Another fucked up day

What a pleasant thing to wake up to. My mom ranting and raving at my bro and dad about nothing. It's just that her fucked up head decided that on this sunday when everyone is home and we are supposed to be eating a nice dinner that she is going to make everyone miserable.

She even says sometimes and i quote "since im miserable im going to make everyone else feel miserable too". What sane fucking person would want to do that? The last thing i would want is for anyone i cared about to feel as bad as i do sometimes. In fact i would do anything i could for someone i cared about not to have to go through what i go through.

She also refuses to get any help and only in the rare occasions when she is feeling remorseful does she even admit she has a fucking problem. Most of the time she says "there is nothing wrong with me except that i have to be around all you people and i have to live in this house". Ive been hearing that since i was about 16 or so i think. I have no idea what disorder she actually has but she most certainly does need to see a psychiatrist or something.

I mean im no fucking angel but atleast i admit i have a problem and i get treatment for it. She just can't seem to do that.

So how do i deal with al this shit? The same way i deal with most bad shit that happens i take 4 60mg MScontins as soon as wake up instead of the 1 im supposed to take. That along with 4-6mg's of clonazepam, some diphenhydramine and maybe a few percocets will have me not giving a fuck about all this nonsense fairly soon.

Off to the pleasant land of nod. :|

Well after dinner she chilled out abit and stopped yelling at me and my bro. My dad (so called dad anyway) was gone so that might have helped chill her out. Whenever he's around the noise level goes up by 90%.

She did go into a period of self loathing later on tonight but i didnt let it get me down. I was pretty high by then so it wasent bothering me :) .
 
I feel like I should say something along the lines of 'geeze, that isn't the best way to deal with that PA', but really, I can't say that I'd do anything different if I had the means. It's really hard to have to live with someone that so obviously has a problem, but refuses to admit to it or get help.

Hopefully things are a bit better tomorrow.
 
God Ive an idea of how you may be feeling PA. When I
hit 8yrs -jst before puberty my Mother decided she was going to dump all her frustration on me and then use me as apuching bag until at 16/17 I hit her back and went a bit mad myself! I rem stealing sleeping pills from my grandmother just to numb out the shit I felt. It can really fuck up your self Esteem-I know #I still battle with the past. However, I found out later that my Ma had been sexually abused by her Brother and this helped me understand why she was so angry and frustrated-I realized she didnt just hate me for no reason!! :)
Know it must be hell for you, I would say-get out as soon as u can or else get help for urself even if she wont admit to her problems. Take Care. :)
 
Top