faithfully dangerous
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2002
- Messages
- 11,225
...there are still a few things i want to try before i die. a few things i want to experience. a few things i want to have. a few things i want to feel.
and i know it's all wants, but wants turn into needs when you're pushing the barrel. and yeah, you want them right away, ASAP, pronto and as fast as you can. realizing you won't be able to experience, feel, have or try everything you haven't experienced, felt, tried or had right away at that exact moment doesn't tighten the noose. it doesn't leave you hanging there, choking in two seconds, asking for forgiveness in five seconds just in case there's a heaven, praying that your roommate doesn't walk in on you in six seconds, passed out in seven seconds and dead in twenty minutes.
i still want to live in a flat in chicago or new york or san francisco. i still want to wake up next to a man who loves me and who i love, too, on a comfortable bed with a pure white down comforter enveloping the parts of my body he isn't enveloping himself. i still want to drink too much on my twenty first birthday. i still want to graduate and job hunt.
i still want to feel love, and not the unrequited or ending kind of love. i want to feel real love--- the kind that never dies. the kind that will hinder me from thinking about the things that i still want to try, experience, have, or feel before i die: because i won't have to think about death, then. i won't think about how it might be easier if i wasn't around. i won't think about the things i want to change or the things i cannot change. i want to be so in love that i forget about how i felt around 8:00pm on monday, november 29, 2004.
(constructive criticism welcome!)
and i know it's all wants, but wants turn into needs when you're pushing the barrel. and yeah, you want them right away, ASAP, pronto and as fast as you can. realizing you won't be able to experience, feel, have or try everything you haven't experienced, felt, tried or had right away at that exact moment doesn't tighten the noose. it doesn't leave you hanging there, choking in two seconds, asking for forgiveness in five seconds just in case there's a heaven, praying that your roommate doesn't walk in on you in six seconds, passed out in seven seconds and dead in twenty minutes.
i still want to live in a flat in chicago or new york or san francisco. i still want to wake up next to a man who loves me and who i love, too, on a comfortable bed with a pure white down comforter enveloping the parts of my body he isn't enveloping himself. i still want to drink too much on my twenty first birthday. i still want to graduate and job hunt.
i still want to feel love, and not the unrequited or ending kind of love. i want to feel real love--- the kind that never dies. the kind that will hinder me from thinking about the things that i still want to try, experience, have, or feel before i die: because i won't have to think about death, then. i won't think about how it might be easier if i wasn't around. i won't think about the things i want to change or the things i cannot change. i want to be so in love that i forget about how i felt around 8:00pm on monday, november 29, 2004.
(constructive criticism welcome!)
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