*** copied from BL journal ***
Went to an NA meeting tonight and received a 24 hours or less keytag. I was trying to kill time before the meeting and didn't want to go home and 'nap' since I haven't been sleeping very well. I was scared that my nap would actually turn into a full sleep. I need a full nights sleep but I didn't want to miss the meeting.
My mind wandered to shady thoughts of checking out where the drugs were in town "just in case". Fuck that! Instead, i needed to find something positive to do for 2 hours.
Well, my buddy out here has a pizzeria and he gave me a pizza. I didn't ask for it but he remembered my appetite from before and just put it on a tray and said "Eat you skinny bastard". I told him it was a waste but he wouldn't hear it. I ate two slices and he boxed it up.
Driving around town, I couldn't think of anything 'wholesome' to do for the 2 hours before the meeting started but on my passenger seat was the box of pizza. Cool! My mission (if I chose to accept it) was to find out the local hotspots where the homeless hang out. I drove up and down the known streets and finally found someone picking through a trash can. I asked her if she was hungry, she said 'yeah', I gave her the pizza and then went to the meeting.
I'll be working at a restaurant soon and they throw out a lot of food at the end of the night. That's going to stop when I get there. Any leftover food is going in my car and some hungry people are getting their asses FED on the nights that I work!
Anyway, the meeting was real nice. People just like me were kicking back actually giving a fuck about others. These people weren't just talking about caring but they were showing it.
I shared at the meeting and got choked up so stopped talking before anyone could notice i was about to break down. Its safe to show emotions in those rooms but I'm just not ready to show my human/emotional side to strangers yet. I know that will hurt me more by not letting people in on my feelings, but, I need to learn how to combat my perception that people will exploit my weaknesses if i reveal them.
It was still a nice hour and a half. I'm hitting another one tomorrow.
Went to an NA meeting tonight and received a 24 hours or less keytag. I was trying to kill time before the meeting and didn't want to go home and 'nap' since I haven't been sleeping very well. I was scared that my nap would actually turn into a full sleep. I need a full nights sleep but I didn't want to miss the meeting.
My mind wandered to shady thoughts of checking out where the drugs were in town "just in case". Fuck that! Instead, i needed to find something positive to do for 2 hours.
Well, my buddy out here has a pizzeria and he gave me a pizza. I didn't ask for it but he remembered my appetite from before and just put it on a tray and said "Eat you skinny bastard". I told him it was a waste but he wouldn't hear it. I ate two slices and he boxed it up.
Driving around town, I couldn't think of anything 'wholesome' to do for the 2 hours before the meeting started but on my passenger seat was the box of pizza. Cool! My mission (if I chose to accept it) was to find out the local hotspots where the homeless hang out. I drove up and down the known streets and finally found someone picking through a trash can. I asked her if she was hungry, she said 'yeah', I gave her the pizza and then went to the meeting.
I'll be working at a restaurant soon and they throw out a lot of food at the end of the night. That's going to stop when I get there. Any leftover food is going in my car and some hungry people are getting their asses FED on the nights that I work!
Anyway, the meeting was real nice. People just like me were kicking back actually giving a fuck about others. These people weren't just talking about caring but they were showing it.
I shared at the meeting and got choked up so stopped talking before anyone could notice i was about to break down. Its safe to show emotions in those rooms but I'm just not ready to show my human/emotional side to strangers yet. I know that will hurt me more by not letting people in on my feelings, but, I need to learn how to combat my perception that people will exploit my weaknesses if i reveal them.
It was still a nice hour and a half. I'm hitting another one tomorrow.