Kandy K
Ex-Bluelighter
Introduction:
Survival of the fittest, this is how we as humans interact in life. When a young bird ventures into the college world for the first time and is made to fend for itself, there are a few things this young adult-in-training must learn. It learns that with leaving the nest comes the first and foremost vital essence of life: Protection. That's why I'm going to teach you how to survive living in the dorms. Cause really, living in the dorms is a lot like living in the slammer. The food sucks, they tell you where to go and how to do it. You pray to God that your butch cellmate isn't dreaming of your candy ass, and if someone tries to make you their bitch, you just stick 'em with a shiv in the shower.
Part 1: New beginning
Now, the first thing we do in a new environment is to become accustomed to our surroundings. Become familiar with your neighbors, learn all the good "hiding spots" in your room, make friends with the warden (or in your case, the RA). Trust me, having the right connections will pay itself off in due time. Say you get caught with an 8-ball of ish, he just might look the other way. Or you hate these sons of bitches that live across the hall from you, so you call the RA to write them up, and he's your buddy so he does. Not too many people realize how corrupt the residential assistant system truly is. As for your living headquarters, try to make your relationship with your roommate run as smoothly as possible. Get to know him or her, CONVERSE. For Christ's sake, the last thing you want is an uncomfortable, tense relationship with your roommate. So don't be a nagger, don't be a lamer, always hide your porno, and everything will run smoothly.
Part 2: Illicit matters
Illegal things, we all do it. Underaged drinking, public nudity, drug-binging, assault with battery, look point is just don't get caught! And if you do, you're just going to have to learn to take one for the team. Say you're cooking up some ephedrine dope in your dorm room, and who shows up but the RA. If you don't do something quick, you're gonna get caught. I suggest taking the rest orally or ingesting it in the other orifice (we like to call this "bootybumping"), and you know what, I'm going to be quite frank. You might end up ODing, but in life, we all have to make our sacrifices, okay? You pick and choose your battles my friend, and if you can't overdose so that your friends can avoid getting in trouble, maybe college isn't the right place for you.
Part 3: Your crew
Now that I've established that the Institute of California State University of Long Beach does not tolerate selfishness, you should have come to realize that the connections you establish in the dorms are of prime importance. Be selective with your crew, and choose wisely. Unfortunately, your location is going to play an important factor in the selection of your friends. You don't want to be down with the Los Alamitos "Eastside" if you're from the Los Cerritos "Westside," well, that's just playing with fire. And there's a reason the I-House is so segregated from the rest of the campus, so my advice is to just STAY AWAY. I'm an international student; what should that tell you?
Conclusion:
So, if you survive at least one full term with no permanent record, then congratulations, you are now the top dog. You have a chance to apply for a position as an RA, where you will get to call all the shots and share a joint position of power with somebody equally cool or as big of a tool as you. If you get the job, then you take revenge on the people you didn't like by writing them up, pull some hilarious pranks now that you've got a bling-bling key to every room, and you have a good year. Just please, for the love of God, remember one thing when you throw parties: Room capacity is 15.
Survival of the fittest, this is how we as humans interact in life. When a young bird ventures into the college world for the first time and is made to fend for itself, there are a few things this young adult-in-training must learn. It learns that with leaving the nest comes the first and foremost vital essence of life: Protection. That's why I'm going to teach you how to survive living in the dorms. Cause really, living in the dorms is a lot like living in the slammer. The food sucks, they tell you where to go and how to do it. You pray to God that your butch cellmate isn't dreaming of your candy ass, and if someone tries to make you their bitch, you just stick 'em with a shiv in the shower.
Part 1: New beginning
Now, the first thing we do in a new environment is to become accustomed to our surroundings. Become familiar with your neighbors, learn all the good "hiding spots" in your room, make friends with the warden (or in your case, the RA). Trust me, having the right connections will pay itself off in due time. Say you get caught with an 8-ball of ish, he just might look the other way. Or you hate these sons of bitches that live across the hall from you, so you call the RA to write them up, and he's your buddy so he does. Not too many people realize how corrupt the residential assistant system truly is. As for your living headquarters, try to make your relationship with your roommate run as smoothly as possible. Get to know him or her, CONVERSE. For Christ's sake, the last thing you want is an uncomfortable, tense relationship with your roommate. So don't be a nagger, don't be a lamer, always hide your porno, and everything will run smoothly.
Part 2: Illicit matters
Illegal things, we all do it. Underaged drinking, public nudity, drug-binging, assault with battery, look point is just don't get caught! And if you do, you're just going to have to learn to take one for the team. Say you're cooking up some ephedrine dope in your dorm room, and who shows up but the RA. If you don't do something quick, you're gonna get caught. I suggest taking the rest orally or ingesting it in the other orifice (we like to call this "bootybumping"), and you know what, I'm going to be quite frank. You might end up ODing, but in life, we all have to make our sacrifices, okay? You pick and choose your battles my friend, and if you can't overdose so that your friends can avoid getting in trouble, maybe college isn't the right place for you.
Part 3: Your crew
Now that I've established that the Institute of California State University of Long Beach does not tolerate selfishness, you should have come to realize that the connections you establish in the dorms are of prime importance. Be selective with your crew, and choose wisely. Unfortunately, your location is going to play an important factor in the selection of your friends. You don't want to be down with the Los Alamitos "Eastside" if you're from the Los Cerritos "Westside," well, that's just playing with fire. And there's a reason the I-House is so segregated from the rest of the campus, so my advice is to just STAY AWAY. I'm an international student; what should that tell you?
Conclusion:
So, if you survive at least one full term with no permanent record, then congratulations, you are now the top dog. You have a chance to apply for a position as an RA, where you will get to call all the shots and share a joint position of power with somebody equally cool or as big of a tool as you. If you get the job, then you take revenge on the people you didn't like by writing them up, pull some hilarious pranks now that you've got a bling-bling key to every room, and you have a good year. Just please, for the love of God, remember one thing when you throw parties: Room capacity is 15.
i guess you aren't the BEST writer, but i mean, whatever...
