Anxiety About Returning Home

[lman_15]

I'm originally from Toronto, Canada. I went down to Florida to attend rehab on January 4th, completed treatment, then went to a halfway house. I am about to be returning back to Toronto, Canada. I am going to be going to another halfway once I land. The general plan is halfway for 1-3 months, work full time, save money, get my own place, car, etc. Then go back to university. Obviously in that plan I have attending the AA & NA fellowships, getting a new sponsor going threw the steps again and sponsoring people, etc. Continuing to make amends, etc., etc. But, I'm having some anxiety surrounding my return. It's a bit of a roller coaster sometimes I have overwhelming anxiety, sometime minor anxiety and sometimes I'm confident but I just bounce around between those feelings. I guess the things I'm worried about is relapse and disappointing my family and myself. I've come really far and I feel like I'm at a point where I'm going to sink or swim upon returning home. I don't think about using like "I want to get high" or have good dreams about using in which it's enjoyable. I'll have thoughts about relapsing and how I don't want to relapse and have nightmares where I'm hooked on opiates again and having that feeling of oh fuck I just threw away the 8+ months of sobriety I had. So I duno if this is a natural thought process and normal/healthy anxiety and worries to have or what . . .

Also, I put my family through a lot and just want to keep shit the way it is, shits straight between me and them right now, they're happy, proud, supportive and I just don't want to throw that away. I've met a lot of people who have been to 10+ rehabs and there families are done with them, I just don't want that to be me I guess (not dissing anyone who's been to multiples just trying to hold it down on my first try and avoid all of that). So yea that's where I am at.

I guess I'm just looking for advice and support

 

[Mehm]

You are doing everything right imo. Turn it over and put one foot in front of the other. God will put you where you need to be. Good luck!

 

[deathlol]

Don't worry, these feelings are natural. It's a lot better to feel anxiety about relapsing, as opposed to still glorifying and obsessing over using like I do. Been sober for over 3 months, and I still have dreams about using.

If you really think about it, these thoughts are only further keeping you from using. If you're ever in a situation where you can do a line or fix a needle, whatever your MOA was, you'll go back to these feelings and will feel beyond guilty if you do end up using.

I think you'll be fine. Good luck staying sober!

 

[neversickanymore]

Iman.. how is it going?

 

[lman_15]

Thanks for all the input and support!! I appreciate it!! I'm 8 days away from going back home and am getting more confident in myself, I would say I'm at a optimistic, confident but cautious point mentally, which I feel is good. I'm just going to pray about it and have faith that everything will work out and play out as it should as long as I stay sober and do the next right thing!

 

[Pagey]

^Good to hear you're feeling better. I think your feelings are perfectly normal in this situation, but as was said, you're doing everything right. Anticipation is always more stressful and there are strong chances you'll actually feel much more calm and less anxious once you're back home. Good luck

 

[Venrak]

Yeah bud, you are doing what you have to. Just be careful not to let all those fears and anxieties and pressures you put on yourself get you down. You will continue to do great, and whatever obstacles you face in this process you will overcome. Focus on your meetings and your projects, stick around here, and you`re all set!