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Another MDMA LTC fuck up...

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PillsAndKills

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
63
Location
Manchester, UK
Hi, I hope I'm posting this is in the right place, still a newbie on bluelight.

I've been lurking bluelight for a quite a while now as I ended up getting what I've seen many people on here refer to on here as a 'Long term comedown' with the symptoms being panic attacks, anxiety, depersonalisation, derealisation and more. I've had this for a little over 2 months with some very noticeable improvement, although whether this improvement involves me actually getting better or just better at coping with the symptoms I'm still not so sure.

I've read a few posts where people have gotten through this and I was convinced I too will get through it but there is just one thing that is still causing doubt in my mind. Whereas to begin with I had a panic attack which triggered a feeling of constant anxiety this has now been largely replaced by a constant state of DP and DR. Very occasionally, I manage to break out of this trance state and back to normal again, only once I feel normal again my anxiety comes back and puts me straight back into DP/DP probably as a means of defence to protect me from feeling this way. Has anyone on here had the same 'anxiety to DP and back again' loop and did they find this stopped happening over time? I'm just worried that I will never be able to unlearn this feeling of anxiety which I feel whenever I manage to snap out of DP/DR.

I hope one of you can put my mind to rest. I've been largely making progress on this otherwise.
 
How much MDMA have you done? I feel like you'd need to roll a TON over a short period of time to experience anything significant from it.
 
I have taken it 6 times in my life over a 3 month period. Last time I rolled was on NYE, took much more than usual and re-dosed twice (had the time of my life). Got home the next day and was fine, even had what some would call an afterglow. Then about exactly a week later on the 7th Jan, I went to bed pretty late and noticed my heart rate being much more elevated than usual and then this triggered a panic attack. Haven't felt the same since although I have noticed some improvement. I guess I have my good and bad days at this point.
 
Also I should point out that being as careless I was, for all I know it could have been cut with anything as I didn't test any of it. However for the purpose of this thread I want to focus on how I feel rather than what I took. I had a couple of friends with me that night who took the same amount of the same stuff and both are fine. So the problem is most probably me rather than what we took.
 
PillsAndKills said:
So the problem is most probably me rather than what we took.
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There you go. I'd go one step further and say your issues aren't a result of the MDMA at all, even tangentially. I rolled once or twice a week for a few months and never had any problems that some people on this board like to claim was a result of MDMA.
 
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With all due respect I didn't come here for the opinion of someone who can roll 'twice a week' (which even compared to the rate I was doing it is crazy and not sensible). I came here for advice of someone who has been in the same situation. I didn't have issues with anxiety at all before having taken this drug and I know for a fact none of my family have any history of mental disorders, so in actual fact I think the MDMA did have something to with it, whether it be the cause or the trigger, it doesn't matter. Had I not taken it I'm pretty damn sure I wouldn't be feeling the way I have been for 2 months.
 
If you've been making progress so far, there's no reason to think you won't continue getting better. Getting regular exercise, eating healthy, and getting plenty of sleep will help you progress faster.
 
PillsAndKills said:
With all due respect I didn't come here for the opinion of someone who can roll 'twice a week' (which even compared to the rate I was doing it is crazy and not sensible). I came here for advice of someone who has been in the same situation. I didn't have issues with anxiety at all before having taken this drug and I know for a fact none of my family have any history of mental disorders, so in actual fact I think the MDMA did have something to with it, whether it be the cause or the trigger, it doesn't matter. Had I not taken it I'm pretty damn sure I wouldn't be feeling the way I have been for 2 months.
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That's weak man. You're conditioned to think MDMA is causing your issues because it's a stigmatized drug. In reality, your anxiety has nothing to do with the MDMA.
 
Moonface, OP's problems are perfectly in line with what many others have reported as a direct result of MDMA abuse just like what OP did. Claiming that their anxiety has nothing to do with their MDMA abuse is rather bold.

The fact that you have used the drug without problems so far does not mean that others have had the same experience as you.
 
I think you're getting overly defensive about your precious MDMA here mate. I'm not here to bash MDMA at all, more I'm trying to find out if anyone else who has abused it has recovered from the same symptoms I'm getting. You claim my anxiety has nothing to do with my MDMA use, why? Because you've rolled twice a week with no effect? It affects people differently. Shit I know people who've had full blown panic attacks off a few tokes of a joint let alone from banging too much MD in their time.
 
I have to agree here. There are always two sides to a coin.

What's up with the aggressive posts here in MED now? It shouldn't be like this. The point of this forum (MED) is to help each other, celebrate the substance we love, communicate and most importantly, focus on harm reduction.

It's my job to patrol this board and make sure everything goes smoothly. Everyone, please be considerate to others, including us users! We aren't here to be slighted or made fun of, or else leave.

Edit: And if it gets too far, myself and the other MED mods, Smods or Admins will seek the appropriate course of action. This isn't the place to troll or to put people down, thinly veiled or not. Be serious about this, and be considerate. By doing that, a fun and hospitable environment will be created. :)
 
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MDMA causes life changing experiences. In your situation OP, it may have pointed you in the direction of underlying issues you have that need to be worked on. That is the point of moonface's post. Always pursue every avenue to combat health issues.

For example: Your heart rate is elevated at bed. If you only look at the MDMA as being the cause of it, you may miss that you actually need to have your heart checked out.

I would get a physical from a doctor. You don't need to divulge what you have done, but it would be wise to describe your symptoms. This is just to cover all bases and make sure you are completely healthy. You may also want to get into an exercise and diet that is a little more healthy. This will help your body bounce back from using substances quite a bit quicker.
 
I can assure you I haven't got any heart problems. The elevated heart rate was a symptom related to the panic attack, focusing on it just made it more intense and think I was having a heart attack as I had never had a panic attack before.

Having said that I haven't had a panic attack now for over a month. They subsided fairly early near the offset. What remains is a lingering, physical feeling which is basically just anxiety I believe. I've been to a GP and he just prescribed me propranolol which only helped with an elevated heart rate when the anxiety was at its worse. It doesn't alleviate any of the other symptoms like DP/DR.

I've not been diagnosed with anything and I think that people with anxiety disorders as such probably experience symptoms far worse than mine. But nonetheless I don't feel the same as I did before my last roll and its getting to me. Just any reassurance that its not forever and I will be able to get my confidence back and enjoy life as I did before this happened.
 
moonface said:
There you go. I'd go one step further and say your issues aren't a result of the MDMA at all, even tangentially. I rolled once or twice a week for a few months and never had any problems that some people on this board like to claim was a result of MDMA.
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There is a proven genetic predisposition to adverse MDMA reactions - not everyone is equal.

PillsandKills, there are a number of acute effects from MDMA that stick around for a couple of months that are entirely temporary - I think you are suffering from these and would expect to see much improvement by month number 6. Meditation and exercise will help, good sleep is also very important.

Most people that have had issues identical to yours (cycling anxiety and dr/DP) seem to resolve in under a year but usually after about 6 months. Long term comedowns (which might be a little different than what you have) generally don't last for more than a year. So don't worry, it's not going to be permanent or anything. I would definitely practice meditation though. Also be careful taking the propranolol every day - you will get rebound adrenaline if you stop it suddenly.
 
Those sound like my panic attacks. I used to get them every day over and over. I never did recover from that because it was always going to happen since I was always overly anxious especially after I developed back problems.

I've recovered from severe rebound depression due to drugs though (opiates) and I'm not normally depressed. I did enough heroin that I ended up laying in bed while missing out on an entire season (I have to edit that this was afterwards, on the stuff I was the most functional and productive I've been since I've become disabled), but chronic pain makes everything more complicated.

There's really no way of knowing what the future will hold as there are so many variables! I don't doubt that you had a bad reaction to the Mdma! It is proven neurotoxic I think, and there is not exactly good quality control market out there.

Try 5-htp or L-tryptophan and maybe get some sunlight! I think bananas are good... look up foods that are high in those amino acids which are building blocks for serotonin. As this is probably a low serotonin thing. Bananas, umm cacao powder or dark chocolate... there should be a list of post-roll foods to eat somewhere. Most def bananas and dark chocolate, lots of vitamins overall. If I were you I would become an absolute health food crazy person if you are not like that already, and a little exercise CAN hurt so be careful (randomly fucked up my back severely)
 
Interesting that you mention that certain people are proven to have a genetic predisposition. I always thought there was a lack of research surrounding long-term effects of ecstasy in general.

I've attempted meditation and I actually found it to increase my anxiety, maybe I'm doing it wrong but it didn't seem to help me. As for exercise, its probably the best relief I get from DP/DR as I can seem to gain focus even if only temporary. It definitely helps to reassure me that its not a permanent disorder as I find myself snapping in and out of it during exercise.

I've stopped taking the propranolol now and function fine without it. I will keep giving it time and the fact that many people have gotten through it is encouraging. I just fear that whenever I do feel normal again it will only take the thought of it coming back again that will trigger it and put me back into that horrible loop of recurring anxiety and DP.
 
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There is a lot of research regarding MDMA but it's a bit cryptic. The important thing to understand is that the effects that you are suffering from happen with everything from emtionally traumatic experiences to psychedelics to cannabis, so don't be too worried about it being permanent just because it happened with MDMA.

I really recommend an app called headspace to teach you how to meditate though, meditation takes much practice. Farewell, any questions are welcome
 
Cheers for the advice cotcha. Just to mention how I felt today, earlier on in the day I was very much feeling whacked out from DR(I'm gonna stop referring to DP because I find its the DR thats more severe and DP doesn't seem to be affecting me now although I have experienced it). Later on in the day the anxiety began to slowly creep back in, I'm very much capable of functioning normally with it although it is very uncomfortable. The problem I've got is I just don't know whether I've actually gotten any better from day 1 or whether I've just learnt how to cope with it. I've suffered with this long enough now to know I'm not dying or going crazy, its just of great discomfort to have to go day by day feeling the same and not knowing whether I'm actually getting better.

I've read some great advice on here and I've definitely felt more reassured having read it. But I really just need that reassurance that I will get better and I won't have to 'learn to cope' with anxiety and DR every day or at least some brute honesty whereby it is a case of learning to cope with it and what steps to take in order to get comfortable with it. I'll be taking these steps regardless as it would be wise to cope with it while its with me if it is only a temporary phase in my life.

Thanks in advance and I know I may seem like I'm repeating myself and not taking advice but I really am. Life is pretty shit when you have to deal with this.
 
Ello everyone. I'm going to start this by saying that an LTC is nothing to be worried about! I'm from the south_west and I know a few people who went through a fraction of what I went through a long time ago. If it was permanent it would be called a PTCD if you get me. The comedown is the worst thing you can go through. . . Fulstop! Horrid. If mine lasted any longer, I wouldn't be here and that I a promise! It was a very close shave haha. Pm me if yo proper down. Lots and lots of love-D xxxxx
 
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