An Update from a few weeks back

[OhBoyCali]

An Update from a few weeks back-UPDATED with fuck up.

Hey guys,

So a few weeks ago, some of you may remember, I posted about how my gf had dumped me and I had taken to drinking HARD again, as well as blowing lines, starting fights over nothing etc etc....I believe I called the thread "hi...need to vent" or something rather.

Well, I had a rough few weeks. I got a DUI and narrrrooowwly got out of getting an assault charge after going ape shit on a friend of mine outside a bar in Fresno. That, more than the DUI, was sort of like my rock bottom. He had just been yanking my chain a little bit, innocently, and in my coked-out drunken state I found myself attacking him pretty viciously. Thank god he didn't press charges and that I wasn't holding when the cops came and grabbed me.

Well, at that point, that girl, the one who had set me off on this whole mess, asked me to get help, and I did. I've been seeing an alcohol counselor, which is fine, for the moment. I'd prefer a group setting, but I am not down with AA and the whole higher power thing, and even if I was, I'm not really trying to surrender to it. It's helped that I've got a group of friends from my service time that are sorta looking out for me, but I still feel as though I'm on the edge of a precepice. I did, however, cut off all communication with that girl, as she seems to be the common thread in the reasons I started boozing again.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that Bluelight gave me some good advice, and anyone out there should listen. People have gone through some serious shit, and their experiences can help you in yours.


EDIT: So yeah, all that stuff about being sober for and doing a little better? Well, yup, I fucked it up good. That was quick this time. I made the stupid mistake (even knowing it) of accepting that girls offer to go out on the town, and, shockingly, it didn't end well without drama. So afterwards, although I knew I shouldn't have, I went to a bar and got wrecked. Fuck. Now it's 4:37, and I'm sitting at home multiple drinks deep and I blew a few lines earlier. I called my counselor guy (who had to call him at anytime) but, like a normal person, he's asleep.

I don't know what to do or what the hell is going on in my head. I'm a fuck up and I just want everything to be okay and to not be the miserable human being I've become. Every time things start to go well, they don't. I don't know whether to just try leave California for awhile or something, or stay but see someone a little more serious as far as therapy, the problem is that I'm broke. Basically, fuck.


Thanks for listening.

 

[Georgie25]

Good job man, keep it up! life is a whole lot better without all the mess drugs cause.

 

[RedLeader]

Hey, I remember your story. I think that cutting her out of your life was the best decision you could make regarding that (failed) relatinship. Even if you try and patch things up or be friends down the road, right now it's best to stay away from her. She's your trigger and you acknowledge this. Take all the distance you need from her and let time slowly heal things. You can and will slowly begin to move away from that era in your life, and perhaps even find sobody new. Time and space are the best things for helping a person get over bad endings to relationships and the like.

I'm sorry to hear about your DUI and your agressive behavior with your friend. You know it man, though...others shouldn't have to suffer because of your own personal struggles. When you get behind the wheel like that, others can suffer from your lowered driving skills. And when you pick fistfights for petty reasons, others (and perhaps you) just end up bloodied and bruised. It's not worth it. Even if you feel like shit, you should try and get help for yourself through productive ways, not numb it by harmful ones. That does not work for anyone.

But I am glad that you feel as if you received good advice here, and i believe that you know what you got to do. Try and cut back on the drugs, know your limits as to when you become destructive and/or violent. Keep that woman out of your life. Do keep yourself entertained with more productive hobbies and interests.

If you're an aggressive type, why not take something up like a martial art or boxing? You can satisfy your urge to try and beat people up without it actually being streetfighting. And it's challenging and rewarding, more so doing it in a simulated enviornment where you can feel like you're honing a skill and not just striking out on people off their guard in public. I know you said that you had been in the miliatry, but this is in many ways quite a different type of training. Just a thought.

BL's always here for you, so do keep posting if you've got further stuff going on in your head. And don't worry about not liking AA. There are plenty of other options out there for substance-abuse therapy/help than AA/NA. It's not for everyone. If your current counselor is pushing AA on you, just explain to him/her why you don't want to go, and ask about other options.

I hope you the best man. Keep on going forward!

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thanks so much for the update CaliBoy, it's so good to hear you're back on track. Take care okay?

 

[totach]

hey man, i remember ur thread good 2 c u post back most ppl just dissapear. I think thats a good move cutting out the contact wit ur ex. I hav bin heroin free since the day me n girl broke up which was 4/20. This is a mission u need 2 do on ur own.So keep up the good work i like 2 c that u r taking care of urself. N dont worry u wil find a hoter n nicer girl once ur clean n sober : )

 

[OhBoyCali]

Fuck.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Uhh, that doesn't sound good man. What's going on??

 

[Georgie25]

8(8(8(

 

[xoqqiy axlotao3al]

i wouldn't be so quick to write off AA/NA in your situation. they are just people, and sometimes you can find really good people in there who can be supportive in a way it's hard for anyone else to be. there are aspects that are hard to take, but having spent some time around there in my community, i can say that people who go to AA/NA seem to have a higher % chance of staying clean.

there are many--maybe most--non-religious people in those programs, & they argue with the religious folks, just like real life. i never had to think beyond my "higher power" = the group of other members. i do think groups of people can do things a person can't do alone. nothing religious about that, & ime you will find many like-minded souls in there.

& I didn't mean to get religious by saying "souls," LOL--i'm as hard-core atheist as they come.

 

[Unbreakable]

Bro you do not have to be religious or accept any higher power.... The higher power can be success, happiness, love whatever the fuck you want it to be.... You have to find that drive that makes you wake every day.... and it better not be drugs You can do it my man....Avoid bars, delete numbers that give you drugs those people are not your friends... they use you for your money! Stay close to the those friends that are by your side through this ESPECIALLY the kid you beat the shit out of....( Personally if i beat the shit out of my friend that would be enough for me to stop)....

You just need to understand that you have problem & this is your problem that you have to deal with, and you need to find that drive that will make you stop....

I want you to get your life back; and so should you...... Do you want to die? Do you want to get locked up? Do you want a drug record? Do you want to hurt people like your friends? Do you want success? Do you want happiness by living your life as you... and not getting numb to the world and running away from your problems?

I have police record that limits me now... why? because of drugs... Trust me you do no want any record like mine.... Stay out of that trouble.... Maybe go to a shrink you might need some medications and consoling.... most people self medicate...maybe you do... i know do as does my gf...good luck... i hope someones words or somethings helps you do the right thing....