah I can imagine how benzo withdrawals and anxiety can get intertwined to the point where you don't know which is which. Beta-blockers could be an option if you want to be off benzos but still get the physical anxiety symptoms, so yeah, ask your GP about this. I'm not sure how readily GPs tend to prescribe beta-blockers long-term though as they can have some nasty side effects. You will need to accept that you're going to have a fair amount of anxiety to deal with once you get off benzos though, so I would strongly recommend that you find a good psychologist to work with whilst you're tapering off benzos, so that you can learn how to effectively cope with your anxiety without meds. Shyness is something that one can overcome with practice and exposure to social situations. So as difficult as it might be for you to bathe yourself in anxiety-inducing social situations, over time it will definitely get easier :)
 
Anxiety is a generalized mood condition that occurs without an identifiable triggering stimulus. As such, it is distinguished from fear, which occurs in the presence of an observed threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats that are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.
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I came here to share about something I am experiencing. Not wanting to create a new thread, I will write here.

I think I have a very serious illness. I have these strange symptoms that the doctor cannot identify.

-Random outbreak of herpes-like sores (more mild, not quite like herpes, and 2 negative herpes tests). 5+ months on and off.
-Pain down my leg in the likes of sciatica, but it starts at my private areas and shoots all the way to my foot. 5+ months on and off/varies in intensity.
-Breasts began getting very heavy. Very sensitive that even water hitting them in the shower caused extreme pain. Pain is less intense last 2 weeks, but they have grown a cup size. Very heavy. I can't lay on them directly. 1+ month.

I am negative for pregnancy and have had 2 breast exams. I have been referred to a breast specialist. I don't think these symptoms are products of my own mind, but anything is possible. I have been through traumatizing events this year related to prostitution as well as (temporary) loss of custody of my daughter. I nursed her for 18 months. These 2 traumas make sense as to why these parts of my body would display the psychosomatic symptoms. But really, I think it is a true illness. I am not hopeful that anything will be able to be diagnosed. My OB is puzzled.

In addition I am feeling sorry that I don't have any more hope to get a prescription for klonopin. I am in substance abuse outpatient tx and in the DCFS system. I don't believe it would be a good choice to pursue this kind of relief.
 
mami said:
I came here to share about something I am experiencing. Not wanting to create a new thread, I will write here.

I think I have a very serious illness. I have these strange symptoms that the doctor cannot identify.

-Random outbreak of herpes-like sores (more mild, not quite like herpes, and 2 negative herpes tests). 5+ months on and off.
-Pain down my leg in the likes of sciatica, but it starts at my private areas and shoots all the way to my foot. 5+ months on and off/varies in intensity.
-Breasts began getting very heavy. Very sensitive that even water hitting them in the shower caused extreme pain. Pain is less intense last 2 weeks, but they have grown a cup size. Very heavy. I can't lay on them directly. 1+ month.

I am negative for pregnancy and have had 2 breast exams. I have been referred to a breast specialist. I don't think these symptoms are products of my own mind, but anything is possible. I have been through traumatizing events this year related to prostitution as well as (temporary) loss of custody of my daughter. I nursed her for 18 months. These 2 traumas make sense as to why these parts of my body would display the psychosomatic symptoms. But really, I think it is a true illness. I am not hopeful that anything will be able to be diagnosed. My OB is puzzled.

In addition I am feeling sorry that I don't have any more hope to get a prescription for klonopin. I am in substance abuse outpatient tx and in the DCFS system. I don't believe it would be a good choice to pursue this kind of relief.
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As a matter of formality that is also in your best interest, make sure that you always keep your doctor in the loop whenever something happens to you. Obvious, but I thought it would be good to say anyhow. Also, it might help you get a positive diagnosis if you make a journal of unusual symptoms or occurrences you notice that you even suspect may be related to your condition, complete with dates and times down to the second, as well as attached photo documentation if the symptom is at all visually observable and a description of the progression of the event and how long it persisted if it took place over a period of ten minutes or more. Share this with your doctor whenever you see him; it should help him greatly. Also, try and get your doctor to consult his colleagues with your case, as they may be able to shed some light on your condition. You also may want to go to a different hospital and pursue a second opinion. Those symptoms sound troubling at the very least; although I want to avoid triggering any intense paranoia or hypochondriasis, they could be from a serious illness of some sort, so I would suggest doing this sooner rather than later.

Also, out of my own curiosity, could you elaborate, with a little more detail, on your description of your unidentified symptoms? How often do these things pop up? Is there any warning? How long does it take for them to emerge? Does anything else noticeable happen around the time that these manifest? Is there any notable change or variation in your body shape or size, skin tone, psychological state and response, sleep patterns, or any other area when your symptoms are not active?...What about when they are active?

This is...unique...to say the least. Don't worry too much, it's probably very likely that it is an easily curable affliction. But, like I said, communicate with multiple medical professionals; they know much more than anybody here both about your case and the relation of these symptoms in general, and they'll work to make sure you're safe.
 
ehh shyness is something that is usually pretty hard to overcome as in conquer..you can get less shy but usually that trait is with you to stay..i guess it also depends on how shy one is etc etc..

great post by malakai, my biggest problem also is finding comfort and just staying in it..but also, when it comes to forcing yourself out into bad situations, does it ever get easier because it never did for me..well, it never got to the point where i could 'enjoy' it, it would still be a nerve-wracking experience, and i would get drained by it which is no good..i have basically stopped forcing myself out anymore and if a friend or family members doesnt really force me to do something i wont be doing it..this isnt the way to be but ive tried the other side, where i just give myself a pep talk and force myself out and it simply doesnt last for me..so i get stuck in this comfort zone..im getting older and relationship chances are growing slimmer so i feel somewhat stuck im that static state..
 
^i guess my main question is how can an anxious person force themselves into situations that make them nervous over and over, when the only result is a moderate decrease in anxiety?is that really something u would consider success?with me i want to ENJOY these sutiations, not simply just bear and grin and get thru them..make sense?
 
So tonight i finally acknowledged why i continue to remain in this 'rut' that i've been stuck in for years now; i've been systematically removing all possible variables of change from my life in some desperate attempt to maintain absolute control out of fear of been exposed to the unknown. Initially this realization made me extremely angry because all this time i had convinced myself that i was letting go of everything so that i could just be free to be me, and truth of the situation was that i was merely strapping myself into a straightjacket with a padded room, free to be me.. but a prisoner of my own delusion.

Sure late at night like now, i can feel confident and enthusiastic about goals or change because there is no possibility of it happening 'right now', it's going to happen tomorrow or in the future sometime.. it's a self-perpetuating cycle, like a carrot hanging off the end of a stick.. you keep chasing the carrot oblivious to the fact that you will never catch it, but the thought of catching it one day keeps you running. And if you ever were to catch it, you would then be faced with the uncertainty of reality.. which is why i feel that i self-sabotage everything in my life as soon as i get close enough to obtaining it out of fear of the unknown that would follow, i've been doing this for years.. set a long-term goal, when i get close enough to it.. abandon it and create another one so that i remain in a perpetual motion of chasing.. maintaining control and avoiding responsibility of the uncertainty beyond.

Anxiety occurs sometimes in the form of panic attacks as i begin to close-in on my destination. I've been wanting to travel for over a year now, i have enough money and its now crunch time.. i can't even admit to other people that i plan to travel because im trying to avoid the very idea of it all together and delay it infinitely, however i know if i can go through with this.. i may have a chance at breaking this pattern.

Just some thoughts, writing this out helped me understand my situation a little better.. i may refer back to this when im not feeling so clear-minded. :)
 
^same situation here... i understand a lot of that.

i moved out of my room/house a month ago, then lowered meds/drugs doses to the point where all i could feel that all of my brain's tangled wires were wrapped around me, choking me. i proceeded to untangle them...

i'm still going through this process, but i never knew what catharsis meant... wow...

we are all climbing ladders of wisdom,
and the universe is thinking,
us along with it.

i had to go out of my mind to see my mind. i had also been fooling myself. and now i understand more about the macro scale, too, that i didn't before... everything is so interconnected in any one's life...

good luck. i'm also trying to get into "doing" rather than constantly seeking respit, breaking the cycle, allowing myself to be productive. but, i'm still working through this anxiety, and it seems to block my attention, as if my brain is still devoting its resources to setting up more releases (more mountains to climb... but i feel ready... )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTsDcjHj54M
 
malakaix said:
So tonight i finally acknowledged why i continue to remain in this 'rut' that i've been stuck in for years now; i've been systematically removing all possible variables of change from my life in some desperate attempt to maintain absolute control out of fear of been exposed to the unknown.


Anxiety occurs sometimes in the form of panic attacks as i begin to close-in on my destination. I've been wanting to travel for over a year now, i have enough money and its now crunch time.. i can't even admit to other people that i plan to travel because im trying to avoid the very idea of it all together and delay it infinitely, however i know if i can go through with this.. i may have a chance at breaking this pattern.
:)
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You are really onto something here. Most of us know something that we really need to say yes to, but fear of the unknown holds us back and we just repeat no over and over again. It is the first step that is so terrifying: letting go of all the fears we have built up and simply trusting. I struggle with this all the time. When I do manage to get my courage up enough to take the step, though, it always rewards me. Learning to embrace uncertainty is my main goal in life these days. Thanks for writing this!

we are all climbing ladders of wisdom,
and the universe is thinking,
us along with it.
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qwe, I love that. I had to copy it down. <3
 
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