Antioch Mall

[skywise]

Antioch Mall
In the center of a little jewelry kiosk
a boy sits encircled
(imprisoned)
by cases of tanzanite earrings, emerald necklaces, and sapphire tennis bracelets.
He peers out between two golden poles
(two gilded fetters)
which support rows of spotlights
that make the rubies flicker, diamonds glitter, and citrine’s glow.
He sees his fat neighbor at Wilson Travel asleep at her desk
(in her cell)
and watches customers
(prisoners)
drone towards the nearest sale
at the suggestion
(order)
from the tinny intercom.

 

[Nietzche]

Not to shabby jay!! A definite improvement over previous posts I have read. :D
but consider taking out "fat neighbor" and replacing with something else. It clashes with the rest of the poem. Maybe, "robust companion?" Or something more befitting the poem's sober voice.
But take my criticism with a grain of salt. Justsomeguy really liked that line.
Just my $0.02 kido