anxiety, depression, scared a bit crazy. everything

[Silly sam]

hey,

a few months ago i had a weird anxciety thing when i smoked weed last. with out wanting to i kept repeatign anysound or voice i heard. untill i went to my mum and she calmed me down. since this experience i have stopped every single drug except the occassional drink.

i think it then went away for a few weeks or so. but when i was bored at work it kept happening again. the more i thought about it the worse it got. i kept thinking to myself that im going crazy which of course was just putting me into a vicious circle again. again i spoke to my mum and calmed me down again. but i kept letting it creep back in and really got me quiet down for a good month.

i feel now that i have got through this first problem but since then i have had feelings of depression. problems with my eyes (after researching, best description i got was 'visual snow') i have also become aware of having tinitus.
i seem to have learned to ignore both the visual snow and tinitus and almost seem as if not there now. i got my eyes checked out the other day and my prescriptions havnt changed. i can see clearly just have some kind of disturbances inbetween. i see very clearly and crisp when outside. notice the most when driving.

but now onto my most recent problem.

throughtout all this and continueing now. i have been having problems sleeping properly. i feel as cant just let go of my mind and relax. i tried almost every sleeping technigue and deffinatly getting better at it. but i was having some sort of clossed eye hallucinations (again the more i dwell or concentrate on them the worse they get).

from time to time (the worst was last night) i hear voises from people i know. last night was all the people i was out with during the evening. its really quiet scary when concentrate on it. but i feel as cant just let it go and fall asleep.

almost every night i have also been having fairl intense lucid dream. at one point during the peak of my anxiety they were extremly intense but i have learnt to just ignore them. but is very hard as feel like there actually memories from my normal day life.

im only 18 and just started uni, i just hate how im going through this and really gets me down some times. i worry about things a lot more and any time i think or see something a little bit of the norm i always relate it back to my problmes and get myself down again.

i proberly should note that i took LSD for the first time in august this year, it was extreamly intense. and proberly why i keep saying to my self that im going crazy because there MAYBE a reason to it. i spoke to my gp about most of this and she said most of the symtoms are becuase im worrying about the lsd trip too much. but i finding it so hard to let go of all this and just live my life.

sorry for the stupid amount of writing but is so hard to put into words what i have been going through.
any help will be greatly helpful.

p.s. also get parts of song stuck in my head for the main magority of the day. it changes dependant on usually the most annoying or last song i heard

i hate writing all this on forums and talking to my mum but feel even more stuck on my own. i sound like just want attention. it scares me that these feelings and thoughts will be with me the rest of my life, even if just a memory. i really need to pull my self out of this hole

 

[n3ophy7e]

Well man you've come to the right place because here in The Dark Side we know you're not just attention-seeking. A lot of people here have been through very similar situations as you are currently experiencing, and many have recovered completely, so you definitely are not alone!

Firstly, it does sound like the symptoms you're having are anxiety-related and as you say, the more you think about them, the worse they get. It really is a vicious cycle type thing though because once you're anxious about what you're experiencing it can be extremely difficult, nigh impossible, to stop thinking about it! Things like meditation and cognitive behavioural therapy could help you to learn to control your thoughts a bit more effectively and to cope with your anxiety in general.

One thing I will say: getting a song stuck in your head is entirely normal and it happens to most people. I think it may just be that you're anxious about what's happening to you at the moment so that's bothering you as well. But it's normal, so try not to worry about it.

I was going to suggest that you speak to your doctor about all this, but then I read the part where you said you've told all of this to your doctor already Are you satisfied with how she's dealing with the situation? If you think you need more help than she's giving you, you need to either go back to her and specifically ask for more help, or perhaps go and see a different doctor. This is of course up to you.

Regarding your friend's voices that you've been hearing at night, are they actual memories of things that your friend's have said that day/week? Or are your friend's voices saying new things? If so, are they saying stuff about you, like behind your back kinda thing, or are they talking to you?

Also, if the tinnitus and visual snow are diminishing, it's probably because they are actually going away, not just because you're getting used to it. This is a good thing

Update us when you can

 

[ecstasyboy717]

holy shit this sounds just like me. on a saturday night i did some molly and the next day i smoked a blunt and it threw me into the worse panic attack of my life. it's been a little over a month and my vision is messed up as well. like everything is clear and bright. I have constant thoughts as if im loosing my mind. I just want to get back to the normal me.

 

[brimz]

Hi Sam ,
I have mental health issues , i'm not gonna go into them atm .
How old are you out of intrest ? Cos it sounds like you got time on your side and things will improve .
2 weeks ago i was suicidal 2day i'm ok, part of my illness .
You've come 2 the right place n thats a good start. welcome, Brimz

 

[Opioid420z]

Lsd really opens up your mind and brings out your subconcious "spelling," to a new level. I've used acid a few times in my life mostly when I was really young, 16-18. I knew that if I were to do it I had to do it while young because the more you go threw in your life IMO the more negative situations you may endure which can alter the effects of Lsd and not allow you to have a safe trip. Before I did acid I was so excited and planned my trip with a few friends and really kept my mental aspect super positive and looked foward to it like a vacation to hawaii lol... While the next few weeks after I had flashbacks or feelings of trippin after smoking weed, which I kinda enjoyed, yet also kinda got me nervous..... Just stay positive and consider yourself a much more spiritually enhanced person now that you choose to strengthen your subconcious and spiritual side. You said that the trip of very "intense," and Lsd is just that.... INTENSE!!!! A wonderful substance imo if your in the correct mind set, if not, I swear that there is nothing that time can't fix and because your only 18 you choose to use this substance at still at a young enough age to actually get positive tools from the use of Lsd to enhance yourself as a person and as a spirit. Lay off the weed and focus more on whats really important to you and what you really enjoy while not high. Focus those recurring thoughts and anxieties on hobbies which you really enjoy which bring a feeling of calm throughout your body and mind. You may find out things about yourself which you never thought were true or that you really enjoy in this journey "life." I don't think medications would be the correct method of treatment for your condition because your still in the phase of any substance that unlocks your subconcious will bring back the possible flashback of that intense acid trip you were on a few months ago or whenever you took it, within the past year.

Tinnitus is annoying and if you indeed are hearing that high pitched "pinging," sound they are making huge breakthrew's in medicine right now that really help tinnitus from what I hear. Look into holistic therapy's or natural methods to help sooth your ear's from mullein oil a few drops directly into your ear drum and aromatherapy which will sooth your mind and state of well being. Purchase if you can essential oils of Lavender, Tangerine, and Geranium. Take 7 drops of Lavender, 3-5 drops of Tangerine, and only 1 drop of Geranium and put them in a sink with really hot water in it. Take a towel and place it over your head and gently lower your head over the sink breathing in this magical steam vapor which is so heavenly and soooooo sooothing its almost magical how amazing this combination smells. The oils evaporate quickly so you can only enjoy the smell for about 10-15 mins before it begins to fade. Real essential oils are alive and go away quickly yet are so wonderful. This is my favorite mixture for aromatherapy so far that I found while experimenting for years. Also, Lavender and Wild Chamomile is a awsome combination also, use them in the shower, steam up the bathroom like a steam room, its a day spa in your bathroom.