Anger in sobriety

There is no treatment here, it's elusive if it is. Everyone thinks Canada is a utopia and on some issues we're good but we're behind on mental health imo. I have been my own therapist, psychiatrist here only give antidepressants and benzos and 10 minutes of their time if that. They are basically useless. When I metioned ketamine infusions or another new therapy I get accused of wanting drugs. Quite frustrating. I even asked a psychiatrist why so much schooling to hand out antidepressants. In spite he cut my benzos for the Christmas holiday and I have been on them 20 years.
An ISIS fighter gets more therapy than i do
I just exploded at my big sister about a question of our immediate parentage, I know I'm not ready to talk about it, that's for sure, had to text sorry. I guess cutting meds before Christmas is a pretty rocky road, huh?

It was a matter of whose that player at first base? And I'm getting like 3 track double alternate responses about the entire family fucking genelology.

Definitely went ape shit on that one, no patience at all, so just started burning and dumping my share of the family memorbilia, heirlooms, and photos. We just got to move on, everybody has families of their own, FUCK ME. Just say no.
 
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Pay very careful heed to Herr @mokele 's advice because exactly all of that (minus the brain spilling out) has happened to me.

When I first hung-around with Barleycorn, I was a pathetic fool. I was a young, naive, and incredibly reckless man after getting drunk. My capacity to drink was above average but sometimes I would get drunk very quickly because from early on I preferred alcohol (mainly bier) over food. I ignored eating because I wished to buy as much alcohol as possible. The excuse was that drinking beer is like consuming liquid bread. This is a grossly mistaken view and although it is not relevant to the story, I must mention it here for possible harm reduction purposes, because what the breweries do not add to the beer is one of the most essential nutrients required for the proper and full functioning of the memory centre in the brain called Thiamine. The lack of it causes Beri Beri and Wernicke's Encephalopathy. Continued drinking slowly diminishes the thiamine reserves of the brain, and alcoholics tend to have the worst diets, so inadvertently they end up wiping out their short-term memory skills, among other things. There is a point of no return in the alcohol-abyss and before Korsakoff's psychosis, you have reached the Encephalopathy stage, if not taken care at hospital, then only God can save you.

After the end of the last class on the day of the incident, I was strolling about a little in campus, not doing much but feeling restless, irritable, and discontent. For a couple of months I had my eyes set on a nice brown Asian girl who was known to like it dirty after a couple of drinks. We had exchanged numbers at my home before in a party and things were getting off for me. On that fateful day I met her outside campus while smoking a cigarette. She was with her friend. By some unknown miracle I stuck a conversation with both and not long after we were off to a local bar getting some beers. My luck was off the hook that day because the girl's friend was taking my side! She was happy pairing the two of us off together.

It felt all right for her to take a leave and for the two of us to head into the night together. After a short drive I decided to take us to a club on the fringes of the town. The evening was just settling in and the sun had vanished not too long before we made out way there. More drinking ensued and the beers stopped flowing to give way to good ol' Grey Goose vodka. I was keeping good because I really wanted to lay this girl and had been on a dry spell for a few months before the prospect had taken pace. We were having conversations and some of it became personal too, to the point that it seemed something more could come off of it than a fūck-date. I have always been the guy who prefers a longer lay than a short-term one. But slowly and slowly I was getting keen on forgetting most of my scruples and simply heading in for the kill.

Things seemed to be in favour. The party started a couple or so hours afterwards, and the house DJ was playing some cool techno music; ideal for a nice night-out but without thorough binges. Four of my friends from class showed up and I took a leave to join them for a bit whereas the girl found one of her apartment-building friends there. The break seemed a good idea, but something did not bear well about it for me at first, and I ignored the call of my instinct and went on with smoking a cigarette and making useless banter. One of the guys among the four was a regular and knew the staff at the club, and because the night had been somewhat special, the guy who runs the place, perhaps the manager, was there. I was introduced to him, a casual bloke, but to me fresh out of the nursery, the acquaintance held meaning as if I had known a kingpin.

He was happy to have met me and showed me around a bit and told me to join everybody at the dance floor, but I resisted and was happy being at the lounge, when, as my luck would have it, the guy proceeded to offer me a pink capsular pill, definitely a barbiturate, and in spite of all the alarm bells going off in my head, I resisted saying no, and took it with me. I was in two minds to take it or not and at this point I am still alone and the girl is chatting away and having a good time. I stopped to drink for a bit and was hanging around getting more and more lonely when I decided to say fück it, downed the pill, and went on to get myself more drinks. My memories start to get hazy from now on.

I have no other memories of being in the club. I remember around mid-night getting away from the crowd with the girl (whose friend decided to accompany us) and taking her back home because the three of us were out of our minds. I do not remember driving my way half across the town till we reached her friend's apartment block and got out to leave the two of us alone. Maybe, I thought, we could have one last bit of a drive because going home, and then call it a night. The thought came, I acted on it almost immediately, told my friend of the idea, who of course loved the sound of it, and sealed our fates within a flash.

I took a circle around town and as we were minutes from reaching home, on a narrow strip of road, a little stray dog was busy eating left-over foods on the side, and I fell asleep at the wheel, when the girl's loud shill woke me up and I hurriedly turned left to save the little creature's life, and crashed right into an electric pole on the side of the street. I fell asleep for a couple of more minutes and then realised what had happened and got out to see that the dog was dead and the girl was weeping over it. I assume she felt responsible somehow and a friend of hers came not long after and picked her up from the spot and took her home.

I blew it because of my criminal negligence on the handling of two very serious substances. It set me straight for sometime. The girl and I eventually reconciled and had a nice time but nothing more came of it because I could not care after I was left alone. Then I woke up one day, after about a year, and noticed a lot of people had tried to call me. The girl was dead in a motorbiking accident in the middle of the city highway.

I had a very narrow escape with the law and my life. Keep a very safe distance from mixing benzos with drink. The combination will turn fatal tomorrow if not today.
Yet in Bavaria it is called precisely that, and that is where Sdxlyn probably has it from.
@ Iceman, why a Wow- emoji? That is exactly what happens, like Sdxlyn stated. Just visit the Octoberfest when this Covid thing is over and see/ experience it for yourself. Just in case you actually DO,dont come alone! Just good advice, i grew up in Munich
 
Almost all individuals will experience at least occasional feelings of anger.


Almost all individuals will experience at least occasional feelings of anger.


Yes but it's not occasional. Just yesterday I wanted to go knock someone out because someone pissed me off.
I am 43 and educated so i know anger is normal


For the people not really reading i don't drink, i quit drinking very easily. I just stopped and ate valium for a week. I metioned drinking only to explain the assault charges
Opiate withdrawal is the beast I'm dealing with now. 2 months off methadone and cigarettes and my anger is crazy.
I get annoyed with small things, like repeating i don't drink 😄
 
Give it time. Methadone withdrawal makes you angry. I will go crazy on people too and know its an issue. Best advice is to keep going and once you have like 6 months clean to seem to get some peace inside of you.

This covid is making everyone crazy.

Also you have to be your own therapist. None of them are worth a damn. Only someone that has been through it knows.

I dropped in my clinic yesterday to see my doctor for a follow up. He said the same. In 6 months i should feel back to normal. Good because I am annoying myself
 
I dropped in my clinic yesterday to see my doctor for a follow up. He said the same. In 6 months i should feel back to normal. Good because I am annoying myself
in my experience with sobriety, I think it's ok to self medacate only if you chose wisely like weed, krarom, kava, blue lotus, ect the not hardcore drugs, I take gabapentin for anxiety and depression it's helped, and I have mustle problems in my leg it helps,
I'm the type of person that has trouble staying sober, just my experience, but inthink it's ok to self medacate with the right tools
 
in my experience with sobriety, I think it's ok to self medacate only if you chose wisely like weed, krarom, kava, blue lotus, ect the not hardcore drugs, I take gabapentin for anxiety and depression it's helped, and I have mustle problems in my leg it helps,
I'm the type of person that has trouble staying sober, just my experience, but inthink it's ok to self medacate with the right tools

I smoke weed, it's been the only thing I have had that has helped. I quit cigarettes so it's a good substitute.
I use kava when I can get it and am prescribed 2mg clonazepam a day
Same dose for 15 years so may need more but trying not to .
I will look into blue lotus, i would much rather natural alternatives.

I just don't like the person I am becoming. I screamed at a lady yesterday for almost hitting my car when I went into town. I'm lucky to have a cottage to escape to because at my home I'm surrounded by neighbors and 1 isn't very nice.

I wish I knew how to turn the negative energy into something positive but i don't.
And with this virus it's making the few resources i had in place not available.
I reached out to my council and I'm waiting to hear back. My father just passed so i can't get his advice and I don't want my mother to know I'm struggling to much so an elder can give me the advice my father can't.

I'm angry with myself also. I beat every native stereotype by being sober and successful only to turn into the stereotype i fought against. I let my ancestors and my people down and I suspect alot of the anger comes from that
 
You think you can get off benzos @Kara Kava ? Going on 8 years myself of xanax. Started with a street addiction for like a year. Got off for 7 months. Was having all kinds of crazy panic attacks. Even from a year of that shit I think it changed me. Ended up getting a script for a bit, which has since been long gone. No way to get a script. At least on opiates. And really going to be a time in the next 12 months where I won't get xanax. There is no help here for people trapped on the clinic and xanax. Talked to a million people over years. Best they can tell me is detox. Fuck that.

I don't even want xanax, want kpins. Even valium. Now that I am far away from the clinic can make a whole new story up. Either way I know I cannot come off them now. Once the methadone is gone, you are indeed very sober lol.

We have literally the exact time off of methadone. I am still feeling the anger and certainly in post withdrawal. And the energy thing is funny since you really don't have the energy to change anything. I believe covid is making it worse. Around 2 months off the clinic I was always starting to socialize again, but now things have changed. The boredom eats you alive.

The fact you were able to get off methadone is massive. Only like 10% of people (or maybe less) can actually stomach a methadone withdrawal. I really only know 2 people out of hundreds that willingly got clean. Most are lifers, or were forced in prison and stayed clean. I still feel in shambles, but it gets better daily. Some guy on a bike yesterday called me a "fucking idiot" and almost did turn around and chase him down. At least the thought. You kinda have to let them go.

Also I can show my face around my family now. They don't accept methadone at all. So there are positives. But have no support. If I were to say I was feeling bad since I stopped taking drugs 2 months ago, the best I would hear is "sweat it out" lol.

Just stay off the opiates, it will get better.
 
I was on klonipin for 12-13 years, I got greedy asked for Ritalin, they gave me a drug test, then got taken off them, then a wile after having nothing I got gabapentin, it helps more that the kipn in the long run for me, I don't take them every day, mostly at work but it helps anxiety and depression, and not losing my cool at work
 
I smoke weed, it's been the only thing I have had that has helped. I quit cigarettes so it's a good substitute.
I use kava when I can get it and am prescribed 2mg clonazepam a day
Same dose for 15 years so may need more but trying not to .
I will look into blue lotus, i would much rather natural alternatives.

I just don't like the person I am becoming. I screamed at a lady yesterday for almost hitting my car when I went into town. I'm lucky to have a cottage to escape to because at my home I'm surrounded by neighbors and 1 isn't very nice.

I wish I knew how to turn the negative energy into something positive but i don't.
And with this virus it's making the few resources i had in place not available.
I reached out to my council and I'm waiting to hear back. My father just passed so i can't get his advice and I don't want my mother to know I'm struggling to much so an elder can give me the advice my father can't.

I'm angry with myself also. I beat every native stereotype by being sober and successful only to turn into the stereotype i fought against. I let my ancestors and my people down and I suspect alot of the anger comes from that
Kava...Do you think an Antidepressant would help? It helps me.
 
@TheInvisibleStoner i don't think I would want off benzos now. It's been about 20 years so i doubt i could handle it.
I noticed at the clinic people there for 10+ years. I didn't want that. Once i stabilized I started coming down

Same. I dont think coming off a benzo now would be good.

Interesting you bring up an anti d Hip Pickle. Many therapists that lured me telling me they would help me get off xanax, only offered 1-2 anti d. No thank you. I want less drugs. That is one thing I was lucky enough not ever to take, an anti d.

Gonna eat some mushrooms in like another month or two. Too early. Those help you get a bit right. You will have a better plan after you trip.
 
There is no treatment here, it's elusive if it is. Everyone thinks Canada is a utopia and on some issues we're good but we're behind on mental health imo. I have been my own therapist, psychiatrist here only give antidepressants and benzos and 10 minutes of their time if that. They are basically useless. When I metioned ketamine infusions or another new therapy I get accused of wanting drugs. Quite frustrating. I even asked a psychiatrist why so much schooling to hand out antidepressants. In spite he cut my benzos for the Christmas holiday and I have been on them 20 years.
An ISIS fighter gets more therapy than i do


Great post imho. Recent psychiatry will go down as a blood letting of this time period imho. Why are so many people depressed and anxious. Its because the world we have created right now is depressing and scary. Maybe we should consider changing our world and thus our life experience, so that it fits more with Us, instead of needing to take a chemical to fool ourselves into thinking this type of existence is acceptable.
 
Great post imho. Recent psychiatry will go down as a blood letting of this time period imho. Why are so many people depressed and anxious. Its because the world we have created right now is depressing and scary. Maybe we should consider changing our world and thus our life experience, so that it fits more with Us, instead of needing to take a chemical to fool ourselves into thinking this type of existence is acceptable.

I know the sentiment there but understand that there are people who thrive in this world. The ones who get anxious and depressed, the other half, is a minority. It is for the best methinks.
 
I know the sentiment there but understand that there are people who thrive in this world. The ones who get anxious and depressed, the other half, is a minority. It is for the best methinks.

I don't think it's the minority. Old colleagues that didn't even smoke weed still had their vices(benzos, booze, cigarettes, food). Almost everyone i know seems to be self medicating in some form .
People weren't this anxious and depressed when we didn't live in cities with mortgages and stressful jobs.
For me just being alone in nature is great therapy so it does say something.
Quite a few like yourself is coping great but mental illness in children has skyrocketed and like neversickanymore(great name btw) said we are taking pills to cope with the society we created .
 
I don't think it's the minority. Old colleagues that didn't even smoke weed still had their vices(benzos, booze, cigarettes, food). Almost everyone i know seems to be self medicating in some form .
People weren't this anxious and depressed when we didn't live in cities with mortgages and stressful jobs.
For me just being alone in nature is great therapy so it does say something.
Quite a few like yourself is coping great but mental illness in children has skyrocketed and like neversickanymore(great name btw) said we are taking pills to cope with the society we created .

Absolutely, self medicating and mental illness is a natural response to the stressful stimuli that is 21st century living. Although people have been doing that for ages.
 
I don't think it's the minority. Old colleagues that didn't even smoke weed still had their vices(benzos, booze, cigarettes, food). Almost everyone i know seems to be self medicating in some form .
People weren't this anxious and depressed when we didn't live in cities with mortgages and stressful jobs.
For me just being alone in nature is great therapy so it does say something.
Quite a few like yourself is coping great but mental illness in children has skyrocketed and like neversickanymore(great name btw) said we are taking pills to cope with the society we created .
nice, I love the woods, in the woods and sum graveyards I feel at peace
 
There are people who self-medicate and there are those who do not. The pie does not read 50-50% to you. The other half is a minority. I am saying that those who do not cope well are in that.
 
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